- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Wow,I finally read this thread.Glad it worked out.
BUT U NEED TO SERIOUSLY TELL YOUR SISTER THAT HER FRIEND IS A WACKADOO!!!
Wow,I finally read this thread.Glad it worked out.
BUT U NEED TO SERIOUSLY TELL YOUR SISTER THAT HER FRIEND IS A WACKADOO!!!
YAY!!!! kitty is home where she belongs 😀
I am glad no police were involved, and very very happy to be wrong! Yay, Im so glad you got kitty back
now….make sure you never leave it with her again!
😀 Look forward to hearing the story!
thanks so much for the supportive comments everyone! i got home not too long ago. my husband finally referred to this woman as a b*tch, which made me happy to hear him say that, LOL. i really have so much i want to tell you, but i am just so exhausted from the stress, lack of sleep and driving today! so i will be back on tomorrow sometime! the rest of my story is not that crazy, just some more insight into her crazy mind. in fact, i realize now when she told me she “didn’t feel right” about me coming while she was out of town, i didn’t even ask her what she means by that. i can speculate on why., but i didn’t ask her directly. so sorry i won;t have a good answer for PPs who were asking about that!…… i am just the kind of person that thinks of what i want to say after the fact. my whole drive home i was replaying my convo with her in my head and wishing i said so many more things! my husband said i will get to say my peace at some point to her as i am sure she will be contacting us to see the cat when she is in town, but for now he thinks, and i agree, that we let things cool down. Also, i prefer to take the high road and not go out of my way to contact her just to give her more of a piece of my mind, but if she emails me for any reason, i can say more of what i wished i did today!
also, i know a few PPs told me maybe she is not that crazy, she was just concerned about the cat etc, and i agree that could be the case. but i actually got some more info from my husband tonight that SHE had left out. for example, her whole thing about telling me what kind of my food my cat needs to eat – she told me that when my husband gave her the cat back in April, the food he gave her was NOT the right kind. i didn’t know what to say and just thought it was weird because i know he knows what type of food to get. so i asked my husband about it tonight and he said he KNEW he gave her the wrong food because my mom had bought the wrong food and he TOLD HER THIS when he gave everything to her. He said they talked about how it would be best to wean the cat off the food my mom had given him and start him on the right food! But towards me today, she made it seem we had no idea what kind of food we are supposed to give the cat and that back in April my husband just mindlessly handed over the wrong food and didn’t say anything about it!! So she conveniently forgot the part where she and my husband already had this discussion. When i told my husband this, he got super annoyed that she said this because he knows he told her and they talked about it. Anyway, that was just an example of how i now can see that she has made up a story in her head, and any parts that don’t fit her perception, she has decided to leave out. …… You know, like how she is also forgetting about the part where she left the cat with us and stopped calling for over a month past the time she was supposed to come back for him five years ago!! i am sure she has re-written that little bit of history too! But that phone call i got from her 5 years ago really stuck in my mind because even back then i found her to be so bizarre about the whole thing. i clearly remember talking to my then boyfriend (now DH) and saying “so strange we haven’t heard from her, are you sure you want to keep the cats?” and then when she finally called, she acted so weird on the phone because she kept repeating herself: “i just feel bad that i never asked if YourBoyfriend wants to keep the cats, i feel bad that i never gave him that option!!!” and i remember thinking to myself how obvious can she be that she doesn’t want them anymore, why don’t you just come right out and say it! but of course, i just let it go, since no harm done, my DH was happy to keep the cats, so everyone was happy.
ok, i wrote more than i thought i would. i will continue tomorrow! goodnight 🙂
grr, i saw an update from you and thought you were recapping lol. ah well, i’ll have something to look at tomorrow when i take a break from packing and cleaning. 🙂 glad both of you are home safe!
i don’t even like cats, but i was cheering when you got it back! i would be pissed if someone was holding my pet hostage! can’t wait to hear more!
