(Closed) my friend wants to bring her MOM to my destination wedding!

posted 10 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
32 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think your friend’s request is extremely rude.  I think you’re within your rights to say "I’m so sorry, but I just don’t feel comfortable with the situation, and since we are only accomodating our closest friends, it will be hard for me to explain to others as well."  Just say no.

Post # 4
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Oh, what a sticky situation.

My guess is that she doesn’t know how obtuse she’s being. Here’s what I would do: tell her that you really want her and her husband to be there for all of the wedding events – not just the ceremony – and that you cannot fit her mother in. Tell her that her mother is welcome to accompany her to Spain, but you can’t afford to pay extra to have her stay at the resort and you won’t be including her in your wedding (you could even be a little humorous here and say "There are some people who would be pissed if they found out that someone I don’t even know got to come when I told them that they couldn’t!").

You can still be understanding – say that you know that this is a good opportunity for her mom to take a much-needed vaycay. Suggest that they come to Spain before your wedding, and then her mom could fly home and your friend could stay on for your weekend.

In talking to her about this, gently remind her of the situation at her own wedding. Something like: "Of course, this is a little different since it’s your mom and not your in-laws, but I think I’m feeling the same way you did. I really want to keep my wedding intimate and meaningful, which is why I invited you! I’m wondering if there’s a way that you and your mom can spend time in Spain either before or after my wedding. I won’t be able to include her, and I’ll feel bad knowing that I’m keeping you from her."

This is all off the top of my head – I’m sure someone else will be a lot more eloquent.

Post # 5
4 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

I read this because I have a similar situation.  I like Wiglet’s response, it sounds fair.  That way, you gently but firmly draw the line for her.  A destination wedding is a great opportunity to take a much-needed vacation, but it’s a little rude to ask the bride and groom to accommodate extra people they bring with them who weren’t personally invited (and whom they don’t know!).


Post # 6
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Does she know anyone else that will be there?  Honestly, I don’t really feel that it’s extremely rude if she’s not close with anyone else that’s going to be there.  There’s a difference between asking someone to mingle with people he/she doesn’t know for one evening and asking someone to spend a whole week or weekend (however long the trip will be) with people she/he doesn’t normally hang out with. 

If it were me though, I’d probably just find my own accomodations, so that I could bring whoever I want.  I wouldn’t expect for them to be invited to the wedding or wedding-related events, though.


ETA:  Just realized that this is 2yrs old, lol.

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