Post # 1
One of my closest long time friends just got engaged last week! YAY! We’re so excited for her and her FH. As one of her married friends, we’ve been talking a lot about potential showers, parties, etc. and I def hope she really enjoys all the engagement stuff because it’s supposed to be light and fun! Only problem is she’s too afraid to ask anyone to plan her a shower or party. Despite being super outgoing, she is not one to ask for help. She doesn’t feel comfortable asking her Future Mother-In-Law or FSILs or even some of her BMs to help plan a shower or bachelorette! Planning all that by herself will be soooo stressful and hard. How do I help her get over that fear and bring everyone into helping celebrate her and her FH?
Post # 2
Typically, people offer to throw these parties. It’s actually frowned upon for the bride to ask.
Post # 3
Hm I would be uncomfortable asking for someone to throw me a party. I just made sure not to expect anything, but my sweet sister (moh) and mom threw me a beautiful shower.
Since you know she badly wants one, could you casually bring it up with a member of her family or bridesmaids?
Post # 4
She shouldn’t ask anyone to plan parties for her. If you’re one of her closest friends and its important to you, why dont you offer?
Post # 5
I’m going to guess that COVID may also be a factor here? She may be reluctant to hint at wanting parties during a pandemic. (And as others have pointed out, traditionally its frozned upon in many cultures to plan your own shower or to ask others to throw one for you.)
Post # 6
Does anyone in your circle care that there is a pandemic going on?
Post # 7
I definitely plan to! But we live in separate states and mine is COVID heavy so I cant for a while. I hope she can get one in her homestate too!
Post # 8
Lol i thought it was without saying that wed wait till after things reopen.
Post # 9
Though she shouldn’t be “scared,” she shouldn’t be asking anyone to throw her those parties anyway. Those are all lovely, optional additions to the engagement period that anyone (bridesmaid, parent, grandma, sibling, etc.) can offer to throw, but is not pertinent and shouldn’t be asked for.
Are these all events that’ll be happening in the far future? Like mid- to late-2021?
Post # 10
I asked because there are other posters here who don’t care and are having events. I wouldn’t plan anything until mid 2021. Even then there is a chance it would need to be postponed.
To your original question: She shouldn’t be asking for or planning her own shower or bachelorette. Hopefully someone will step up and will wait until it’s safe.
Post # 11
Where I live, standard etiquette dictates that no adult asks anyone to host a party in their honor, especially a gift giving party like a shower. If someone wants to do so, they will volunteer.
You said she just got engaged last week. Why do you expect her to be doing anything yet?
I suggest you buy her a copy of Meg Keane’s wedding planner as an engagement gift.
Post # 12
Wow thank yall for the helpful answers! Idk if its just my friends and fam or Texas but I had no idea its so widely considered rude to ask a friend or family member to throw you a shower? Lots of people I know have done it and never blinked once! Good to know I guess, thanks for the input.
Post # 13
You say she’s already got bridesmaids? Are you one of them?
If so, get yourself a group chat with the others, and ask if any of them have shower/bachelorette ideas. You can make it known to them that you’re willing to help out long distance provided things are safer closer to the date. If none of the others are into it and you want to give it a go long-distance, there’s no reason why you can’t. I once planned a shower for a friend in another country and just flew in for the week. Aside from having to take a plane, it wasn’t any harder than doing it in person.
If you’re not a bridesmaid, then just chill until closer to the time. Whoever she’s asked is fully aware that showers and bachelorette parties are things, and if they want to throw her one (and again, the pandemic is over by then), they will.
Post # 14
Typically the Maid/Matron of Honor takes the lead on a bachelorette party, and I think usually the mother/MIL throws the shower. I didn’t have a shower but all of the ones I’ve been to have been hosted by one of the mothers, or both.
But, like others said, she can’t ask for these things to be done.
If she just got engaged recently, I’d imagine they haven’t even set a date yet so starting to think about the party planning is really premature. I would assume once she starts planning and gets a date set the MOH/bridesmaids will start working on the bachelorette party (assuming it’s safe to plan a party by then).
Post # 15
Just start organizing it. “Hey friend, about your bachelorette. Is there something…” etc. We dont do showers where I am, but bachelorette is something that friends just organize without a request