(Closed) My fmil won't even meet me

posted 6 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow, what a terrible situation. Hopefully his parents will come around but if they don’t, can you live with that? There’s really not much you can do here. Just keep on loving your Fiance and hopefully they’ll see how happy he is. The ball is totally in their court. 

Post # 4
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You can’t force them to accept you and pushing it won’t do it. Only with time will they come around. Keep your head up and just enjoy this time with your fi. They may come around when they see your not going anywhere. Right now his mom is playing at making him choose and his siblings are probably trying to stay out of the line of fire. Your fi sounds supportive and he knows his family best so allow him to lead on this. This is not your fault so let it go!

Post # 5
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Mansandy:  Interfaith marriages are very tricky. I have a friend who is a palestinian muslim. His mother is old world, old school. Even as just a friend, because I am an american, I was not good enough to hang out with her son. Same situation I think. Has nothing to do with you personally but alot of the older muslims are very traditional where they pick out the future wife or husband.

It could be that he is going against tradition and marrying outside of his faith. This will be hard. However he has made his choice. Let him stick to it. Enjoy your wedding. You cant change you and you cant change his mother either.

 

Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This sucks!  But it sounds like you have an awesome Fiance who will stand by you, so props to him!  You can’t change his mother, so all you can do is keep trying and showing her that you aren’t going away.  I’m so sorry you have to go through this 🙁

 

Post # 7
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You might be lucky, actually. My sister was dating a muslim man. His mother hated her. He didn’t care, but she couldn’t take the constant glaring, back handed comments, and switching to Arabic whenever she was around. So she broke up with him. I always thought it was such a mistake because he was a GREAT guy.  Like your Fiance, he wasn’t religious either. He is now married to another white woman and has a child with her. (Clearly, that chick could handle it.) But if you are super sensitive, maybe it’s a good thing you don’t have to meet her.

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s hard for parents to realize that their kids will make their own choices. Or won’t be following in family tradition, trust me I know I’m an atheist and my mom hates it and it’s cause some tension. It sounds like his mom is hurt, and most likly by ignoring your presence, she can allow herself to be in denial about it.

The only good thing I can say is that it doesn’t seem to be personal in nature which means that they specficially don’t like you. Instead it seems to me it might be their own issues having to do with their culture and relegion. Your Fi is supportive which is all that matters. I also think this is probably harder on him as it’s is family, so perhaps trying to be calm and not adding to his stress by constantly crying about it.

Accept the situation as it is in the moment, come to grips with the fact that you cannot control what others do. Perhaps back off a little and give them some space. Hopefully when the wedding comes around they will see it’s permanant and be a little more open.

Post # 10
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@TexasSpringBride:  Our families do not pick out our partners. LOL. That’s actually 100% AGAINST Islam. I am Muslim and Palestinian and so is my fiance. We have been together for 9 years! Arranged marriages are most common in India which is majority wise a HINDU and NOT Muslim country. If you’ve ever heard arranged marriages being integrated with Islam, this is not true and is totally media BS. It is an OLD Arab tradition (Arab NOT Indian) that people have grown out of. Many Arab Christians had arranged marriages last century as well!

 

They are probably unaccepting of @Mansandy: because they are afraid if the two get married and they get divorced that their children will not be raised as Muslims. 

 

Thats a problem in many inter-faith marriages. No one wants confused children. Thats all.

 

Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am Jewish and my fiance is Muslim. His mother is very difficult and uncompromising. I think the most important thing is that you and your fiance are on the same page, and that he always defends you. Open communication is important, my Future Mother-In-Law has basically told me she intends on “making sure her grandchildren know the good book”. The way I see it, is that my future husband and I will make decisions in regards to religion and our children, and our parents will have to learn to stay out of it. Anyway, I sympathize with your situation. If you and your fiance are happy together, that is what matters.

Post # 12
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Let me just re-iterate as the other girls have, first and foremost, you should be thankful for your supportive Fiance. So just keep that in mind to help put things in perspective when dealing with the stresses of in-laws. After a certain point, there’s not much else you can do. It sounds like you’ve gone out of your way to make an effort and embrace his family, and clearly your Fiance sees this and I’m sure he appreciates it. 

 

My Fiance is Catholic, and I’m muslim and my family has never had any qualms about my Fiance. My dad has always said that whoever I end up with has to be respectful and caring of me, and everything beyond that is within my descretion. As for my FI’s family, I think they had to get over the culture shock after first learning I was muslim (I honestly don’t know if they had knowing met another muslim person before me). But eventually, they got to know me as a person, which allowed them to stop characterizing me by my religion alone, and we get along very well now. 

 

Depending on whether your FI’s family is truly completely closed off to the idea of getting to know you, it may just take some time. His mother may be avoiding meeting you in hopes that he’ll end the relationship. But that’s clearly not going to happen, and I’ll bet his mom doesn’t want to completely cut off ties with her son. So she sees that you two are a package deal, that there’s no getting around, she might come around. 

 

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