(Closed) My friend does not say 'Thank You' and it bugs the crap out of me

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m appalled at why her mom is so shocked,  like seriously how do you NOT know you’re supposed to teach your child manners, especially if you’re impressed by politeness!?! I mean do these people live under rocks? I started teaching my daughter how to say thank you since she was 1 years old and when she forgets we remind her of proper manners. I would be horrified if any of my children had 0 etiquette.


Post # 18
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have not 1, but 2 friends just like that and it’s just flat out rude.. Don’t feel bad; some people are either just ungrateful, or weren’t brought up properly. 

Post # 19
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Don’t buy her anything ever again. That’s just rude. :/

Post # 20
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Aww, I’m sure she appreciates everything despite the bad manners. If you just call her out she will probably get defensive or angry, so I would be delicate about how you bring it up. Hopefully just mentioning it in an offhand way will embarrass her enough that she changes, but if it doesn’t I would write her a letter so that she has space to process it. She probably doesn’t realize that she’s being offensive.

Post # 21
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@FleeSircus:  Ingratitude is abrasive. When someone can’t be bothered to show it, it’s safe to assume your generosity is unwelcome and stop offering it. In the case with your Mom, it would have been fine for YOU to thank your Mom when your friend didn’t. Perhaps it would have given her a little nudge? 

Post # 22
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@Zhabeego:  Again, with the good advice!

If you get another chance, as in she forgets to thank someone in your presence, you can make sure to thank that person FOR her, and then jab her in the arm later and say, “Dude! How about THANK YOU!!! People do appreciate that, by the way!”

Post # 24
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I sometimes forget to say thank you while in the moment. It never meant I didn’t appreciate something. However, given that she didn’t say Thank You multiple times suggests she just lacks manners. Don’t spend anymore money on her that’s for sure.

Post # 25
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have a friend who’s similar and as someone else quite aptly put it, I find it abrasive.  She just doesn’t get that it’s pretty easy to say thank you but totally noticeable when she doesn’t.  Sorry you’re dealing with this on such a grand scale 🙁

Post # 26
982 posts
Busy bee

@FleeSircus:  so rude! I work with a guy who is the same, there’s never any thank you or praise for anything! It’s not the end if the world, but it would be nice to have things I do for him acknowledged. I totally understand your frustration, especially because she’s a longtime friend. Like others have said, I would say ‘you’re welcome’ next time you do something for her and she doesn’t say ‘thank you’.

Post # 27
510 posts
Busy bee

I think she’s saying thank you in her own way (except for the dinner thing). The clapping and smiling, the comments on how pretty the bracelet was, in my opinion, are ways of saying thank you for someone who, for whatever reason, feels awkward thanking people in those exact words.

That is frustrating though. Maybe stop offering if you feel unappreciated, or even pull to see if there are more feelings behind this. (“Oh what do you think of the bracelet? How do you enjoy getting your makeup done? Was it a good experience?”)

Post # 28
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Is there a chance that she was brought up in different culture? When I moved to the States it sounded so weird to me that people say “please” and “Thank you” all the time and it was a bit of an adjustment for me. Some people never learn, though. But I absolutely agree, it is annoying and I’d be frustrated if I had a friend like this.

Post # 29
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Fiance is like this. I’ve told him off for it before that he doesn’t say thank you when my parents give him things or do something for him – but he explained it to me once and now I just make a point to say it for both of us.

He won’t say it simply because it makes him feel awkward and he’s scared of it coming out wrong and seeming even worse. Of course he’s grateful when someone does something for him, he just can’t bring himself to make a big deal out of it.

He explained it better than I did – but anyway, when I heard this I just accepted it. I told him that in future, at christmas I expect him to say thank you to my family, but if he doesn’t thank me for doing something, I don’t get annoyed about it.

I think some people aren’t trying to be rude when they don’t say things – but the only way to find out is to address it. Next time you offer her something and she doesn’t say thankyou, just say ‘I’ve noticed you don’t say thank you much… do you not like it?’

Post # 30
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, that is extremely rude of her and honestly, I would have called her out on it by now.

Saying “Thank you” is so simple, I will never understand why grown men and women cannot (or refuse to) use manners.

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