My friend is dating a married man (LONG POST)

posted 7 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
45646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

dannytanner :   Pam is an idiot and of course this man is just cheating on his wife.

You nailed it.

Post # 3
Member
6426 posts
Bee Keeper

Are you worried about your friend getting hurt? Do you worry for her getting caught in a shit storm bob seems to be creating with his wife/girlfriend?

if so tell your friend why you’re worried and encourage her to break it off and see if bob sorts himself out and becomes single or not. 

Its unlikely she’ll take your advice but then just tell her you don’t want to hear about it as you find it difficult to hear the potiential pain for those involved

then leave it. Not your circus and all that. 

Post # 4
Member
7064 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Getting involved with a married man is stupid. But Pam is an adult, if she wants to be stupid there’s not much you can do about it. 

Post # 6
Member
341 posts
Helper bee

Okay, I’m going to be unpopular with this opinion, but I do actually really feel for your friend here. I’d suggest to her that she breaks it off and goes no contact for a while. At the moment he has literally no incentive to do the honourable thing and leave his wife – he’s getting his piece on the side with his poor wife none the wiser. If Pam goes AWOL and shows him what he’s missing, he’ll either realise he has genuine feelings for her (in which case Pam should only re-establish contact if he can show her proof he’s filed for divorce), or he won’t do a thing and will let Pam walk out of his life, which will hurt but will mean she’s free to heal and find a much, MUCH better guy. 

Post # 7
Member
4701 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Unfortunately she’s vulnerable  right now and that may be why she’s believing such an obvious lie. She so wants it to be true she can’t see he’s clearly just a straight up cheater. Does she ever meet him at his house? Surely his ex wife wouldn’t care right? I’m not suggesting she should do this, but I think if she thinks about the way she has to be on the dl about things and all that it may click with her. 

Post # 8
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I dated someone who claimed to be going through a divorce. Difference was mine lived in a completely different state from his wife. Long story short, he told me it was ongoing for like 2 years, I found out that he lied to me and it wasn’t filed until a year after he told me. Unless your friend SEES the divorce papers then I wouldn’t trust it. There are also books about dating separated men, it seems like a recipe for disaster for most. 

Post # 9
Member
5179 posts
Bee Keeper

dannytanner :  If I was Pam I’d confront the wife and tell her what a cheating SOB her husband is.  But I’m not Pam.  And if I were you, I’d talk to Pam about no longer seeing this man until he’s officially divorced from his wife.

Post # 10
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Your friend is a fool.  But I don’t think there’s really anything you can do about it.

Post # 12
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

Everyone involved knows the truth, but Pam is telling herself what she needs to tell herself to continue on with the affair.  

Post # 15
Member
341 posts
Helper bee

dannytanner :  Ugh, your update makes me want to bang my head against a wall. Like I said, I feel for her, but seriously…

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