My FMIL wants to be part of my first look

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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gunnabamissus :  my mom was “devastated” that we were doing a first look and thought I was stealing her opportunity to see my husband see me for the first time.

I rightly told her (even though she paid for 18k of the 25k wedding) to calmly sit down. It wouldn’t be stealing the moment from her or our guests, and my husband would still be moved as I walked down the aisle. 

Tell your Mother-In-Law to sit her ass down and enjoy the show that she has no say in. 

Post # 47
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

Assure her that she WILL get to witness this moment…when she sees the photos. They’ll be great. She’ll feel like she was there.

Post # 48
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee

As a UK bee I really don’t get first looks at all tbh, surely it’s more special to see each other for the first time down the aisle than in a random location with a photographer? However, myself and my fiancée (both female) will be getting ready together in the bridal suite so we won’t have a “first look” at all, no one at all has expressed disappointment in this. Your Mother-In-Law is overstepping here and making this about her, which it really isn’t. When you see your fiancé has nothing to do with her. 

Post # 49
Member
45 posts
Newbee

does anyone else get super rattled when they read these posts? who created these psychotic MILs?? i hate them all.

bee, you’ve received some great advice here. it’s one awkward conversation to have to put her in her place on this, but it will set the tone for the rest of your marriage by not giving in to her ridiculous demands this early on. 

Post # 51
Member
9535 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

after first look, we did family and wedding party photos.  tell her she’ll just have to wait to get to see you.

for the record, we did a first look, and when i walked down the aisle, my husband still had tears in his eyes.  the first look didn’t take away from that at all

Post # 52
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee

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gunnabamissus :  I think personally for me, it takes away from the moment when you first see each other at the aisle. I’ve seen some pics and in my opinion they look very contrived and staged rather than natural, which I suppose they are, but I’m not a fan. 

But this is just my personal opinion, first looks aren’t a thing where I’m from, first time I heard about them was on here, usually it’s considered bad luck to see the bride before you get married, so it’s quite an alien concept to me tbh. But, if it’s something people enjoy doing then they should, we won’t be having any first looks for our own reasons and we’re two brides in dresses, so we’re not exactly keeping with tradition ourselves! 

Post # 53
Member
7398 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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gunnabamissus :  Girl, ignore her! I’m usually an advocate for “the day isn’t just about you” when it comes to weddings because I feel guest comfort is important. That being said this MOMENT is about you and your fiance – no one else. If she pushes it just say “We are going this route for many reasons due to logistics and timing, but most importantly because we WANT a private moment between the two of us”. End of story.

As a wedding photographer I am all for the first look. I also always tell my couples that I don’t mind taking heat at all – so they are welcome to blame it on me! 😉 Anytime parents (and espeically bridal party) start complaining about not getting to come along for the First Look I just kindly tell them that in order for me to truly capture the moment I don’t allow anyone to tag along as they become a distraction and take away from the moment. 

Post # 55
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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gunnabamissus :  What does your Fiance say about this?  Why isn’t he dealing with his mother and putting his foot down?  That photographer will most likely bend to her will no matter what you say to him.

Post # 56
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You better nip this shit asap. I am telling you. I know I am sounding harsh but put your foot down NOW or she will do this your entire marriage and she WILL drive a wedge. My EX Mother-In-Law (I call her my EX mil because she is no longer in our lives due to this kind of crap) No sane, healthy, not toxic individual would EVER do what she is doing. YOU TELL HER NO! and moving forward don’t tell her jack shit about jack shit ever again. you’ll thank me for this I promise you. Imagine being pregnant or any other huge milestones in YOUR marriage that she will inundate with her insanity if you don’t set boundaries NOW. I am SO sorry you’re having to go through this.  P.S. I am sorry I sound so harsh and bitchy, I am actually a very kind and loving person but my EX Mother-In-Law traumatized me so badly that anytime I see a bee legitimately suffering at the hands of an Mother-In-Law it really gets me so worked up. I feel so bad for you. Do NOT bring up anything about the wedding to her again. 

Post # 58
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

WHAT. She is overstepping. Also, how are guests going to know that you even did a first look? Will there be a special magically missing twinkle in your eye as you walk down the aisle because you’ve already seen each other that day? No family needs to be there for your first look! UGH. Stand your ground! 

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