(Closed) My friend wants to bring my Ex to my wedding!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I may have missed if someone else mentioned this, but what about the co-worker? It seems like he is just playing her to get to you and she either doesn’t realize it or doesn’t care. It’s unfortunate either way. Wouldn’t she rather bring someone who would be focused on being <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>her date and not being there to try to cause an awkward situation. You realized you could do better and found your Fiance, she needs to realize she can do better too. The best of luck to you!

Post # 33
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

No no no.  For all the reasons above, it is not okay for her to bring him.  I don’t care if you are over your ex or he is over you…whatever.  It’s your day and the fact that you feel uncomfortable with it is reason enough.

Post # 34
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Someone who thinks it would be funny to attend a wedding is someone who is planning to cause trouble.  You are totally within your rights to say you aren’t comfortable with him being there.

Post # 35
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee

I’m voting NO also. If you were still good (kind ) friends, then that would be okay but since it seems a "funny" thing to him then No.
I stayed good friends with a previous ex-fiance, but he passed away 3 years ago. I know he would have definitely been invited to our wedding because we were able to move into being friends and putting the past wayyyy behind us.
Generally, that’s hard to do, but if you have someone who respects you and your relationship with your Fiance, that’s great. Sadly, that doesn’t sound like what your ex is feeling.

Post # 36
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

i totally say no to him coming. i honestly think your friend/ co-worker is not so much of a friend even thinking of it.

how would your fiance feel if he knew? i tell you what, my fiance would be so mad and hurt. this is his day too… your wedding isn’t her time, it’s yours! i have an ex that way too and for me, i would not want him within a million miles of that church. not that i want him but what if a memory distracted you for a minute, thats not the day to face thos types of things…cause it would distract me for sure! just tell her it might upset your fiance and just tell her how you feel. i recent;y had a big problem with a friend of mine that had cheated & was going to be in the wedding and it was going to be hers and my fiance’s first time seeing eachother since the whole cheating thing happened.

i decided thats not the day for those type of emotions, distractions, stress, or feelings! theres a time and a place and it shouldn’t be a wedding day=/

i think it’s rude…i take that back…VERY rude for your friend to even tell him maybe. i know some might get upset with me and maybe i don’t know the whole story but…if it were me, i’d NEVER want to bring an ex of the brides with me to the wedding. what if he gets in some of the photos? when i have an ex, i want him in the past, not in my present or future…especially ones i’ve loved. your emotions and feelings are priority that day not hers or your exes. but, thats just my opinion.

Post # 37
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I say no…def no. It sounds like the only reason he is dating her is because he wants to come to the wedding. Why is he even talking to her about you. She shouldnt even be asking to bring him…Im sorry your in this mess. I think it would be rude if she did bring him…tell her to find another date.

Post # 38
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think you should leave it up to your co-worker. You can’t control everything that everyone will say and do at the wedding. Plus, it seems like your wedding would be more uncomfortable for your ex than vice versa. You’re the one getting married, he’s still single.

Post # 39
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m on the "NO!" side. I’ve always stuck to the superstition that it’s  bad luck for an ex to be at the wedding. Bottom line, I think it would be uncomfortable. I understand your need to respect your coworkers feelings but because she asked you your opinion, you have the right to say no.

Post # 40
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My vote is also for NO.  You really don’t want any emotional distractions on your wedding day.  I know how you feel.  I had a few ex-boyfriends who have remained good friends of mine, and we only invited one of them to my wedding.  I really didn’t date him for very long (nothing like your 3 years with Giles- we’re talking 4 months!) and who I have been friends with for 8 years since we dated.  He was a mutual friend of both my husband and me, and our whole "group" of friends was coming, which he’s a part of, so it was only right to invite him.  Also, I’d built so many new memories with him as just friends, rather than as my boyfriend. But the other ex’s, I felt like it would be a distraction and awkward situation.  

