(Closed) My former boss just invited herself to “drop by” my wedding!

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s very rude!  I think that some people just don’t understand the etiquette. Was she ever a bride?


Post # 5
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yikes. This is a tricky one. I’m assuming you’re inviting some of your colleagues if it came up in conversation, but if not, there’s your out; you can just tell her that you’re not inviting anyone from work. 

If you are inviting other people from work, you’ll have to be super diplomatic. Is there anything about your wedding (intimate ceremony, small venue, already reached your venue guest limit, etc.) that you can use to gently let her down? Don’t lie, obviously, but it’s worth a shot.

Post # 6
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree, that’s shockingly innapropriate.

In the interests of keeping her as a reference, explain that your venue/budget/makeupanotherexcuse is small or you really want an intimate family wedding so while you can’t accomodate her for dinner, ask her to drop by later in the evening and suggest a specific time by email (definitely no real.invite).

Then you won’t have to pay for her, nor assign her a seat, etc., but she’ll feel included in the party without bridges burned.

How long did you work for this woman?

Post # 8
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

That’s awful! I would tell her I already turned the guest list in to the venue.

Post # 9
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Well, that is really audacious. But, if it might be good for future career moves…saying no might not be the most horrible thing ever. Regardless, I can totally see how you’d be inclined to decline her self-invite to your own wedding on principle.

I’ve only just set a date and had many people ask “I’m invited, right?” already. It’s flattering that they want to come, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if they want to come because they genuinely care about sharing in our special day, or if they’re just really wanting to go to a good party.

Post # 10
2246 posts
Buzzing bee

One of my mom’s friends, whom I haven’t seen or spoken to in ten years, asked my mom if she and another of their old friends could get an invite to my wedding and/or shower.  I was like, wtf?!  I have not seen these women since I was 11!  My mom just got re-connected with them on FB a month ago.  I have a 50 person limit on my wedding and reception, so I cannot afford random people from the past showing up.

Post # 11
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was going to ask something like this as well. Though mine is coworkers. I’m SUPER close with my one coworker (we were friends, I got her the job) and my bosses have kind of become like parents (I’ve been there 4 years now). I’m not close with ANY other coworkers. 

I’m thinking of just telling them money is an issue. 


But as for OP. If you’re really getting married Oct. 1. That’s pretty close. Maybe that will deter her?

Post # 12
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve had this problem big time. They come out of the woodworks BAD. I got horrified at first, and still do. But I realized over time that they think they are doing me a favor….like being nice. Seriously. Like, “hey, if I tell her I will make sure and make it to her wedding, to go on ahead and send my invite over and I will totally make it and make room in my schedule for HER, then she will know how much I care and love her to death!” It boggles my mind…. seriously. I think it is rude. I had to tell my mom a few weeks ago how much a head we were paying, and not only do we not have the money for her ex coworkers/best buds from a job 8 years ago and people I haven’t seen since I was 5…but I don’t even have that many darn invitations…..of course I said it way nicer to my mother….Smile

Post # 14
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Eww, tasteless!

Post # 15
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow, that is awkward.  I agree that you should tell her your head count is already finalized unfortunately.

Post # 16
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, I am glad that she’s no longer your boss!

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