Post # 32
@CookieCreamCakes ugh that is such a dick move by Adam to not apologize at how John was acting to you! I think you’ve seen the light and know that you need to tell John to forget it. The fact that Adam said what he said and didn’t stand up for you is shit. I’d write to them both and say that you have decided to have your brother be your officiant. You don’t need to justify anything at this point.
In light of recent events we have decided to have my brother officiate our ceremony.
Post # 33
Even Fiance was floored! His response to me (he’s at work and so am I) was simply, “Wow.” Translation: we’re talking it over one last time, then issuing the firing.
Adam mentioned in the same message that he had mailed back the reply card – that they’re coming. I’ll consider them coming but imagine they won’t be after tonight. I’m not going to tell them they can’t come – I have a feeling they’ll take care of that themselves when they’re downgraded to guests.
And I’d imagine they won’t let me know if they’ve changed their minds after tonight, but here’s to hoping.
Thanks again, everybody. Sometimes people really show their colors, don’t they?
Post # 34
Did he know from the beginning that you were planning to write the whole thing, and his job was just to read it? Because that is not what most officiants do. I would imagine he probably already had his wording in mind, or was working on something special, and maybe you threw him for a loop by saying “ok, here’s your script.” Most officiant’s will ask for your input, such as “do you want a long ceremony or short & sweet, very solemn or can I crack a few jokes, are you doing a unity candle/roses for moms/sand ceremony, etc” but they are not usually just handed a script and expected to read it as if it’s their own words. Even when couples write their own vows, the rest of the ceremony is typically up to the officiant.
This might very easily have just been a miscommunication. He probably thought you were hirng him for his personality and thoughts, not just his voice, and when he realized his role was just to parrot back your words, questionable grammar and all, he was probably too surprised and disappointed to calmly and politely say “I didn’t realize that’s what you wanted from me.”
Post # 35
I told him from the start what I expected from him – both John and Adam. He did seem surprised several months back when I reiterated that (He told me he didn’t know what he was going to say) I had what I wanted him to say. He had been asking for the script for a few weeks, and then…hello. I really wish he had told me from the start, “I’d like to see what you have in mind before I agree to do it” rather than agreeing, then having a meltdown when I handed it to him.
He has never asked for my input – at any point of the process. It ‘s been unsolicited advice or commentary (he seriously told me, “I wanted to do a gender-neutral ceremony for you,” omitting words like ‘husband,’ ‘wife,’ ‘him,’ ‘her,’ etc. The guy who is so deeply concerned about grammar clearly isn’t too concerned about writing stilted vows, I guess).
When I told him I wanted a short ceremony, he told me I needed to make it longer. When I’ve told him I want our ceremony to be 5 – 10 minutes long, it was, “I think it should be a minimum of 15 to 20 minutes.” He’s over-stepped.
In other words…sort of like talking to a wall. I don’t want to see what he’ll “have in mind” at our rehearsal. He’ll probably be arguing with every decision I make instead of letting me just plan and organize my own wedding.
I should add – I’ve never been to a wedding where giving the officiant free reign worked out well. It always trails off into some awkward fire and brimstone sermon. I also don’t apreciate that John was telling me he wanted my wedding to be “solemn and professional.” Once again, no consideration for what I wanted. It’s been a power struggle the whole way through.
Post # 36
Well, we gave him an out to fire himself: letting him know that if he’s not comfortable reading the vows as they are, we have a back-up and we want him to keep the money. I’m hoping he’ll elect to fire himself though, admittedly. But at least it keeps us from burning bridges as much.
I have a feeling he may just agree to it and back out.