hey all. i will try to tell the full story now, but like i wrote last night, its not that exciting, lol. I had sent my friend that email (see my comment #19) very early monday morning – after i had the argument with her husband the night before. so i was anxiously checking my email all day monday for her reply, and she never did reply. i was hoping to wake up to something tuesday morning – nothing. so i was wondering if she got my message and purposely not replying? which made me nervous about her intentions. i went to her place without calling around 11am tuesday morning. i was afraid if i called first she would tell me not to come. I rang the bell 3 times, no answer. Then I knocked on her door – at this point i was sure she was not home or not answering and i was debating what to do next, then all of a sudden she opened the door! she said she didn’t hear the bell, but i guess she heard my knocking (hmmm….). so she was acting all nice, although the first thing she said was “are you ok”. the way she said it i thought i looked like something was wrong so i just said “ya?” and she said “cuz you were pretty upset the other night!” (meaning when i saw her husband, obviously he told her everything).
so anyway, we made small talk and she offered me a drink like three times and i declined. she started explaining about why she hadn’t wanted me to take the cat the other night – because she wanted us to sit down and talk, so i said “well, we can do that now”. she gave me her first funny/annoyed look. They were the looks that told me what she was really thinking/feeling, because as nice as she tried to be, there was lots of tension in the air and i can tell she was pissed with me, as much as i was with her!
so we sat down to talk. Her main arguments were, like i said, that she thought it was strange we didn’t call more to check up on our cat. i explained to her that we knew our cat was in good hands as we knew how well she cared for animals and we knew we had no reason to worry. I said we knew that if there was a problem, she would let us know. She tried to turn things around somehow and say “oh maybe it was my mistake for not communicating more with you!” And obviously i did not agree to that, because, no, i don’t think she needed to call us every week either!
Here is the thing. My DH left the cat with her in April. I have since looked at my DHs and my friend’s history of facebook chat and email messages, and at least once a month, if not two to three times, they spoke online and the cat was always mentioned. SHE ALWAYS TOLD HIM THE CAT WAS DOING FINE! they spoke on April 11 and she said the cat was doing fine and coming out of her shell (ie., adapting to a new place). My DH emailed her on May 11 to ask about the cat and told her that he could send her some money for food costs etc. She replied and said the cat is doing lovely and is no burden. On May 27, he emailed her again and asked how his cat was doing and she replied “just fine indeed” and from their messages, it seems there was plans for a phone call that week (must have been the ONE phone call that was not enough for her). DH also told me that early on after she had taken the cat to the vet, she had told him (on the phone i presume) that his fleas were taken care of and he was healing. SO HE KNEW THE CAT WAS BETTER AND HE WAS HAPPY WITH THAT INFO. —> AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID YESTERDAY?? That she was surprised my DH didn’t call her again to have a more thorough conversation about all the details of the vet visit, what the vet said word for word essentially. That is when she pulled the “If it was MY pet, i would want to know!” Good for you. we were happy knowing that the cat was healthy and planned to reimburse her the vet bills, excuse us for not living up to your standards of needing to obsessively know every detail!
After May it was me who was in touch with her. I emailed her on June 27 and told her our road trip plans and that we will come for the cat on July 12. She replied and ASKED TO KEEP THE CAT UNTIL AUGUST (because she can’t bear the thought of the cat leaving so soon!!!!). On July 5, she emailed me to say her and her husband will be out of town until July 14 and again said no rush to come for the cat. So since she was no longer going to be in town when i was, I said, “ok, i will take your offer to keep the cat longer, but for sure i am in town the last weekend of July and will come for her then OR SOONER” And i even said we miss our cat and are anxious to see him!
Ok, so she does get crazier, and the tension increased between us when she kept repeating and repeating herself on her point about how she didn’t understand why we didn’t call more often and that’s what she would have done – i finally said to her, because i knew it was going nowhere “ok, well if that’s how you feel” —- meaning – and she caught the meaning as evidenced by the annoyed/horrified look on her face – “if that’s how you feel, great, i don’t feel that way and i am not going to change my mind!” She said “well, ya that’s how i feel!” and her tone was such that meant “well, ya, DUH that’s how feel, because i’m right!”.
