(Closed) My friend might be in danger, but I don't know how to approach it.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would be very very very concerned for my friend, way too much sketchiness in that situation for my personal comfort.   I have a real problem with dishonesty (other people being purposely dishonest!) and I would not date this person.  If I were you I would just keep a close eye on my friend and hope for the best, unfortunately she is an adult and free to make her own choices.

Post # 4
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be concerned and think you should voice your concerns to her – if for no other reason but to have no regrets later on.  However, after voicing your concerns (be blunt and honest don’t sugar coat your feelings) she and only she can make the decision to stay with him or not.  Nothing anyone says or does will make someone end a relationship until they are ready to.  

Post # 5
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

This is so tough but good for you to be concerned enough to investigate and be looking out for her, as a true GREAT friend.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she wants to hear it, however, sometimes you have to ask yourself what is worse: protecting your friend and risking a lost friendship, or losing your friendship or a friend possibly to a guy who has a sordid past?

Remember those first few months of being n love? NO ONE could tell you any different that the guy you found was perfect, to a tee. Oh, yes, I can recall EVERY Tom Dick and Harry  I dated in the past being absolutely perfect for me and an AMAZING guy. (eye roll insterted here). 🙂

 

I think you should raise your concerns with your friends, and ask her to be careful, and that you love her and care for her, and offer to show her the info you found. Be clear you are not judging her, and yes, whats in the past is in the past with this guy and you just want her happy, and hope she doesn’t think you are overstepping by offering opinions on this.

Most likely, she will keep an eye out but not really listen to you right now. But when something gets really funky, maybe, just maybe….she will recall the talk you guys had.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Tell her to quit kidding herself.

I used to “date” online. I got into a lot of sticky situations. One guy, HAD been in prison. He told me he loved me right away. He was convicted of burglary, arson…a bunch of things. I found out later he was having sex for money in his state.

 

I have recently found out (mostly through internet research) that my child’s biological father is meeting women, lying about who he is, his occupation, his finanacial status, his family (including daughter)..and now more than a few people are taking him to court for robbing them (checks, credit cards, cars, and a boat)

She should really be very careful. I have met tons ( I was young, ok?! Eeek) of guys from different sites. plentyoffish, myyearbook (years ago when it was even called that) even just plain ol facebook. Alot of my friends have as well. We have barely escaped a few times with our lives. (One guy pulled a knife on us in a hotel)

She is old enough to make her own choices, but you should still never let up. She could get seriously hurt, emotionally, physically, financially.

Post # 7
Hostess
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Well I think that you have every right to be worried about your friend! Yes, people do make mistakes. And honestly, I would be a lot more afraid of a murder or serial rapist than a person who commited fraud. However, a felony is a felony. With that being said, one of my best friends is a former drug addict and was in jail for 5 years for armed robbery. He was going down the way wrong path, and these days, I’d trust him with my life. 

Anywho, with his lying about his photo, he obviously hasn’t made that life change. You need to sit down your friend because right now she is obviously falling exactly into the cliche. She is “blinded by love.” 

There’s nothing wrong with online dating, that’s actually how I met Fiance, but you need to be smart about it. And right now, it sounds like she isn’t being smart at all. 
 

Good luck hon, and keep us updated!

Post # 9
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didn’t think people looked to date on craig’s list after the craig’s list killer came out.

Post # 10
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@OP, didn’t you already express your concerns to your friend? And she brushed them aside?

I thought you did! If NOT, then YES! Express your concerns asap, and in a loving friendly way of course.

Post # 13
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee

I have no idea what to do in that situation. But I’d watch him closely. Maybe go on double dates with them or something. I’m not saying set this guy up, but maybe if giving the oppertunity, you could call him on his bullshit.

Post # 14
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

Does she have money or access to funds that may be keeping him around…looking for fraud opportunities?

Post # 15
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The Craigslist picture could just be a way to protect his identity, but I personally wonder about anyone who posts a personal ad on Craigslist of all places. You’re having a gut feeling about him and I think that’s something worth paying attention to.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting your friend know that you have these concerns. Just try to frame it in a way that won’t cause her to want to be defensive. Try to open up conversation about him and gague her thoughts about their relationship, him, his history. Does she know anything about his family life? The fraud charges are most definitly sketchy, but unless the charges were for, say, domestic abuse or something violent, then I wouldn’t go demanding she stop seeing him or anything like that.

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