(Closed) My friend wants to bring my Ex to my wedding!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I will probably be the only one, but I say, let him come.

I think him seeing you physically get married will sever ALL romantic ties to you. Plus you’ll be able to show your visible love for your fiance in front of someone. I think it will solidify all your feelings for your new husband and make Giles jealous he gave you up, but (hopefully) mature enough to SEE for himself that it’s over. 

That is, if your Fiance is cool with it. Ask him and see what he thinks. If he’s a no go, then Giles is def. a no go. 

Post # 4
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I’m with MoSnow.  Of course both you and your FH need to be comfortable with it, but at this point he would just be a guest and you and your FH would be the center of all eyes.  Ultimately you won’t even notice him there.  I know cause on my wedding day I only had eyes for my husband.

Post # 5
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I have an ex like this, and I wouldn’t want him coming, regardless of how over it is and how over it I am. 

I’m a little conflicted as to what I’d do.  If your friend is starting a serious relationship with him and everything, it might not be fair of you to ask her not to bring him.  I’d tell her honestly how you feel about the ide aof having him there (and how weird it is that he think it’d be FUNNY to attend?) and leave it in her hands.  A great friend wouldn’t want to be a cause of any kind of discomfort.  But like MoSnow said, if he does come, maybe it’ll finally register with him, though it’s crazy that he still emails you after being with your Fiance for 6 years.  The guy sounds like kind of a nutcase, and I wouldn’t want him there just on those grounds.

Is it a smaller wedding where you’d really notice his presence or is it huge?  That could make a difference too.

Ick, that sucks though, I hope you find a solution you’re comfortable with.

Post # 6
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think you have every right to ask her not to bring him. I’m not one of those people who thinks all exes should never ever be allowed at a wedding, but someone with whom you have so much history…and such a tumultuous relationship…definitely no. The fact that you are thinking about it so much now and his behavior–you definitely don’t want to have that to think about at the wedding too! And it also sounds like he might use that opportunity to "misbehave" in some way.

Tell your coworker to bring someone else. She should definitely understand.

Post # 7
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

That really sucks!  I have an ex that I feel the same way about – I was actually dating him when I met my fiance.  I promptly broke it off with the ex and here we are 4 years later.  Anytime I had a bf, he kept trying to get back together with me throughout college and after college.

Ultimately its your wedding and it should be a happy day for you.  I wouldn’t want my ex there (although he hinted about wanting to come!).  I would ask her to talk with you and let her know how you feel about it.  It also depends on how serious they are.  If its just a fling, then I say no.  

Another thing to consider – if you haven’t sent out invites, don’t use "And guest" for her.  You can let her know the venue has a certain capacity and you are already there and can’t have extra guests in attendance.

Good Luck!

Post # 8
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hmmm…generally speaking I’d say that if you’re not upset by him coming then let it slide, it’s not "wrong" per se.  But the fact that he keeps asking her to bring him, that he brought it up several times, that gives me pause.  He sounds like he can be kind of out of touch with what is appropriate behavior.  And so it doesn’t seem, from what you wrote, like it’s out of the realm of possibility that he might make a mini-scene or at the very least say something inappropriate to you or your new husband (how exciting is getting to use that word?!!).  You don’t want to set yourself up for that…it’s your wedding, it’s the one day that I think you can minimize the possibility of discomfort and drama (within reason, of course).  Maybe he’s not so bad, but that’s how your post came across.  So I’d say to avoid any potential drama just tell her you understand why she wants to bring him, but you would rather she not.  If she’s asked, she probably already knows that you might be uncomfortable so I doubt she’d push the issue.  You could suggest she bring a friend instead, so she doesn’t have to be alone.

Post # 9
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sorry, but I think it’s insensitive of your friend to even suggest this in the first place.  Let her know you two dated for 3 years, and while he can meet up with her afterward somewhere, that you don’t wish him to be at your wedding.  I don’t consider that very nice of her btw.

My take and feel on this is that if you were truly ok with this happening, you wouldn’t even be here posting and asking our opinions.

Go with your gut feeling on this.

Btw..congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Post # 10
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

So, let me say, HE’S pushing for her to bring him? Obviously your friend thinks it’s a little weird, too. Maybe this Giles character KNOWS being there will ruin your day so it’s his way of putting a little dent in your plans?

Just talk to your friend. Tell her you think it’ll be weird if he comes to your wedding since you were together so long and you really aren’t comfortable with it and NEITHER IS YOUR FIANCE. There’s your fall back. 

I think it’s weird…I would never want an ex at my wedding, especially in your shoes. You are right, you don’t want to look over and see him looking at you. He sounds like a creeper anyways, sending you emails about "you know you want me" and stuff like that. Ick i hate that stuff. Your friend will understand…she’s already thought it was weird!

Post # 11
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

When I first saw this topic, my first reaction was "OOH! NO no and a thousand times no!" But once I thought about it, I realized that I will have two exes of my own at our wedding.  I didn’t even think about it becuase i don’t really think of them as former boyfriends anymore.  With both of them, we dated only for a short time many years ago.

So for me, that’s the line. If you still think of this guy as your ex (which it seems you do) than I wouldn’t want him there.  But if he’s a friend now who you happened to date in your past, then he should be as welcome as any other friend!

Post # 12
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

um, I wouldn’t let him come…it would be different if they were an established couple

Post # 13
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

i’d say no… it sounds like he has an idea that everything is all about him (the emails, the idea that it would be "funny"), and isn’t really in touch with what kind of behavior is appropriate and inappropriate.

maybe he’d behave himself and realize that you were off-limits and everything would be fine… but maybe not. it’s too risky and you sound uncomfortable and he’s being weird by pushing it with your friend… it’s not "funny" to go to your ex’s wedding. either you’re friends, and it’s normal and nice, or you’re not, and it’s inappropriate.

Post # 14
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My first instinct is no. There is too much history there. Plus it would probably make your fiance uncomfortable, even if he didn’t tell you.

Post # 15
174 posts
Blushing bee

Oh hell no!

Post # 16
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

No. Just NO.

I’m not sure what your rule is regarding guests bringing dates..but if this guy weren’t your ex and your friend wanted to bring her new bf (of a few weeks) would you let her? Also – I’m not sure how close you are with this girl, but she’s a co-worker so how close is she really to bring a guest?

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