So then she finally went onto the points that she actually wanted to talk about. Remember in her crazy long email to me she made a bullet point list of everything we need to discuss. Well, she was a bit frazzled in telling me everything since she didn’t know where her notes were. Yes, you read that right, she had made notes to prepare for our discussion. I think my showing up unanncounced left her a little less prepared.
Let me copy the list here and i will tell what was soooo crucially important that she had to tell me. I will preface it by saying that she essentially was treating me like i have never had a pet in my life. At one point i even had to say, as much as i was trying to bite my tongue, “i have taken care of animals before, so ya, i know what you mean!” ANd then she was all “oh of course i know you do, i just meant….” and then i told her that her emails had implied otherwise.
Ok, here was her list (and i also want to say that i am putting this list, what she had to say, and what my response is so all the PPs who thought just maybe i DON’T know how to care for a cat will know this is not the case. my friend was really just being righteous and thinking she knows best, and for no reason!)
1) vet visits
—> this was actually the *only* important piece of information i got from her! And it took her like one minute to tell me, Again, why couldn’t this be said on the phone or email or the next time i see her??? Basically, the vet had told her that my cat is allergic to fleas and if he is ever in outdoors or in an environment where he could be exposed to potential fleas, then we may need to give him regular flea treatments for the rest of his life. okay, thank you for telling me. so this is her big thing that she was so upset about we didn’t to call to ask about. But i am wondering, who would think to ask this?? I would think that when DH called her the one time after she went to vet and asked if everything was okay, she might have volunteered this info then?? No, apparently we need to say “oh, can you tell me everything the vet said” and through email is also not good enough for her!
2) interactions with other pets
—-> She told me that my cat didn’t get along with only one of her four cats. She went into great detail about how my cat would sometimes swipe at her cat. Back story – i actually have a crazy cat for the past 4 years. I had to take my cat to the west coast because everyone is afraid of her. She only likes me and my DH. But when i used to go out of town or my DH out of town, we would look after each other’s cats by bringing them to eachother places. So my cat and my DHs cat have acutally spent time together before. We know how they interact and we know that they eventually adapt to one another!!!! And you know what, i used to tell my friend the funny stories about when we had all the cats together, so she KNOWS this. Remember, we have been friends for YEARS and she is a huge cat person, so we have talked about cats MANY times for MANY years!
3) flea treatments
—> this was the same as point one.
4) type of food he needs to eat (re: bladder issues)
—> I explained the food in my comment last night (see #139). Just another case of her leaving out memories to suit the story she built in her head.
5) automatic feeding
—-> As i said in a previous comment, we use automatic feeders, it allows our cats to be fed at the same time everyday and the correct portion, It also makes our lives easier in case for example, we don’t want to go home straight after work, we know they are being fed. But automatic feeders really only work well when you have up 2 cats in all honesty. My DH and I set it up so that each cat eats in a different room and they learn which is theirs and it keeps them from eating each others food. WELL, my friend had to tell me that SHE couldn’t use the feeder because her other cat would go and eat my cat’s food. NO SHIT, YOU HAD FIVE CATS LIVING IN THE HOUSE!!!! So ya, this was actually one of the points of her “crucial discussion”.
6) what floor you live on (this will be explained, not to worry!)
—-> This also relates to point #1. Basically, if we are living on the first floor and our cat sits by the window all the time, he could get fleas and is allergic to them. But really, this same info was spread among three points on her crucial list.
7) important vet coordinates in Toronto
—> Ah yes, because we are idiots who can’t find our own vet in our new city so she must take her recommendation. Okay, i am being mean now. If i wasn’t pissed at her for 20 other reasons, i would think its nice of her to give us a recommendaiton. Since she didn’t have her notes on hand yesterday, she said she will email me this info – see it can be done! Email, telephone, there ARE other ways to communicate!
