Post # 1
Hey everyone! So I’m dealing with a little bit of an issue with my Future Mother-In-Law. I have been living with my fiance for about 5 months now and our wedding is in one month. Living with him has been so great and its just showed me what an amazing man he really is. Well problem is that his mother lives downstairs in a basement turned apartment… It wouldn’t be an issue except she also treats our upstairs like her house too. She has no boundries what so ever.. she does what she wants when she wants and she doesn’t give a damn if I like it or not… I mean I thought I was living here too?? My biggest pet peeve of all is that she goes into our room daily!! I’m serious… she has zero respect for personal space. I come home ever single day to my things arranged in a different way than I left it and I can never find anything. I just find it so bizzare that she things this is okay! I got so sick of it and told my fiance to tell her to knock it out! He did.. and that was 3 months ago.
She continued to do it and when I personally told her something about it she told me that that’s how she likes to do things and she knows what her son likes… seriously!? wtf, I know what your son likes too lady and he doesn’t like you going through our stuff just like I don’t. Anyways she never stops… she just straight up doesn’t care about what I’m comfortable with and what I’m not. So about 3 days ago I come home and our guest bedroom that I call my “wedding room” filled with wedding stuff has been completely cleaned up spotless… great, except I was in the middle of a project and I had to start all over!!! I go into our room and of course It’s re arranged and even the drawers are arranged!!!!! That was the last straw, I called my fiance and told him what happened. When he gets home he goes downstairs to talk to her and he stays down there for about an hour… I couldn’t understand anything because I’m not eastern european so i don’t know what went on. He comes up and tells me he talked to her and she said she didn’t mess with the drawers.. okay right.. I did it just to blame it on her??! Anyways this causes us to argue but we’re quickly over it. This is the issue with this woman, she is very sweet when you’re doing exactly what she wants but she is also so opinionated and over bearing!
A week ago she cried in the kitchen for 30 minutes while I was making dinner because my fiance “doesn’t spend enough time with her, and I ignore her” she also said she didn’t want us to move away because she’ll be all alone and she asked if I hated her… wtf!!.. seriously who does this. yeah right she is so manipulative and I’m getting so sick of it, she causes quite a few arguments between my fiance and I. Anyways ever since my fiance talked to her 3 days ago she will not speak to me. We walked in sunday night and she just glarred at me from the kitchen.. It was so akward, I just said Hi and left. She did the same thing today when my nephew was visiting, she just stared at him and said Hi and turned away. It was pretty embarrassing. I just don’t know what to do about her anymore, I can’t take living here anymore but whenever we mention moving out she says “why would you do that you have a whole house here” but that’s not true because although we’re supposed to have a whole house to ourselves she makes my life hell.
If It was up to me I would move a million miles from this woman.
Post # 3
Here are the things you need to do:
- If you cannot move, put locks on doors. Lock off her section of the house from your section of the house. If the in-law suite in the basement does not have a kitchen, repeat step #1 (i.e. MOVE).
- Make sure that you and your Fiance are coming in on a united front. Anything that my Fiance did that my Future Mother-In-Law didn’t like, she would say that I was the reason Fiance did X. He learned to tell her, “No. We both feel this way.” and to always say We this and We that.
Seriously though. Move. Whatever reason you are staying there isn’t worth your sanity.
Post # 4
Oh good lord. My Future Mother-In-Law and I get along pretty dang well, but I know FOR SURE that if I had to live with her, I’d probably end up strangling her with my bare hands.
MOVE OUT. For your relationship and your sanity, move the heeeck out of dodge.
She’s his mom. In her head, he’s still ‘hers’ and she doesn’t want to let go of that or accept the fact that he is now ‘yours’.
MOVE OUT!!! Ha ha I cannot stress that enough. You can’t let her keep being a constant source of strife for you and your Fiance, which is exactly what she’s going to do until you get away from her.
Post # 5
What does your Fiance say about her acting like an insane person?
Post # 6
i would move. not sure if your fi owns the house or not but if he does, have him rent out the main part to someone else and you and he can get your own place. fmil won’t be feeling the free reign of the house then.
if you have to stay, get locks and set the boundaries. either that or start walking around the house naked.
Post # 7
Post # 8
Get locks to put on your bedroom & guest room doors that need a key to enter. I had to do this to a roommate once, and it worked out great. Of course, if you want to move, that solves everything so much better.
