My FMIL wants to be part of my first look

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 33
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee

Your mil is nuts. Just stop telling her about things and you won’t have problems. Just don’t bring up the first look again. If she asks about it again just tell her you have it under control and then change the subject. It’s none of her business. The whole point of the first look is to have a special moment with your fiancé. Other people have nothing to do with it. 

 

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gunnabamissus :  

Post # 34
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Your future mother-in-law is way, way too involved in making your decisions for you. You have given her inch after inch, and soon she will have taken a mile.

Make sure you and your future husband are on the same page about this (which may not be all that easy; she may have trained him to give in to her wishes all the time either to make her happy or to keep her from pitching a fit).

Then set some real boundaries around your marriage, the two of you inside and her outside where she belongs; and set consequences for violation of those boundaries (usually time-outs of incrasing length).

Be sure she knows she’s no longer in charge before you have a child for her to try to take over.

Post # 35
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

PS And get thee to DWIL; they will help you with this process of boundary-setting and -enforcing.

Post # 36
Member
476 posts
Helper bee

A first look is for the bride and groom and no one else. Your Future Mother-In-Law is overstepping here.

Post # 37
Member
7160 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your Future Mother-In-Law needs some fucking business of her own to mind. Yes to all of those saying to start establishing boundaries asap.

Separately, though, my husband and I did a first look (because we rode together to the wedding) and he still had a really sweet reaction to seeing me come down the aisle, even though he’d just spent the previous 2 hours with me, seeing me in all my wedding-ready glory. So she will still get to see her son’s reaction to his wife.

Post # 38
Member
5466 posts
Bee Keeper

Uh no. We did a first look and it was OUR moment!! It’s a nice moment to see them and spend time one on one  which doesn’t happen the rest of the wedding day. 

Please please tell me she’s NOT going to be at the Air bnb getting ready in the morning with you and your BMs????

I second/third going to DWIL nation ASAP. 

 

Post # 39
Member
5466 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  Side note, the guests (most of us) give zero f’s if there was a first look or not. 

Post # 40
Member
5013 posts
Bee Keeper

I believe that once you invite guests your wedding is no longer solely about you.  But that refers to being a good host (i.e. your guests have a comfortable place to sit, are provided food and drink appropriate to the time of day, and aren’t too hot/cold/wet/etc.).  

But your ceremony?  And when you see your fiance/husband?  Has zero to do with your guests’ comfort.  That ain’t about them.

Consider it a lesson learned to be more selective about what you share with her.  I would probably refrain from bringing it up again and go about your business.  Don’t tell her when or where it is taking place.  If she brings it up, I would either defer to your fiance and/or just promise her you two will act really surprised at the aisle so the rest of the family will never know.

I mean the whole thing is ridiculous.  If you hadn’t told her, she would have never known that it wasn’t the first time you saw each other that day.

Post # 41
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Get used to using the word “no” 

Post # 42
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

 Oh, hell’s no! hell-to-the-no!

 

There is no point of a first look with 30 strangers looking on.

Post # 43
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

No. Just no. 

Post # 44
Member
695 posts
Busy bee

She cray

this is your wedding bee, not hers. Is she going to want to walk down the aisle with you next so she gets to share that special moment too? And be there on your wedding night?

Please stop telling her stuff about the wedding – she will continue to try to railroad you if you do.

Post # 45
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is so weird.  On the part of your future mother in law. 

I have never seen anyone other than the couple and photographer/videographer at a first look.

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