(Closed) My Friend has been texting fiance behind my back!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
17 posts
  • Wedding: July 2016

Very strange. I think it is time for your fiance to tell her to speak to you directly. There should be no reason she is messaging him and I think for her to realize that he needs to tell her.

Post # 4
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

VintageGirl1020 :  Did your Fiance not tell her to talk to you about it/leave him out of it? Why has this been ongoing? That’s the weird part to me.

Post # 5
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

yeah, totally not cool and out of bounds! I agree your Fiance needs to put a stop to it – and I would also let her know how you feel about it. Sucks that the wedding it right around the corner, and you dont want to create drama but just tell her the truth. She sounds childish. Sure friends have their disagreements but you dont run to the persons SO. 

Post # 6
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

You need to tell her that you feel it is inappropriate for her to vent about you to your husband. Also I wouldn’t like my friend and husband/fiance to have a special texting relationship. I am sure she wouldn’t like it the other way around. 

Post # 7
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

That is definitely out of line for her to do. I wouldn’t care if my friend texted my SO, but if it was just to complain about me and talk about me behind my back, I would definitely care.

The thing I find the strangest is that your Fiance never told you that she was texting him, he just “let it slip.” You don’t even mention finding this strange, which I also find this strange. Did he text her back when she texted him? Or was she just texting him and he never responded? Either way, I would be pretty upset with my Fiance for not telling me that someone was texting him about me.

It just seems very odd that he wouldn’t tell you.

As for the friend, it seems that she is afraid to come to you for some reason. Perhaps examine your past behavior when it has come to her and your wedding. How WOULD you have reacted if she had told you she couldn’t come to your bachelorette party? Does she have a reason to be afraid to talk to you about these issues?

In the end, it wasn’t okay of her to complain about you to your Fiance. However, I would tell her that calmly, and then try to talk through her issues with you. Go in with an open mind. If you want to preserve your friendship, then you have to be ready to listen to what she has to say and try to mend bridges.

Also, I would talk to your Fiance about keeping something like this from you. I don’t think that’s okay, and honestly I would be much more upset with my Fiance in this situation than with my friend.

Post # 8
1812 posts
Buzzing bee

I think this is passive aggressive nonsense. Did she honestly think your Fiance wouldn’t tell you? That it would never come up?? I just went through this a few days ago with a “friend” I’ve had for 10 years–she was talking to my husband (he works at a car dealership she goes to to get work done on her car) about how I’ve said all these offensive things over the years she should have discussed with me (for the record, the things she mentioned she was offended over were things I never said/did or were taken out of context). I was wondering why she dropped off the map and went radio silent! Now I know. She can stay that way.

I’m wondering what the caliber of your friend’s character is (and the friendship) if she feels she can’t go do you DIRECTLY.

Post # 9
364 posts
Helper bee

VintageGirl1020 :  it’s very odd behavior on both of their parts. I’m sorry to say it, but is there any chance that they might be having more of an inappropriate relationship than a few wedding-related texts? I’ve never had a guy I dated get texts from a gf of mine w/o mentioning it to me. It sounds quite shady that they are talking like this and about you and both keeping it a secret from you. I’d wonder if there was something romantic/flirty/emotional/physical going on. It raises serious trust concerns w both of them and I’d want to get to the bottom of it.

Post # 10
470 posts
Helper bee

Yah I think it’s weird he didn’t say anything immediately. My fiance would be like “why is X bitching to me about your bridal shower?”

Post # 11
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

well, just to be devil’s advocate here, maybe you are the problem. maybe you are demanding and difficult and overbearing and a bridezilla. have you taken a long hard look at yourself and your behaviour at all? I mean you yourself said that your Fiance said she was afraid to tell you she cant make the bachlorette party.  that to me is weird. my friends have no problem telling me disappointing news. so what is it about you that makes her afraid to come to you with disappointing news. maybe that is the question to ask yourself first before getting in your friends face about texting your Fiance. which if you do get angry when you confront her kind of proves my point. 

Post # 12
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Have you read these texts? There is something so odd about this and the way it slipped out with him telling you she couldn’t come to a party. 

Im not big on snooping but in this case, you really need to see these texts. Before they can be erased. 

Post # 13
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

VintageGirl1020 :   FI needs to shut your bridesmaid down hard, immediately.  No response to texts from her at all.    Her behavior is inappropriate.   

Post # 14
407 posts
Helper bee

VintageGirl1020 :  Honestly, I don’t know why you’re so upset. You seem more affronted that she would text your Fiance (you keep comparing it to the fact that you never text her husband) than that she is telling him something she should probably tell you. However, it seems she’s afraid to let you down, which is why she isn’t telling you,  so maybe ask yourself why that is. 

My friends text my Fiance sometimes, it’s no big deal. Not about me, but then they aren’t scared to talk to me about things. I think you need to take a deep breath and calmly address the situation. If it really bothers you, ask her to stop texting, but to me that seems unreasonable. What I think is reasonable is to let her know she can always talk to you about what’s on her mind instead of venting to your fiance.

Post # 15
2857 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

YouBeBoyAnd :  ++++

In your post, you focused mainly on your friend but it would be a red flag for me with your SO as well. It just seems so weird to me that your SO wouldn’t bring it up the first time she did that unless he was used to the two of them texting (which is super inappropriate). I hate to jump to conclusions, but it’s odd to say the least. I would feel super uncomfortable knowing my SO has been talking behind my back, let alone with a friend of mine…

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