If you’re spiteful and feeling cheeky, go down into her basement apartment and start cleaning it to your specifications. When she balks, tell her that’s how her son likes things.
Post # 10
I don’t know if it’s a wierd coincidence, but my eastern-european grandmother is exactly the same. Whenever we visit her, I litterally lock my suitcase whenever we leave the house because she will go through our stuff, and look at it all, and see if there is anything she wants, and then will ask you about it, like, oh, I think this would look better on me. So wierd. I love her so so much, but I don’t know where this comes from.
A few things that may be going on though, is she alone? Meaning, is she married, or are there any other children or familly she is in touch with? Does she speak english? It sounds like she is kind of alone in a place she doesn’t speak the language, if that’s the case, while she is being a crazy person, and it’s totally not okay what she is doing, she might just be really scared of being on her own once you get married and move.
If that’s way off base, then she is totally being disrepectful of you and your future husband, and he needs to step in and either make it clear that this will NOT be happening, or put locks on your doors until you can move. This kind of behavior can seriously eff up your relationship. Just me careful not to make him choose sides, it’s such an impossible sittuation. I don’t know what gets into some mother’s heads about their sons, my mom STILL calls this girl my little bro dated a bitch, even though they only dated for a month when he was 15, 7 years ago, and they’ve been friends since then and she is a good friend of both of ours. My mom will never get over hating her. No idea why.
Good luck, I hope it works out 🙁
Post # 11
I agree with the other poster who said if it’s an apartment with it’s own kitchen and bathroom then I would lock the adjoining doors and not giver her a key.
Post # 12
@StuporDuck: That gave me the snorts. Loved it!! lol
OP, honey, this is likely cultural. I have some friends that are non-western and MAN, are their parents intrusive. Here is the deal, this is all your fiance’s battle. She can glare and give you the silent treatment (isn’t this kinda preferred at this point though? Just sayin’) all she wants but you can’t change her. She needs her son to cut the apron strings. And yes, please put locks on everything since apparently she can’t even remember what she does now, she’s that crazy about her cleaning.
Moving is going to be tough unless she has family (sisters are the best so they have someone to BS with all day). Its true. She’ll likely just move near where you end up and just show up again so you really need to adjust the behavior before you move. Does she own the place?
Post # 13
@MrsFuzzyFace: He just says “that just my mom, thats how she is you just have to learn how to ignore her.” wtf I’m not going to learn to ignore anything! lol
@mypinkshoes: Lol… the naked idea would probably work…
@StuporDuck: omg, you just made me laugh sooo loud! what a wonderful Idea… except she kinnda scares me so that’s a no.
@HelloSweetie: I think you hit the target. My fiance is her youngest and he was very close to her through a lot of difficult times, he was her only partner through a lot of stuff like the death of her husband, her divorce, them moving to this country… my fiance was always by her side. I can see why it’s so hard to let him go but come on.. he’s almost 30!! She isn’t close to her other children what so ever because she drives them all away by attacking their spouses. The first thing she said to my FSILs husband was “wow, you’re ugly.”
@WillyNilly: No she doesn’t own the place. It is cultural, In my fiance’s country the son takes care of his mother… until she dies. His cousin still lives with his mother and he’s 43.
Thanks everyone. I guess the only solution is to move out asap… which sucks because having a house is so much fun… without my Future Mother-In-Law making it hell. My parents own tons of property and luckily a condo has opened up in atlanta… I guess that’s where we’re going after the honeymoon. I just hope the relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law can be repaired, we really did have a good relationship until I moved in with my Fiance and she felt like I was taking him away. I just hope I’m never like this with my future children.
Post # 14
Perhaps you could buy a bunch of sex toys/props (like, really disturbing ones) and leave them laying around your room and in your drawers. That will solve her curiosity quickly! She’ll be too mortified to step a foot near your room, hahahaha 😉
Post # 15
I had a roommate who was a snoop that swore she never touched my room too so one day I put I gaint poster in my closet that said “X STAY OUT OF MY STUFF, IT’S REALLY ANNOYING!”. She got upset at me and tried to tell me I was being rude, and I responded “Wait, I thought you said you never go in my room? So are you admitting you do snoop?”. It shut her up pretty quick. 😉
Maybe a more toned down version would get the message across? I’m sorry you’re in this situation, it sounds so awkward!
Post # 16
My first thought was locks on the adjoining doors as well. That seems super frustating and I hope your issue is resolved soon, but with an end result that Future Mother-In-Law talks to you. Best of luck.