(Closed) My friends husband makes me uncomfortable sometimes. What would you do?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

 

Plus he was extremely drunk and I know people can say things they don’t mean when they’re that far gone.

 

I’m gonna disagree on that. When people are that drunk, my experience is that they say things that have an element of truth in it.

It sounds like husband has a drinking problem. His behavior is inappropriate and NOT ok at all. I’m surprised your Fiance is not more upset…this guy physically touches you TWICE and hits on you with both or either Fiance or his wife nearby. What if you two had been in a place that was more secluded? I get the sense that his touching could escalate quickly or he could become an angry drunk.

I would tell wife that you love being friends with them but now husband has put you in a very uncomfortable position TWICE and so you’ll have to limit your interactions with them to social events without drinking.

She’s lucky to have a friend as nice as you have been about the whole thing…guys have punched others for less.

Post # 17
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

anon94:  So he’s sexy assualted you, twice… and you still want to be friends with him?

Post # 18
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

anon94:  I also find it a little strange how your Fiance is reacting. I am not saying he needs to run over and punch him in the face or anything. but….something. I personally would not want you hanging out with them if i was your Fiance and would probably bring it up to him and say “hey i know you were drunk, but it needs to stop and we are going to have trouble if it happens again”

If your Fiance doesnt want to talk to him. I would send him a message when he is sober. I think you should tell your friend as well, but it sounds like she kind of knows he does stuff like this and isnt too sure what to do with him. I would probably stop hanging out with them all together. 

You dont need to feel like that. ever. 

Post # 19
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Girl…..husband would have only one chance to grab my ass before my husband would be all over his ass. I think you need to discuss this with wife and husband when he is sober. This is not acceptable behavior and I would hate for it to escalate into something worse .

Post # 20
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

 

Speck_: Robyn0214:  All of these!

 

I’ve known too many girls whom were sexually assaulted from a partner or close friend on drugs. What would have happened if you were outside alone the second time out of reach from anyone? Don’t take anymore chances. If your Fiance can’t feel the weight of these situations then you have big red flags at home too.

Post # 22
Member
5025 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

His behavior is inappropiate but you should react by telling him to stop and that his advances are unwanted. The fact that you just walk away without saying a thing could be sending him the wrong message.  Especially since his judgement is already blurred by intoxication.

If I were you I would probably limit the time I spend with this couple.

Post # 23
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If you don’t want to ruin the relationship, I would just confront Husband when he’s sober and take him to an area where his Wife will not hear. If things don’t change, then I would stop being social with them. Confronting him alone will allow you to handle the issue but keep the friend-relationship in tact. Telling his wife may cause a void in things.

Or, if you were like me, a swift karate-chop to the throat should get the point across. But I’m also very immature and have a hard time using my words in moments like that.

Post # 24
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

anon94:  Regardless, he is making a choice to drink and do drugs past his limit. He knows he is doing things that he cannot recall after the fact and he knows those things are not okay. But he still drinks/does drugs to put himself in those situations.

Nothing about drugs or drinking changes your desires to do something…it only takes away your hesitation/filters to risk doing it.

Post # 25
Member
5948 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

anon94:  If someone grabbed my ass he’d be on the ground because my husband put him there. So far he’s getting away with it because you are letting him. Definitely call him out on it. Tell the wife. He gets to keep doing it because no one seems to care. If he was called out in front of his wife and friends I bet that would curb it. I second not hanging out anymore. Who wants to get fondled by a drunk, high, married guy?? Gross. Plenty of people unfriend a couple because one of them is a douchebag. So yes, Wife would be a casualty.

Post # 26
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

I would tell wife and distance myself from the other couple all together. 

No need to be part of this. 

Yiur husband really isn’t offering any good advice. 

Post # 27
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

BTW- if he already cheated on her and is making drunken passes at you it is highly likely he is do so to his wife’s other friends as well. If you do not want to stop bing friends then be a friend and let her know what is going on behind her back

Post # 28
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

anon94:  It doesn’t matter if he remembers it or not, or if he feels bad, or if he can’t help it, or whatever. If he punched you while blackout drunk his inability to remember it wouldn’t make your jaw less broken or your retina less detached. 

I’m sure Wife is an awesome person but if she and a predator are a package deal, then it’s a bad deal. She might be sad that her friendship with you guys is on the fritz but this isn’t about her or being “fair” to her. This is about her partner being a predatory piece of shit, and if hanging out with her means enabling him and giving him access to you then you can’t hang out with her. He has to be held accountable for his treatment of you, and there has to be social repercussions for his actions. There should not be a “next time”, period. You’re not punishing her–you’re keeping yourself safe. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Speck_.
Post # 29
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Lady, he is sexually harrassing you and getting away with it! The next time he gets anywhere near your ass, I’d be screaming “stop! get away from me! don’t touch me there!” loud enough for everyone to hear. I don’t buy the “blackout drunk” thing for a hot second, there’s a reason he does this stuff when you’re alone with him without his wife or your fiance present. 

And I am super weirded out that your fiance is ok with someone else touching his partner in a sexual way. I’m not saying he needs to go beat this dude up, but to just shrug it off like nothing happened… super weird.  

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