(Closed) My friend is constantly inviting DH and I over to her house?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It sounds like your friend just wants to be social and really REALLY likes you two!  I have a couple friends who have been overly excited about invitiations to us as well.  It’s flattering, to be honest, but I’m getting tired of the excuses I make to avoid making plans.  I finally  just decided to be a broken record of:  “Thanks for thinking of us, but we can’t make it”

ETA:  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time at home.  But, if you do like this person, I would make the effort every once in awhile (when you really actually want to see them vs. a pity acceptance).

Post # 4
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just say no thanks.  Or invite her to your house occasionally.  I would rather have friends invite me (and turn them down) then never be invited anywhere.

 

Post # 5
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope. This is why I don’t answer my phone. I’m old and curmudgeonly. I just don’t have the energy.

Post # 6
Member
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Its hard to turn down invites because you feel guilty I am sure. I have friends whom are also a married couple. They ALWAYS wants us to stay the night when we visit (they live over an hour away.) But I don’t like staying the night anywhere other than mine & my husband’s home. We too are homebodies & we just love our home is all. Its hard to say no we don’t want to. :/ The last few times we have made up some reason as to why we had to leave & not stay the night. (Like I forgot my insulin was one of the reasons.) I feel guilty about it. But idk what else to say?!?!

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

each time she invites you just tell her you have plans. Some friends are just clingy

Post # 8
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sure she has good intentions. Big time extroverts usually assume that being wih people is better than being alone so she probably means well. I say dont get too upset about it orthoseinvites will dwindle to the point thathey’d doesn’t ask at all anymore. If this is a newer friend it takes a while to learn eachOthers comfort level of togetherness

Post # 9
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

My FCIL and her Darling Husband are like this.  They HATE being alone, for whatever reason.  On the weekends they don’t have her daughter, they invite all of their friends over (or go to their friends’ houses) and party from Friday to Sunday, having sleepovers.  I just can’t wrap my head around the concept of married adults having sleepovers.  We’ve stayed at their house twice and I hated it both times. 

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you want to hear from the other side, I moved about an hour away from my friends when I moved in with Darling Husband. And it is hurtful that none of these friends who I saw all the time when I lived nearby now never, ever are willing to drive an hour to come visit me. Her invites would probably not be so constant if you would occasionally say yes. No need to spend the night, but being a friend is a two way street – sometimes you should be the one going to see her.

Post # 11
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

It sounds like she is lonely and might not have many friends to spend time with. Especially if she is one of the only ones with kids, it would be hard for her to go out places. I would simply decline and let her know that the two of you are trying to spend more week nights staying in.

Post # 12
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think she’s just trying to be friendly. And often those invitations are flippant in my experience – I invite people from work over/out all the time (and they reciprocate) but it’s just a spur of the moment, hey Darling Husband and I are going out for drinks wanna come? thing, not a social trap to spend as much time with them as possible. Plus, if she’s looking for friends to hang out with, it’s almost always easiest to start with coworkers you see all the time, right? It’s hard for social people to understand homebodies, we think that being with friends is way more fun than being “lazy” on the couch ;). Just politely decline, tell her you’re staying home for some reason, and she’ll probably quit asking cause eventually she’ll get the picture that you don’t want to hang out with her.

ETA: Is it possible she invited you to spend the night just because you’d be drinking tequila? My friends and I often extend that invitation if it means avoiding drunk driving, not because we want to snuggle up with our coworkers.

Post # 13
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think if she’s a real friend, then you should make an effort to accept every once in a while. But if you don’t really care about the friendship then keep being firm with your “Thank you, but no” responses and she will eventually slow down. You can also try having her over – that way you don’t ahve to travel!

Post # 14
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t get the sleepover part; but Darling Husband and I must be odd bc we are with our friends a few times a week. We all live within 10 miles of each other and are a tight knit group that is also composed of cousins. It’s usually dinner, hanging out or even just the girls or just the guys. We are homebodies too but you have to have lives outside of marriage. If she is a really close friend I would definetly be making the effort despite the drive.

Post # 15
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I understand being a homebodie, that is totally us. Being that she just recently moved an hour away she probably just wants to have people come over and not always have to drive, especially with kids. The sleepover thing is probably just so you can have drinks and not worry about driving. We have one couple friend and they live about 20 min from us, not far, but every once in a while when we all want to have drinks we will just crash there. Although I always wake up by like 7:30 and just go straight home.

Decline politely, but if this is someone you want to be friends with go over once in a while, just don’t stay. Go on a weekend afternoon so you can stay longer and aren’t driving so far for just a couple hours. And when she invites you over maybe suggest other things instead of her house.

Post # 16
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Like a PP I think a lot depends on whether she’s a real friend or just a coworker you’re friendly with at work. A coworker invited me to his house for dinner and I felt I had to accept. It took me an hour and a half in traffic to get there and an hour to get back home! I know he only meant well but I don’t think he realized what a chore it was to get to his house. Maybe if you insist that your friend come over she’ll realize how far it is and be more understanding.

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