(Closed) My Friend, our Officiant, is a Jerk

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@CookieCreamCakes ugh that is such a dick move by Adam to not apologize at how John was acting to you! I think you’ve seen the light and know that you need to tell John to forget it. The fact that Adam said what he said and didn’t stand up for you is shit. I’d write to them both and say that you have decided to have your brother be your officiant. You don’t need to justify anything at this point.

Dear John,

In light of recent events we have decided to have my brother officiate our ceremony.



Post # 34
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@CookieCreamCakes:  Did he know from the beginning that you were planning to write the whole thing, and his job was just to read it? Because that is not what most officiants do. I would imagine he probably already had his wording in mind, or was working on something special, and maybe you threw him for a loop by saying “ok, here’s your script.” Most officiant’s will ask for your input, such as “do you want a long ceremony or short & sweet, very solemn or can I crack a few jokes, are you doing a unity candle/roses for moms/sand ceremony, etc” but they are not usually just handed a script and expected to read it as if it’s their own words. Even when couples write their own vows, the rest of the ceremony is typically up to the officiant. 

This might very easily have just been a miscommunication. He probably thought you were hirng him for his personality and thoughts, not just his voice, and when he realized his role was just to parrot back your words, questionable grammar and all, he was probably too surprised and disappointed to calmly and politely say “I didn’t realize that’s what you wanted from me.” 

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