My friend who's a new bride is afraid to ask for help?

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
4810 posts
Honey bee

Typically, people offer to throw these parties.  It’s actually frowned upon for the bride to ask. 

Post # 3
598 posts
Busy bee

Hm I would be uncomfortable asking for someone to throw me a party. I just made sure not to expect anything, but my sweet sister (moh) and mom threw me a beautiful shower. 
Since you know she badly wants one, could you casually bring it up with a member of her family or bridesmaids?

Post # 4
7801 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

She shouldn’t ask anyone to plan parties for her. If you’re one of her closest friends and its important to you, why dont you offer?

Post # 5
3133 posts
Sugar bee

I’m going to guess that COVID may also be a factor here?  She may be reluctant to hint at wanting parties during a pandemic. (And as others have pointed out, traditionally its frozned upon in many cultures to plan your own shower or to ask others to throw one for you.)

Post # 6
3885 posts
Honey bee

Does anyone in your circle care that there is a pandemic going on?

Post # 9
293 posts
Helper bee

Though she shouldn’t be “scared,” she shouldn’t be asking anyone to throw her those parties anyway. Those are all lovely, optional additions to the engagement period that anyone (bridesmaid, parent, grandma, sibling, etc.) can offer to throw, but is not pertinent and shouldn’t be asked for. 

Are these all events that’ll be happening in the far future? Like mid- to late-2021?

Post # 10
3885 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@lynnctobe:  I asked because there are other posters here who don’t care and are having events. I wouldn’t plan anything until mid 2021. Even then there is a chance it would need to be postponed.

To your original question: She shouldn’t be asking for or planning her own shower or bachelorette. Hopefully someone will step up and will wait until it’s safe.

Post # 11
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Where I live, standard etiquette dictates that no adult asks anyone to host a party in their honor, especially a gift giving party like a shower. If someone wants to do so, they will volunteer.

You said she just got engaged last week. Why do you expect her to be doing anything yet?

I suggest you buy her a copy of Meg Keane’s wedding planner as an engagement gift.

Post # 13
1322 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

You say she’s already got bridesmaids? Are you one of them?

If so, get yourself a group chat with the others, and ask if any of them have shower/bachelorette ideas. You can make it known to them that you’re willing to help out long distance provided things are safer closer to the date. If none of the others are into it and you want to give it a go long-distance, there’s no reason why you can’t. I once planned a shower for a friend in another country and just flew in for the week. Aside from having to take a plane, it wasn’t any harder than doing it in person. 

If you’re not a bridesmaid, then just chill until closer to the time. Whoever she’s asked is fully aware that showers and bachelorette parties are things, and if they want to throw her one (and again, the pandemic is over by then), they will. 

Post # 14
564 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@lynnctobe:  Typically the Maid/Matron of Honor takes the lead on a bachelorette party, and I think usually the mother/MIL throws the shower. I didn’t have a shower but all of the ones I’ve been to have been hosted by one of the mothers, or both.

But, like others said, she can’t ask for these things to be done. 

If she just got engaged recently, I’d imagine they haven’t even set a date yet so starting to think about the party planning is really premature. I would assume once she starts planning and gets a date set the MOH/bridesmaids will start working on the bachelorette party (assuming it’s safe to plan a party by then). 

Post # 15
1471 posts
Bumble bee

Just start organizing it. “Hey friend, about your bachelorette. Is there something…” etc. We dont do showers where I am, but bachelorette is something that friends just organize without a request 

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