(Closed) My Friend Lost Her Fiance & I Just Got Engaged

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like he passed away – is that right?  When did he pass and when were they supposed to get married?

Post # 3
Member
6945 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

When you say lost, do you mean he passed away? How awful. I don’t really have any advice in this situation as to how to tell her you’re engaged. Just sorry all around. What a sad situation. 

That said, don’t feel guilty for being happy. You should be happy! But that doesn’t mean you can’t also feel sorry for your friend and mourn her loss as well. Feelings aren’t exclusive. 

Post # 4
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
ciaobella01 :  In this instance, does lost=passed away or does lost=broke up with?

I dont think either way she will be mad or angry that you are engaged! If she is a good friend, she will be happy for you!

Post # 6
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

You clearly care a lot about your friend, so as long as you handle this delicately I think it’ll be fine– keep it very low key and just tell her that you wanted to make sure she heard directly from you that you’re engaged, instead of second-hand from someone else. Let her respond and then change the topic.

Post # 7
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
ciaobella01 :  My first husband was diagosed with cancer when we were 24 and then passed away 7 years later.  I’ll admit it was hard when all my friends were happy and healthy and having babies while we were in hell, but I was still happy for them and hosted all their baby showers!  And after my husband died, the worst thing was people staying away and not seeing me or telling me things because they didn’t know how I’d feel or they didn’t know what to say to me.  It felt very isolating.  I think you should tell her when you’re in person, and say something like — “I wanted you to hear from me that I’m engaged, but I know this is an incredibly painful time for you right now and nothing else needs to be said about it now — I judt want to be here for you and be supportive however you need me to be.” And then do that – just be there for her 100%.  She has a tough road ahead of her. 

Post # 8
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Being all awkward and weird and downplaying your happiness isn’t going to help her. It’s not like she’s magically forgotten that her Fiance died and oh wait, your engagement suddenly made her remember! But you communicating in an odd way will make her feel isolated and lonely. 

Share the news like you would anyone else at first, then tell her the truth, that you care about her and wonder how she’s feeling. This leaves the ball in her court so she can either say, “I’m so happy for you!” ending the discussion or “You know, I have mixed feels.” Which opens up the discussion to help her sort through her grief a bit with you. 

Post # 10
Member
2591 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

View original reply
ciaobella01 :  You deserve to be happy and enjoy your moment. Do not forget that. Do not feel guilty for moving forward in your life. Ever.

That being said, it is very unfortunate that she has lost her fiance and I think you must be a good friend for keeping that in mind as to handle the situation delicately. Just be prepared that she may have different emotions than you can expect when you tell her. I would suggest telling her in private so that she does not feel too overwhelmed. Eventhough it is a very raw and emotional subject for her, she can still be happy for you even if she is sad for herself. You never know, she may surprise you with her reaction, maybe it will be a good distraction for her to help plan your day and to get back into the swing of things, but don’t expect that she may want to help, leave that ball in her court to decide if she would like to and let her know that you will be completely understanding if she does not wish to help you plan.

Post # 11
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I don’t have any helpful advice, but I just wanted to say how wonderful you are for considering your friend’s feelings and being there for her.  My Fiance dying is my actual worst nightmare and I’m heartbroken for your friend. 

Post # 12
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You have a good heart, and if your friend is anything like you, my guess would be that she would not want you to diminish your happiness because of her tragedy. That’s not to mean that you should flaunt it, but you should in no way hide your engagement from her, or leave her out, just because you think it will make her sad. 

I would think that telling her one on one is best, and certainly, do it soon. She should hear about your engagement from you and not someone else. 

The topic ‘My Friend Lost Her Fiance & I Just Got Engaged’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors