My friend who's a new bride is afraid to ask for help?

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
8457 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@lynnctobe:  “she’s too afraid to ask anyone to plan her a shower or party” — Nobody should ask anyone else to throw them a party. Hopefully loved ones will volunteer to throw one. If they don’t, I would much rather go without the party than ask someone “hey, will you throw a party where everyone oohs and ahhs over me and also bring me presents?” Actually, it would never even occur to me to ask someone. If she’s one of your closest friends and you are financially able, offer to throw one once it’s safe. Or get together with a few other friends and see if anyone wants to co-host with you. 

Post # 17
10654 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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Well l would think ( hope) that she is reluctant to ask because having parties is, you know, just about the most irresponsible thing a person could do right now. 

The etiquette angle is probably true too, l see it all the time here,  though bridal shower aren’t a thing where l live so l don’t know by experience . But be that as it may, saying that you thought it ‘went without saying ‘ that this is all envisioned for  when it’s safe seems disingenuous to me . If you had really meant that, you must know that we are probably talking a year away, so why would you be worried about organising it now ? 



Post # 18
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

I don’t think that it’s super rude to ask someone to throw a shower or party for you, especially if it’s pretty normal where you’re from. It’s just the attitude that you approach it with that matters. Nobody should ever go up to a friend and say “You need to throw me a party because I’m getting married.” But I don’t see anything wrong with saying to a close friend or member of the bridal party, “I’d really love to have a bridal shower, but nobody has offered yet to throw me one. Please don’t feel pressured, but would you consider being in charge of that? If it’s something you’re interested in, I would really appreciate your help with this!” 

If your friend is anxious about doing that, maybe you could offer to be the friend to throw the party, like others have suggested, or maybe you could talk to her about who she might consider asking and how she could do it in a polite way. Or maybe you could even do the asking for her! As long as you both ask respectfully and makes it clear that you won’t be upset if the other person says no, I say ask away

Also, I understood that you’re planning this for when it’s safe to have parties again, and I totally get it! I like to plan ahead too. My advice would be, once you (or whoever else is planning the party) start purchasing things, to focus on buying things you’ll need at any time you have the party, such as decorations and stuff, rather than booking a venue or location right away, since you don’t know when you’ll be able to use the space. Have fun!

Post # 19
13815 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It is very rude to ask. It’s a nice and generous thing to host, but showers are totally optional and voluntary pre-wedding events. That means if no one offers, you don’t get one and the world goes on. 

It’s also rude and wrong for anyone to impose on others, for example a maid of honor assuming that the other bridesmaids are co-hosting, or billing them outright. By the way, any friend or friend of the family can host, including you. 

It is quite tacky and unacceptable to throw a shower in one’s own honor, so she won’t need to be overwhelmed. 

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