(Closed) My friend needs advice and I have no idea what to tell her. Help please!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

UM THAT IS BONKERS. I mean, I’d tell her to leave! But also, I mean if my husband was “known to sleep with prostitutes” I’d be gone a long time ago. If this is the drama she wants, it’s what she wants. OH MAN YOU WERENT KIDDING IT IS CRAZY!!!!

Post # 4
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@NaijaPuertoDorian:  I don’t know that I would want to stay with anyone that I even suspected was with a prostitute. If he’s getting tested, than he obviously has had some type of relations with this girl. Isn’t he worried about passing diseases to his wife? I just don’t think I could be with someone that could cheat on me, especially not with a sex worker…that’s just dangerous. She needs to dump him. No doubt.

Post # 7
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

@NaijaPuertoDorian:  I think the craziest part is that the twins used to switch identities to sleep with each other’s wives/girlfriends. Everything else is much more believable, but I honestly can’t believe this.

Also, as far as I know, I don’t think it matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl in terms of paternity.

Post # 8
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Wow. I saw a twin-switch Jerry Springer once… but I digress.

I would just tell her to take some time to herself. Let grandma or someone she trusts take the kids and go rent a hotel room for a few days so she can get away from the craziness, gain some perspective, and decide what she wants to do. When you’re surrounded by crazy you get sucked into the crazy mindset. That sounds like this is what happened to her.

Post # 9
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

They must be amazing at impersonating each other. Every time I’ve gotten to know a set of twins, it’s been obvious who’s who once I knew them well… but at the same time in both cases I could imagine them pulling pranks if they wanted.

This story is kind of amazing. I don’t even think I can do advice right now. I dont even know how to respond to this. I feel like one of those “truth is stranger than fiction” things.

Post # 11
Member
8729 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Fact- just because you have girl babies with your wife does not mean that you wont have a boy baby with someone else.

And if my twin brother wasn’t going to accept responsibility for a child and I had the means to support another child even though it was my nephew then of course I would accept responsibility rather than see my flesh an blood grow up with a dodgy mother or in the foster care system.

It sounds like the brother is shady. If the wife has no reason to suspect that her hubby would sleep with a prostitute then maybe he is just trying to do the right thing.

Post # 12
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

The thing that concerns me the most is the fact that the twins both tricked their brothers’ wives into having sex with them. I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is rape. It is not recognized legally everywhere, but some states in the US have laws about “rape by deception” or rape by fraud.” And regardless of whether its considered a crime legally, I really believe that it is rape because the consent is only because of the deceit. It’s really messed up at both your friend’s husband and her brother-in-law would do something like that. Here’s a few references:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_by_deception

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1m4e-zzQBFaNZLDwmas7KK3XrRFZr_pFCJbCSY2XjYq4/edit?pli=1

I also agree with previous posters about concerns regarding STD’s and STI’s. I would strongly urge your friend to get tested. I’m not saying that all sex workers have diseases – anyone who believes their partner may have had unprotected sex with someone else should get tested.

Has he told her why exactly he’s considering accepting paternity and raising the child? It does strike me as kind of strange. Maybe he’s just being kind, but it could also mean that he thinks the child might be his.

Other than that, just offer her support. Be a friend. I know the situation is weird, but try your best not to judge, even if you don’t understand her relationship.

Post # 13
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As a person married to an identical twin, I can tell you there’s no way I believe that they were able to switch partners that easily. Only if it were dark and I couldn’t see his face clearly would I believe that my husband’s twin brother were him. To the rest of the world, my husband and his brother look identical, but to me they look as identical as any two non-twin brothers look. So, I find it hard to believe that anyone married to a twin could be so easily fooled! 

Post # 14
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

It makes me sick even reading that story. My advise is to work on building up your friend and helping her realize what she is in is NOT a marriage and help her realize she deserves better and to leave him. She needs to see a doctor and get tested right away too. Obviously if this prostitue got pregnant she is not using protection. Your friend is at a great risk. She should not be with a discusting human being who cheats on her with prostitutes, tricks other women into sleeping with him by pretending to be someone else and allowing his brother to trick her into sleeping with him. The whole situation is so vile. The baby aside, there are so many other reasons she should have left him a long time ago.  

Post # 15
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Leave and get in touch with a shark of a divorce lawyer. 

Post # 16
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

O.O

Regardless of whether the baby is his or not, what is she thinking staying with someone who would trick her (or allow her to be tricked) into sleeping with another man? That is crazy.

I would leave, even if she doesn’t believe the baby is his, he obviously doesn’t care about her too much if he’s willing to trick her into sleeping with his brother, or cheat on his wife with his sister in law.

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