(Closed) My FMIL won't talk to me…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Here are the things you need to do:

  1. Move
  2. If you cannot move, put locks on doors.  Lock off her section of the house from your section of the house. If the in-law suite in the basement does not have a kitchen, repeat step #1 (i.e. MOVE).
  3. Make sure that you and your Fiance are coming in on a united front. Anything that my Fiance did that my Future Mother-In-Law didn’t like, she would say that I was the reason Fiance did X. He learned to tell her, “No. We both feel this way.” and to always say We this and We that.

Seriously though. Move. Whatever reason you are staying there isn’t worth your sanity.

Post # 4
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh good lord. My Future Mother-In-Law and I get along pretty dang well, but I know FOR SURE that if I had to live with her, I’d probably end up strangling her with my bare hands.

MOVE OUT. For your relationship and your sanity, move the heeeck out of dodge.

She’s his mom. In her head, he’s still ‘hers’ and she doesn’t want to let go of that or accept the fact that he is now ‘yours’.

MOVE OUT!!! Ha ha I cannot stress that enough. You can’t let her keep being a constant source of strife for you and your Fiance, which is exactly what she’s going to do until you get away from her.

Post # 5
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

What does your Fiance say about her acting like an insane person?

Post # 6
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i would move.  not sure if your fi owns the house or not but if he does, have him rent out the main part to someone else and you and he can get your own place.  fmil won’t be feeling the free reign of the house then.

if you have to stay, get locks and set the boundaries.  either that or start walking around the house naked. 

Post # 8
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Get locks to put on your bedroom & guest room doors that need a key to enter. I had to do this to a roommate once, and it worked out great. Of course, if you want to move, that solves everything so much better.

If you’re spiteful and feeling cheeky, go down into her basement apartment and start cleaning it to your specifications. When she balks, tell her that’s how her son likes things.

Post # 9
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012


Post # 10
140 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t know if it’s a wierd coincidence, but my eastern-european grandmother is exactly the same. Whenever we visit her, I litterally lock my suitcase whenever we leave the house because she will go through our stuff, and look at it all, and see if there is anything she wants, and then will ask you about it, like, oh, I think this would look better on me. So wierd. I love her so so much, but I don’t know where this comes from. 

A few things that may be going on though, is she alone? Meaning, is she married, or are there any other children or familly she is in touch with? Does she speak english? It sounds like she is kind of alone in a place she doesn’t speak the language, if that’s the case, while she is being a crazy person, and it’s totally not okay what she is doing, she might just be really scared of being on her own once you get married and move. 

If that’s way off base, then she is totally being disrepectful of you and your future husband, and he needs to step in and either make it clear that this will NOT be happening, or put locks on your doors until you can move. This kind of behavior can seriously eff up your relationship. Just me careful not to make him choose sides, it’s such an impossible sittuation. I don’t know what gets into some mother’s heads about their sons, my mom STILL calls this girl my little bro dated a bitch, even though they only dated for a month when he was 15, 7 years ago, and they’ve been friends since then and she is a good friend of both of ours. My mom will never get over hating her. No idea why. 

Good luck, I hope it works out 🙁 

Post # 11
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I agree with the other poster who said if it’s an apartment with it’s own kitchen and bathroom then I would lock the adjoining doors and not giver her a key.

Post # 12
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@StuporDuck:  That gave me the snorts.  Loved it!!  lol

OP, honey, this is likely cultural.  I have some friends that are non-western and MAN, are their parents intrusive.  Here is the deal, this is all your fiance’s battle.  She can glare and give you the silent treatment (isn’t this kinda preferred at this point though?  Just sayin’) all she wants but you can’t change her.  She needs her son to cut the apron strings.  And yes, please put locks on everything since apparently she can’t even remember what she does now, she’s that crazy about her cleaning. 

Moving is going to be tough unless she has family (sisters are the best so they have someone to BS with all day).  Its true.  She’ll likely just move near where you end up and just show up again so you really need to adjust the behavior before you move.  Does she own the place? 

Post # 14
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Perhaps you could buy a bunch of sex toys/props (like, really disturbing ones) and leave them laying around your room and in your drawers.  That will solve her curiosity quickly! She’ll be too mortified to step a foot near your room, hahahaha  😉 


Post # 15
1075 posts
Bumble bee

I had a roommate who was a snoop that swore she never touched my room too so one day I put I gaint poster in my closet that said “X STAY OUT OF MY STUFF, IT’S REALLY ANNOYING!”. She got upset at me and tried to tell me I was being rude, and I responded “Wait, I thought you said you never go in my room? So are you admitting you do snoop?”. It shut her up pretty quick. 😉

Maybe a more toned down version would get the message across? I’m sorry you’re in this situation, it sounds so awkward!

Post # 16
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

My first thought was locks on the adjoining doors as well.  That seems super frustating and I hope your issue is resolved soon, but with an end result that Future Mother-In-Law talks to you.  Best of luck.

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