My "Friends" don't like my husband.. What should I do?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

stephaniee24 :  Is he your boyfriend or your husband? You referred to him as both. I’m confused.

Post # 33
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Sounds to me like you need to take time to mend the friendship between your friends an you. It seems to me like they’re using him as an excuse because they felt rejected. 

I really hope you stand up for him when they say bad things, because if you don’t they’re going to continue to push you around. 

Talk to your friends about why they think/act the way they do. And truly listen to them, don’t dismiss it immedietly as being petty (even though that might be it). Try to see where they’re coming from. It could possibly be that when you’re around them they only hear the bad parts of your relationship too. 

Post # 34
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

Ironically it’s your so-called friends who are trying to control you. They refused to see the reasonableness of you setting Tuesdays aside for him back when you were dating, because your schedules severely limited your time with each other and Tuesdays worked for you and your partner. Reasonable, mature friends would simply make plans with you on any other night (as you were willing to do), not sulk resentfully and make it into a competition. Worse, they’re trying to piss on your parade and hurt your relationship, whether it’s because they want you all to themselves again or because they’re jealous cows. But telling you bullshit that’s not true, but is meant to cause trouble btw you and husband (you’d better believe if that instagram stuff ever existed, they would have kept the proof and shown it to you with a smug told you so) and saying immature messed up shit like when you have sex with him you’re having sex with his ex (ffs)…..you’ve clearly outgrown these friends and frankly they sound more like frenemies you can’t trust than actual friends. 

It may take awhile to make friends in your new area….joining something is one way- a sports team or yoga class or reading club (ask the local library if they know of any) or perhaps you’ll meet other young moms through events of your step-child’s. In the meantime, you have a nice little family and home-based hobbies you enjoy, and gradually you’ll meet new people and add new friends. Don’t allow this temporary lack of friends in a new area to be a reason to cling to toxic friendships with people you’ve outgrown. 

Post # 36
Member
2484 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I agree with almost all of the PP that is sounds like your friends are just immature and not really worth having. And it sounds like you are in a healthy relationship with your husband and you two are happy. I just wanted to add a story because I thought it would help.

One of my best friends from high school also got married young. She was 19. Most of my close friends thought that was crazy because we were in college and just starting moving out of our parent’s homes and supporting ourselves. However, we supported her because it’s what she wanted and it made them happy. However, a lot of her friends thought this was totally crazy and just tried fishing for reasons for them to break up or why her husband wasn’t for her. And honestly, I think most of those girls were jealous. To me, it sounds like there’s a high likelihood that your friends are just jealous of your relationship.

Post # 37
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

stephaniee24 :  Are you guys married? Because you mention, Husband and then refer to him as your boyfriend?

 

Honestly, I’m nearly speechless because this is so abnormal. Normally, I would say to maybe listen to your friends because often times they see things that you can’t. But your friends seem awful catty. I wouldn’t waste my time. I’d tell them that you can’t continue your friendship any longer, because your boyfriend/husband (whoever he is??) is an important part in your life and you have no room for unwarranted toxicity. 

Post # 38
Member
3838 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

If this was a simple case of good friends disliking your husband then yes, I would find out the issue and try to fix it by explaining whatever misconceptions they had, making sure to only say positive things about your husband to them, and organising outings where they can all get to know each other better.

But… they lied about your husband sending messages and make bizarre comments about your sex life? I would be wondering if maintaining the friendship was really worth the effort, especially as your interests seem to have become very different. You could probably just let it drift off to a natural death.

If you do want to try and address things then your plan of bringing it up at a natural point in the conversation is best, since if you just ask them out of the blue it could seem confrontational and become dramatic. There’s no harm in asking when it comes up though, either you’ll be able to clear things up or you’ll know if they’re just being immature.

Also your husband sounds like a sweetheart the way he is encouraging you to work things out even though they don’t like him 🙂

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