OKAY I SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST. In her attempt to explain her behavior about holding onto my cat, she told that she never told ME what was going on her with her because she knew we had so much going on already (and we did – my parents split up, the other cat died, we were living on the side of the country, we were planning our wedding,…). I don’t fully understand her logic her or what she means, so i am going to do the best i can to just tell you what she said. Basically, she told me that my cat has played a significant part in her marriage and even caused a strain in her marriage. I beleive this is because her husband never wanted to take in the cat in April (um, because they already had 5 animals, understandable – but she had went out of her way to offer it, so we accepted not knowing it was causing problems in her marriage!). So she went on to say that my cat has played this role in her marriage and therefore had significant meaning to her and her husband and therefore it was, of course, important to say a proper goodbye to my cat! I’ll leave you think/say what you to that one.
I’m done! I think i wrote ALOT, but i will submit it now to see just how much i wrote and then try to edit it down some! If you read all or some of this, i would love to hear your opinions/comments on anything!
wow. my opinion from before still holds– this is one batshit crazy lady. thank goodness you have the cat back and you can cut this woman from your life now. it is really generous of her and her husband to take care of the cat for such a long period of time, but they offered. and that doesn’t give her the right to decide that she knows what’s best for the cat, especially since she has such a selective memory. ugh. what self-righteousness and arrogance!
however, that was another annoying thing she said. I think when she was talking about how the cat relates to her marriage, one thing she said was that her husband had gotten angry at her and said “its not your responsibilty to take care of this cat”….so i told her, “it’s true, it was NOT your responsibility, we thought you were just doing us a favor! if you couldn’t take the cat, we WOULD have found an alternate plan – even if it meant spending hundreds of dollars on an extra plane ticket just to fly the cat down before our wedding and back again in July. Of course, that was not IDEAL for us, what was ideal was someone in our hometown taking in the cat and then she came along and offered, so we said “sure, thanks!”
By The Way – sorry my full story post is so long (comment #142). my phone rang and when i came back to edit the hour was almost up, so i didn’t have much time to edit it shorter!
Yeah this lady sounds like a fruit loop. She offered (actually insisted) to take the cat and then implied that it was some huge burden/strain on her marriage.
Sounds like this lady likes to be a martyr and has no concept of how to relate to actual people anymore.
My advice is don’t let her visit your cat when she comes to town, it would just be so… awkward & she’d probably tell you everything that’s wrong with your place because your cat, idk can’t see out all the windows & that could “emotionally damage” him. Ok ok I’m teasing but seriously I wouldn’t let her visit. Odd how she didn’t mention visiting you, just wanting to see your cat. Ugg, wow I read your entire recap. Some people are “crazy cat people” & that’s what I’d catergorize her in. Its kinda sweet how much she cares for the cat, but WOW, she took it wayyyyy too far. At least, after all of this, you know your cat is allergic to fleas. But I’m assuming if your cat did get fleas, you’d get rid of them ASAP anyways. So… hmm. & its ok, I’ve made super long posts too :).
I was reading back some of your comments from the past couple of days and just want to reply to a couple of things that people asked about:
– someone asked how my husband’s first day was and it was great, thanks for asking! he really likes it so far 🙂 (i need to find a job now, lol).
– a couple of people mentioned my sister because she is friends with this girl and is better friends with her than i have ever been. Basically my sister wanted to stay out of it. However, she doesn’t agree with her friends actions and she is worried there will be tension/awkwardness the next time they see each other. I guess she will deal with it when the time comes. She also said this is just her personality and this woman has always been weird about animals, so on some level my sister is not surprised by all of this, but my sister did say she thinks it was definitely over the top and completely unnecessary.
My sister also thinks if it were her (and not me), she just would have let them keep the cat an extra week and not cared much. But for me, it was more the principle of the whole thing! And yes, i have thought about how none of this would have happened if my friend had not been out of town this weekend or i had chosen another weekend to come – BUT i am glad it did. Because it is not like this “just happened”. They have clearly been judging us for weeks about our apparent lack of contact.
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