(Closed) My friend isn’t happy for me

posted 9 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

Do you think she might just be over protective?  Ultimately, if she’s a good friend, then she should only have your best interests at heart.  I do agree that it’s tricky when your friends only hear about the bad stuff about the guy (because that’s when you need to rant!) versus the good stuff about the guy (because that can come off as annoying, pretentious, or just nauseating!).  But perhaps you can start trying to share the good qualities about him to ease her fears.  Let her know that YOU are sure he is the one and you hope that she can be happy for you.  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I’ve sort of been on the other side of this, but to a somewhat lesser degree.  One of my good friends in college (and roommates) got engaged and we (other gfs & me) were all happy for her… but sort of not.  It was REALLY hard for us all to reconcile the things she had been telling us about her relationship and her reservations.  We all had no idea what to do or say and just tried our best with the old, "We’re happy you’re happy!"  It’s probably a more extreme example because there were several of us worried for fairly serious reasons, and ultimately she broke off the engagement on her own.

 

But as a friend who cares and wants to be honest, it can be extremely difficult to change yoru mind – especially if your friend is as stubborn as myself & other girlfriends, haha.  I think it’s just a protective instinct on her part, she loves you and she’ll come around – it might just take a little more time for her to get convinced 🙂  Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Give her some time and some space to work through this.  For much of my life I was the lonely single chick who had to contantly be happy as everyone around her got engaged while I was still alone.  Perhaps that is how your friend is feeling.  She may be afraid to lose you to your new husband.

At least she was honest with you.  Hopefully she will come around.  

In the meantime, don’t press the issue- don’t ask her if she’s coming or make a decision on asking her to be a bridesmaid.  If she comes around, great!  She can support you on the big day. If she doesn’t, it’s her loss.

Sorry your happy engagement time is being tinged with sadness.

Post # 7
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

As your really good and roommate for 3 years she may need an adjustment period, particularly if the engagement was a bit of a suprise to her.  She may feel alone or like she is going to "lose" you.  This happens to some when a major life change is going to occur.  Give her some time to adjust and be comfortable with your new life.

She will come around in her own time…Until then remain supportive of her and the things she has going on her life to remind her that you genuinely still care about her.

Good Luck!

Post # 8
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just from reading your post, it strikes me that you are extremely self aware, and that you handle emotional issues well. With your maturity, I would honestly suggest saying much of what you said to us to her. Just start with a statement about how you value her, you value her opinion, and you know she has been there through the good and bad, so working on this relationship through this transition is a priority.

One conversation probably won’t do it, so really commit to your friendship. Discomfort will be tough, but just think how great it will be to still have her in your life in a positive way as you launch into the next big chapter in your life.

Post # 10
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

 

Congratulations and welcome to the Hive!  Great to have another Seattleite here 🙂

I echo that it sounds like you had a very mature and productive conversation.  I’ve also been "the roommate" many times, and it’s not an easy place to be!  There are feelings of abandonment, unworthiness that often that comes out as criticism of the engaged person. (Though not intended that way…)

The best thing to do is to give her as much time and space as she needs, continue loving her, and not talk about engagement or wedding stuff around her for a while.  I bet she’ll come around, and your friendship will be stronger for it– in no small part because you have such solid communication!

Post # 11
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Yeah, I’d agree with the protective label.  You mentioned that she was there for you when your last engagement broke off.  She probably remembers that hurt just as vividly as you do, and if you’ve talked to her about your issues with your Fiance, she’s probably really scared of the same thing happening again.  I mean, your fears are tempered by your immediate happiness, but with her being a little further from the situation, she’s probably just scared for you.  I’d give her time to adjust, and maybe hang out with her and your Fiance so she can see that you two really do work well together.

Post # 12
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Hmm, wow, your situation sounds really familiar to mine.  I know exactly how you feel.  Thanks for the post–I gained a lot of insight. 

I would say wait a while and see how you feel about making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor.  Hopefully, she can fully accept your decision to be with your FH.  Has she actually confronted you about why she doesn’t approve of your FI?  Maybe try gently reassuring that you know what you’re doing and you’re sticking by your decision.  

Try hanging out with her, maybe avoid talking about the wedding for a while and see how that goes.  

If you want to see the replies I got for my situation…go here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/leaning-towards-having-no-mohis-that-a-bad-idea

Best of luck to you – I hope you regain the moral and emotion support that you need.

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