Post # 16
Plus he was extremely drunk and I know people can say things they don’t mean when they’re that far gone.
I’m gonna disagree on that. When people are that drunk, my experience is that they say things that have an element of truth in it.
It sounds like husband has a drinking problem. His behavior is inappropriate and NOT ok at all. I’m surprised your Fiance is not more upset…this guy physically touches you TWICE and hits on you with both or either Fiance or his wife nearby. What if you two had been in a place that was more secluded? I get the sense that his touching could escalate quickly or he could become an angry drunk.
I would tell wife that you love being friends with them but now husband has put you in a very uncomfortable position TWICE and so you’ll have to limit your interactions with them to social events without drinking.
She’s lucky to have a friend as nice as you have been about the whole thing…guys have punched others for less.
Post # 17
anon94: So he’s sexy assualted you, twice… and you still want to be friends with him?
Post # 18
anon94: I also find it a little strange how your Fiance is reacting. I am not saying he needs to run over and punch him in the face or anything. but….something. I personally would not want you hanging out with them if i was your Fiance and would probably bring it up to him and say “hey i know you were drunk, but it needs to stop and we are going to have trouble if it happens again”
If your Fiance doesnt want to talk to him. I would send him a message when he is sober. I think you should tell your friend as well, but it sounds like she kind of knows he does stuff like this and isnt too sure what to do with him. I would probably stop hanging out with them all together.
You dont need to feel like that. ever.
Post # 19
Girl…..husband would have only one chance to grab my ass before my husband would be all over his ass. I think you need to discuss this with wife and husband when he is sober. This is not acceptable behavior and I would hate for it to escalate into something worse .
Post # 20
Speck_: Robyn0214: All of these!
I’ve known too many girls whom were sexually assaulted from a partner or close friend on drugs. What would have happened if you were outside alone the second time out of reach from anyone? Don’t take anymore chances. If your Fiance can’t feel the weight of these situations then you have big red flags at home too.
Post # 21
theatrejulia: I have a really hard time calling it quits on our friendship. We (FI and I) really like Wife and we get along great. I don’t think it’s necessairly fair to stop hanging out with her because her Husbands actions are out of line.
soymilk: I agree that drugs and drinking are not an excuse, I just wonder if he knows that he does it? The only reason why I say that is because when he slept with Friend A, he said he had no idea what happened. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it makes me wonder if he remembers these interactions he keeps having with me.
Boxerlover24: I think I will call him out if it happens again. I know that what he did is wrong, I just was so surprised by it both times that I honestly felt like a deer in the headlights and had no idea what to do in the moment. I am a little annoyed my Fiance is not more upset with what happened. If I were to descrive my Fiance it would be the peacekeeper and not confrontational at all. I can definitely tell you he is unhappy with what happened, so he’s not completely indifferent. He just doesn’t have a “rage reaction” if that makes any sense.
almostaudrey: I agree on having the talk with my Fiance. He’s truly a supportive person and I was surprised both times by how calm he was when I told him.
beebee1983: My Fiance is one of those people where when he is upset, he doesn’t outwardly show it Which makes me think on the inside he’s probably fuming but on the outside he presents himself as calm. I also don’t think he wants to rock the boat at all and he’s very much a person who tries to be the peacekeeper. He definitely cares about how I’m feeling, so please don’t take it differently. I will definitely be having a talk with him about it though. I don’t think he meant to be so dismissive in his reaction but it came across to me that way
Post # 22
His behavior is inappropiate but you should react by telling him to stop and that his advances are unwanted. The fact that you just walk away without saying a thing could be sending him the wrong message. Especially since his judgement is already blurred by intoxication.
If I were you I would probably limit the time I spend with this couple.
Post # 23
If you don’t want to ruin the relationship, I would just confront Husband when he’s sober and take him to an area where his Wife will not hear. If things don’t change, then I would stop being social with them. Confronting him alone will allow you to handle the issue but keep the friend-relationship in tact. Telling his wife may cause a void in things.
Or, if you were like me, a swift karate-chop to the throat should get the point across. But I’m also very immature and have a hard time using my words in moments like that.
Post # 24
anon94: Regardless, he is making a choice to drink and do drugs past his limit. He knows he is doing things that he cannot recall after the fact and he knows those things are not okay. But he still drinks/does drugs to put himself in those situations.
Nothing about drugs or drinking changes your desires to do something…it only takes away your hesitation/filters to risk doing it.
Post # 25
anon94: If someone grabbed my ass he’d be on the ground because my husband put him there. So far he’s getting away with it because you are letting him. Definitely call him out on it. Tell the wife. He gets to keep doing it because no one seems to care. If he was called out in front of his wife and friends I bet that would curb it. I second not hanging out anymore. Who wants to get fondled by a drunk, high, married guy?? Gross. Plenty of people unfriend a couple because one of them is a douchebag. So yes, Wife would be a casualty.
Post # 26
I would tell wife and distance myself from the other couple all together.
No need to be part of this.
Yiur husband really isn’t offering any good advice.
Post # 27
BTW- if he already cheated on her and is making drunken passes at you it is highly likely he is do so to his wife’s other friends as well. If you do not want to stop bing friends then be a friend and let her know what is going on behind her back
Post # 28
anon94: It doesn’t matter if he remembers it or not, or if he feels bad, or if he can’t help it, or whatever. If he punched you while blackout drunk his inability to remember it wouldn’t make your jaw less broken or your retina less detached.
I’m sure Wife is an awesome person but if she and a predator are a package deal, then it’s a bad deal. She might be sad that her friendship with you guys is on the fritz but this isn’t about her or being “fair” to her. This is about her partner being a predatory piece of shit, and if hanging out with her means enabling him and giving him access to you then you can’t hang out with her. He has to be held accountable for his treatment of you, and there has to be social repercussions for his actions. There should not be a “next time”, period. You’re not punishing her–you’re keeping yourself safe.
Post # 29
Lady, he is sexually harrassing you and getting away with it! The next time he gets anywhere near your ass, I’d be screaming “stop! get away from me! don’t touch me there!” loud enough for everyone to hear. I don’t buy the “blackout drunk” thing for a hot second, there’s a reason he does this stuff when you’re alone with him without his wife or your fiance present.
And I am super weirded out that your fiance is ok with someone else touching his partner in a sexual way. I’m not saying he needs to go beat this dude up, but to just shrug it off like nothing happened… super weird.
Post # 30
topeonyornottopeony: I’ll be totally honest to say that it never even occured to me that things could escalate from this point with him. That definitely puts things into perspective for me. I took it seriously when he grabbed me the first few times, but this makes me think about it in a whole new perspective.
And please believe me, my fiancé was very unhappy. I think he was trying to remain calm and listen to what I was saying and he was trying to help me process and think through what happened but I’m pretty sure on the inside he was probably fuming. I know he wasn’t indifferent and he definitely cared about what I was saying. He had told me that if we hang out with them from this point on, that he will make sure there isn’t a chance for the Husband and I to be alone.