Post # 1
I was looking for a venue for our casual reception a week after our destination elopement wedding. We didn’t want to spend too much and we were lucky enough to have my friend’s mother offer her gorgeous expensive inner city apartment for our reception. I was told the size of the balcony and I told them how many people and we were all good to go. A month later I am buying all of the bits and pieces for our reception and am working out tables etc, so I email my friend and ask whether these tables will fit on the balcony. She has already told me it is huge and had given me a comparison so I know they will easily fit, but I just want to double check.
My friend writes back and says not only will the tables not fit, but her mother will not want me bringing extra tables and chairs into the apartment. I am a little confused as the only table at the venue is a 12 person long dining table. So she calls me and I tell her I am confused, and she just says ‘Oh well, you will just have to do a casual cocktail style instead.’ and told me there are plenty of places for people to sit.. the lounge room, the kitchen, the front balcony etc.. But that is not what I wanted for my wedding reception. I would like people to be able to sit at a table to eat their dinner and have their drink next to them. Not balancing their dinner plate on their lap or have to put their drink on the floor next to them, or be in a completely separate room to myself and the groom. There are only 20 – 25 of us! She suggested we could have it in the common area of the apartment complex, where the public pool is. So minimal decorations and it will not be closed off to other residents, and I am assuming no alcohol in that area either. She had assured me there was plenty of room for that many people on her mother’s balcony, but now I have half organised it, she says ‘Oh.. haha! I might have exaggerated the size a little!’ I am overseas at the moment so I can’t just go over and have a look until I am home.
So I said I was a little disappointed that I was told the balcony was much larger than it actually is, and that I was not allowed to have my guests at tables or in nicely matching chairs in the same room together. I have already bought all of the stuff for my centrepieces and the lace for the chairs. I have even booked the caterer, which she just basically said “Well you will have to call them and change the menu to chicken wings!” I said it wasn’t really what I was hoping for my reception and eating chicken wings in a white wedding dress sounds like a disaster waiting to happen! She called me a Bridezilla and had a laugh, but I felt hurt. After the phone conversation, she then tagged me in a Facebook post calling me a Bridezilla. I have not done anything remotely Bridezilla-ish, other than say I was really hoping my guests could eat their dinner at a table.
I do understand her mother has offered the place for free. I did offer to pay money but it was declined. We can afford another venue, we just thought it was very sweet of them to offer the apartment. But I didn’t realise there were so many strings attached, that it will turn out to be nothing like I had envisioned for our day of celebration.
Now I am at a loss. Do I change my entire ‘vision’ of my wedding reception because the venue is free? Or do I look elsewhere and have what I want? I am not happy about being referred to as Bridezilla and it would be pointless to defend myself as that would make it even worse (Clearly she has never been to a wedding site or watched any wedding tv shows….) but now I am worried that this will be the start of something really not worth following through. I have a bad feeling that this will just be the tip of the iceberg and it will end up being some crappy chicken wing kegger party in the community public pool area.
Post # 2
Rainstorm77: I think you need to stick to your vision, and what you want, and if that means you have to pay for a venue – so be it! Anything other than the aforementioned points will, most likely, leave you regretful, and no one deserves that after their marriage celebration!!
Post # 3
Rainstorm77: Honestly, I would definitely thank them for offering but find another venue. If she is flaky enough to fudge the numbers and then an asshole enough to tag you in a Facebook post calling you a Bridezilla, then she/her mother may not be the most reliable option for you and your guests.
Surely there are other venues in your area that could easily and affordably accommodate 25 people!
Post # 4
Rainstorm77: Have you tried talking to her mother directly? She might be more reasonable regarding your concerns/issues. If that’s not an option, I’d switch the venue – it doesn’t seem like it’s worth it when you’ll be getting almost nothing that you want.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Don’t compromise on your vision. Find a new venue and make it everything you actually want!
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Just tell her directly, “Thank you but now that I know more, I don’t think the logistics will work for an actual wedding reception. You do truly appreciate her offer though, but you will be looking for another venue to hold it at.” Do not compromise on your vision. It’s your wedding and you only get one shot at it.
Post # 7
It’s been said. I would thank the mother for offering her apartment, but now that you know that you will not be able to seat your guests for dinner, you have booked another venue.
Post # 8
annb9: Not yet. I was contemplating it but I think my friend will feel a little miffed that I went over her head to ask her mother, when she’s already told me what I can and can’t do. I think it would be a good idea to get confirmation but I think it would definitely put my friend’s nose out of joint.
OUgal0004: Mrs_Amanda: LMD: MrsTtoB:
Thank you for your replies. I just don’t want to upset her and have her think I am being unreasonable because she/her mother are offering this place for free and I am being a bitch by having wildly crazy expectations (sarcasm intended). I tried to tell her it sounded more like a party than a wedding reception but by this stage she kept laughing and saying ‘Bridezilla!!!’ so it had gotten to the point that it was useless to say anything else.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Rainstorm77: I wouldn’t want to hurt their feeligns either, but in the long run, you’re going to be more upset if you don’t do what makes you happy. FWIW, she sounds kind of like a bad friend the way she’s heckling you & dismissing your concerns by namecalling. :/
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I’d be pissed off about being tagged Bridezilla on fb. Unnecessary! I would tell her thank you, but you are going to find someplace else.
Post # 11
LMD: She isn’t normally that bad, but I have noticed since I’ve become engaged, that a few times she’s been a little less than supportive or saying things that aren’t the nicest. I am also pretty sure she had a couple of drinks under her belt so maybe her tongue was a little looser than it normally is.
Post # 12
whoa_its_ash: Yeah it wasn’t too subtle either!
Post # 13
Rainstorm77: you get another venue, of course. This is not different that the Bees’ whose relatives try to control their weddings because they’re footing the bill. In this case your friend’s mother is footing the bill (i.e. not charging you) for your reception space and she thinks that means she can force you to serve chicken wings while guests stand trying to balance their plates. If you CAN get your own place, then do so. ASAP.
Post # 14
Bow out before things get worse. Graciously thank them for their offer, but explain that due to the sudden restrictions you think it would be best to look for another venue. There should be no need for further explination on her part, but if there is, just be honest. Explain you had a vision about what you wanted for this event and you simply didn’t want to comprimise on that aspect. In these instances, it’s tricky to balance getting what you want with hurting anyone’s feelings, but just remember that this is your day, and she isn’t bending or making exceptions for you, so neither should you for her.
Post # 15
Hell no. A simple “eff you lying, conniving, name calling, jealous-of-brides, micromanaging b****!” Ok, maybe just in your dreams. IRL MrsTtoB‘s lovely words will suffice and get your point across. I’d also be sure to mention that they will of course be welcome at the new reception and call it a day.