Also, this girl is a co-worker of yours, not a super close friend right?  Would you be heartbroken is SHE didn’t come to your wedding?  If you say he can’t come, she may decide to come without him, or she’ll decide to not come at all.  Either way, it seems like a better option than having him there, especially if you two aren’t super close.  I also agree with the other ladies that it’s weird and sketchy that he asked her to bring him.  If it were me, I’d put my foot down and say no!

Post # 41
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

I have a hard time with this and I would go towards the tell her no side. If she is truly a friend, she shouldn’t even think about bringing him to YOUR wedding.  I feel that if she has a hard time with it, then she shouldn’t come either.  It’s a harsh way to feel, but I am very sensitive when it comes to friends and especially if it’s their wedding day.  He really wants you to be as uncomfortable at your wedding as possible, and despite the fact that you don’t want him to feel like he has the upper hand, you want to enjoy your wedding. 

This girl truly doesn’t sound like she is that invested in your relationship to actually consider bringing this loser to your wedding.  He’s totally got her falling for his crap and he just wants to be a jerk and have her fall for his lines just to make both you and your fiance feel uncomfortable at your wedding.  Tell her no and if she has that much of a problem with it, tell her not to come either.  Good luck with your situation and just stand your ground. 

Post # 42
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think there’s no set rule for having an ex at your wedding and it really depends on the situation. With this one, though, I’d definitely say no, especially because of the kinds of jokes he’s been making and the fact that you had a long history with him.

My fiance and I both had exes that were considered inviting to the wedding (because they were mutual friends of ours and my fiance is still fairly close to my ex) . We decided not to invite either one, though. My reasoning was that, even though we were both definitely over them and there were no lingering feelings, it’s still awkward to be around them, and I had no desire to invite that kind of awkwardness to our wedding. It wouldn’t ruin the day for us, but I didn’t really want to have to deal with it.

So I’d say tell her no. I don’t think it’s rude for you to say it and a friend would understand your position.

Post # 43
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m gonna have to say NO! This guy sounds like a douche……believe me, my ex-fiance asked if he could come to my wedding and I just laughed. You spent 3 years with the guy, and it ended badly…….no reason for him to come. If this co-worker girl is really your friend she would understand. How would you feel if one of your fiance’s ex’s would come to your wedding? That’s just weird. It would be disrespectful to you and to your fiance. Good luck!

Post # 44
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would ask your fiancee how he feels about it.  My Fiance would NEVER allow something like this, so you could always say "No" and say that both you and your Fiance are uncomfortable with the idea.  This lessens the pressure on you.  If she’s unhappy with your answer, it becomes much harder for her to try and change your mind, since your Fiance will also be involved.  It will probably make it easier for you to say "No" as well if your Fiance backs you up.

Post # 45
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Absolutely not. You were not friends with him and his antics alone with asking constantly and the comments "would not that be funny?" makes it sound like he obviously has not matured and is up to something. Then you put alcohol into the mix…no no no. You do not need all that! This is your day and do not need any outside drama and I do think it was wrong that your co worker even asked, hell if I was the coworker I think I would be uncomfortable even dating the guy that dated someone I am close with..that to me has always been a no. But don’t do this to your day because you feel she deserves to be happy or that you are over it. It is YOUR day and your FH day alone. I know my FH would NOT be ok even in this situation. Don’t even let the possibility of something happening be given a chance by inviting him.

Post # 46
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

this Giles fella sounds like a real manipulator.  He has asked your coworker several times about attending the wedding – not typical behavior for a first date.  He sounds like he wants to meddle and that’s total BS. I know that by you getting married in his presence, it’ll totally make a point, but really – who cares what this guy thinks anyway? and your friend is a coworker, who in most people’s circumstances are the first to get cut if the guest list gets too long.  It’s not like she’s your first cousin that you grew up with, so it won’t be so bad telling her that your scummy ex can’t come.  Besides, she sounds like she’s just happy to be getting attention from a cute guy.  But the guy’s attention for her is centered around making you feel sh*tty.  Nip the whole thing in the bud!  It’ll be better for both you and your coworker.  Let us know how it went!

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