(Closed) My Friend's BF is hitting on me, sending me pics and messages…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
964 posts
Busy bee


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lookingforadvice77:  Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t *blaming the victim* and using that is like pulling the race card.

OP keeps saying she *blocked him after the second time* but in her first post she said he’d been making inappropriate and flirty comments quite often. The ones she felt were disrespectful, she would say so (or say *something*, which is pretty vague) and the comments that were *complimentary* she would just ignore and not say anything. He sends her a dick pic and the next day, she tells him she just got out of the shower. Because she is just oh so naive and gullible. And honest. Which is interesting because I’m betting she doesn’t respond to that inquiry from other people with an honest *just had sex* or *just gave Fiance a blow job* or *just finished having a big poo*.

I’ve been harassed and I can tell you that it is not fun. I can also tell you that I never once told a harasser that I just got out of the shower. Because DUH.

I can almost gaurantee this guy is going to make sure all your interactions come out. He’s going to *let it slip* to your friend or *let it slip* to her Fiance. Somehow, someway, everyone is going to find out and when they do, you’re going to look just as shady as Perv. Why? Because you didn’t shut him down immediately. Because after he sends you a dick pic you tell him about how you’re wet and naked. Because you kept it all a secret. And then deleted everything.

And if your Fiance is so incredibly volatile and potentially explosive that you have to keep little things like this from him, that is hugely concerning. Does he really have so little self-control?? How are you not worried aboout some random person causing him to explode? He sounds like a dangerous ticking time bomb.

Post # 77
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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interchangeable: Could she have shut this down earlier? Sure. Was “just got out of the shower” the wisest thing to text a predatory dude? Of course not. Should we criticize her for not shutting this down earlier, when she is dealing with being harrassed by her friend’s bf? Absolutely not. That, to me, is like criticizing a kid for sneaking an extra cookie after his mom punched him for it. Was it wrong to sneak an extra cookie? I suppose. But it doesn’t mean that the kid is responsible for his mom’s abuse, nor does it mean that the crime warranted the punishment. This dude would have harrassed the OP whether or not she had texted that (indeed, he had already harrassed her) BECAUSE HE’S A PREDATORY ASSHOLE. Not because she texted him “just got out of the shower” after explicitly telling him to back off. Her momentary lapse in judgment does not explain or justify the guy’s harrassment. It just doesn’t. 

Also, re your statement that “Somehow, someway, everyone is going to find out and when they do, you’re going to look just as shady as Perv”: If people around the OP judge her without getting to know her side of the story, or don’t make an effort to hear her out, then maybe they’re doing a favor by removing themselves from her life.

That said, I agree with you 100% about the FI’s volatility. That seems like a major red flag to me. Nobody should have to avoid telling their Fiance something for fear that he “won’t be able to control himself.” That’s not a healthy way to live. 

Post # 81
1384 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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Silly_love:  Yeah there’s still so much to get used to with all of these new features! But I’ll admit to being lazy and skipping over comments! You are making the right choice. When you and Fiance have a baby, you’ll want quality people in his/her life and you won’t have time for inappropriate behavior from men. It’s not acceptable and you did the right thing by blocking him. Sometimes friendships expire and peple just change. I think moving forward in a positive direction is in your best interest. 🙂

Post # 82
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Silly_love:  uhh tell you Fiance for sure, don’t hide things like this. 

Post # 83
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I haven’t had time to read through all the comments but IMO you need to do the following in this order. 

1.) tell him he’s being innapropriate and your engaged and he’s making you feel uncofortable and exactly what you said if your Fiance found out he would kill him and not to mention prob have some trust issues with you. How does your Fiance know nothing’s going on btw you too. If I saw a sex pic on mY DHs phone even if he didn’t have anythjng to do with it and the girl was being the perv i wplus be pissed off at him for allowing this contact to happen. What’s the point in keeping this guy around? He’s a pervert and trouble. Your relationship wiTh Fiance should be more important to you than being “friends” with this jerk 

2.) after you’ve told him how you feel, block him from FB and text. 

3.) tell your friend the truth



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