Post # 1
I have a friend of mine who we”ll call Jay. Well Jay and my Fiance have been friends since Diapers and we’ve gotten very close the last 10 yrs or so. Anyway 2 Years ago Jay started dating a girl named E and everything was cool. Within that time ive developed a good friendship with E as well:) about 4-6 months into their relationship I found out that Jay was cheating on E multiple times (He confides in my Fi) and of course my Fiance tells me. I just stayed out of it, none of my buisness. They then went on Vacation to FL for MDW and while he was in the shower she went through his phone and found texts and pics from other girls in it, They fought and eventually reconciled, however it happened again 4 months later she saw some texts in his phone, which were “bad” but she didn’t like other girls calling him “honey”, “sweetie” or whatever and they had a huge fight but again eventually reconciled , and the other day my Fi told me Jay said “he’s not the type to just settle down ever and although he does love E , he doesn’t want to to stop sleeping with other girls even though he told her he would” That was the icing on the cake for me, no girl deserves that much disrepect, He also told my Fiance that he know we won’t say anything, however I want to tell her SO bad, but my Fiance says Stay Out of It. What would you do?
Post # 3
@allieluvs21: I agree that you stay out of it.
If she or he comes to you for your opinion, then give it, but otherwise stay out of it.
It sounds like this girl knows she’s with a player and is either fooling herself into thinking he actually will change or has just accepted it. And it also sounds like he has no intention of changing no matter what anyone else tells him.
I might choose to spend less time with this guy since you don’t condone his activities, but I wouldn’t talk to him about it unless he brings it up first to you and opens the door.
Post # 4
eeeek one one hand i want to say stay out of it, its none of your business but the other side of me feels for this girl! no disrespect to you but your FI’s friend is a dick and if thats how he feels he should tell her straight up instead of pretending he might be the type to settle down one day.
i guess it depends on if you want to continue a relationship with this girl..if you do i would tell her, but in doing that i would also have a conversation with your Fiance about you telling her first…you dont want to mess up his friendship with his buddy either.
tough one…good luck!
Post # 5
What I would recommend is to try to get E to open up to you about it. Ask her how things are going with Jay and if she bites, ask questions and get a discussion going. She will inevitably tell you about the cheating, then justify why she dismissed it and took him back. Point out to her that cheating is a really big deal and if he’s done it multiple times already chances are he might do it again. Remind her that she needs to protect herself.
But do NOT under any circumstances tell her what you heard. I guarantee she will take what you said, throw it in Jay’s face word-for-word (even if she promises not to), they will fight about it, make up then it will be awkward and weird between you and you will probably lose her as a friend. She has to realize on her own that she’s not willing to tolerate cheating and that Jay will probably do it again.
Post # 6
@totheislnds: no disrepect he is a DICK
Post # 7
Stay out of it. She knows in her heart he is a dawg, but still keeps going back to him.
I would, however, tell you Fiance to stop telling you what he’s doing. It’s not fair to you that you have to keep this secret. I would also tell him if the girlfriend asked you point blank if you knew if he was cheating, you would not lie.
Of course if she did ask you point blank, I would first try the,” what is your gut telling you?” But I would also ask, “Do you really want to know? You know he is capable if cheating and being inappropriate with women and you still took him back. If you find out now, would your really leave?”
Post # 8
So hard! Of course you’d like to tell this girl cause it’s the right thing but it’ll be ebetter to stay out of it. By know she must know how he is and somehow she’s ok with it, I mean she’s caught him cheating how many times? and she’s still with him.
Post # 9
This sounds harsh… but how good of a friend is she? If she’s a close friend, heck yes- tell her. I’d go to Jay and tell him either he fixes it or I would.
Post # 10
@jjmomma: Thats the issue i only met her through him, he was my friend first , No wonder he was single for so long
Post # 11
This is really hard. I would want to say something to my friend, but I can’t think of a way that would be advisable.
Regardless.. your Fiance should be calling out his friend on his BS behavior (unless he is already?). “Jay” should either be dating this girl or not, not stringing her along with promises of monogamy.
Post # 12
stay out of it. She knows what he’s done in the past and continues to go back. You getting in the middle of it will only cause more drama.
Post # 13
Most everyone will tell you to stay out of it… BUT if you’re friends with Jay then you should care enough about him making a total douche about himself and his lack of intergrity to confront him about it in hopes of him coming to his senses. Even if he ends up not staying with E, he can atleast get his butt together and not continue this with other women.
It’s definitely not a great position, but standing by and just letting him act this way without confrontation is just as bad as you facilitating his behavior… infact it could easily fall under en-abling him.
Maybe you and your Fiance could talk to him together or just your Fiance since he’s the one closest to him.
Post # 14
They always shoot the messenger. I know it’s tough, but I would stay out of it as well.
Post # 15
Does your Fiance tell him what he’s doing is not ok?
Post # 16
Stay out of it. If she asked me POINT BLANK- I would probablly just say “I think you already know the answer to that”