My friendship ended- should I delete her from my social media?

posted 5 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4053 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think the boss was the pathological liar here. Delete her from everything.  

Post # 3
Member
3043 posts
Sugar bee

is102017 :  

I was all ready with the “people have lives and your wedding isn’t a priority” speech, but this seems very odd.

Maybe her boss was messing with her schedule, but it doesnt explain cancellng on you so many times and being misleading about attending. But honestly, if she was that good of a friend i would try to hear her out before cutting her out completely, but thats just me.

I would send a message saying you arent sure whats going on but if she is going through something or needs time to let you know. You are hurt at the way things played out and seems she doesnt want to see you (based off of last 3 times) and see what she has to say.

But if youre ready to cut, then go ahead. You have given her chances to meet and smooth things over. 

Post # 4
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

is102017 :  I had two of my best friends have a huge falling out and the relationship basically puttered out in a similar way. The two of them just stopped responding to each others messages and just ignored each other.

I think this was really difficult for both of them, because there seems to be no closure in the situation. It almost seems as if the ‘fight’ they had(/are having?) is still going on because they never really sat down and decided not to be friends anymore. and if you asked either of them if they are still friends, they both would just kind of shrug, not sure what to say, because neither of them really know if they are or not.

I wouldn’t simply delete or block her on social media. Honestly, ending friendships I feel should be the same as ending a relationship. You sit down with the person and say listen; this is how things are, this is how I feel, and this is why I really do not think we should continue this relationship (being friends).

In your situation I understand that may be difficult because she always seems to cancel plans and yet still continues to message you. I would probably respond to her message, (even better if she is trying to meet up) and just say that you are not interested in making plans with her because the last few times you tried to, she would cancel on your last minute. That your feelings have been hurt by her behavior and how she seems to just cast your plans to the side (and whatever other feelings you have about the relationship). That, while you don’t have any hate or animosity towards her, you really do not feel as though you have a friendship anymore and it’s time to cut ties.

Once you had the chance to express your feelings, then I would unfriend, block or whatever else you feel like doing.

Post # 5
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I don’t think deleting her from social media (like your family suggests) is any worse than totally ignoring her. Both approaches are avoiding confrontation, so if that’s how you want to handle it, I would just delete her. Personally, because I too would feel bad about just ghosting her, even though she’s clearly the one with a lying problem, I would be tempted to reply and say “Hi so & so, I’m not interested in meeting up and I’m sorry to say I can no longer put my energy into this friendship. I wish you all the best, take care.” then block & delete. 

In all fairness, at this point, you really don’t owe this girl anything. You asked for common decency from your best friend and she couldn’t even give you that. I’m so sorry, it’s really hard when friendships end!

Post # 6
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

is102017 :  I find it highly unlikely that her boss was the one behind these travel lies…your friends a liar, and a bad one at that. 

I’d delete her on social media and block her so I didn’t get her messages anymore.

Post # 7
Member
731 posts
Busy bee

is102017 :  

Sadly, I had to cut off a close friend just before New Year because he had become a compulsive liar. He seemed to think that just because his lies did not have a direct bearing on me (but definitely affected me indirectly) that I should make no bones about it. He failed to see that a close friendship based on mutual trust and respect is fundamentally damaged when one person continually lies to the other person and doesn’t value the friendship enough to be honest.

How I dealt with it was by sending him a concise and to the point text message telling him that I felt I could not be friends with him at this time and explaining my reasons. I didn’t get emotional, and I clarified a few things that he asked me but I kept the conversation brief and matter of fact.

If you feel badly, I recommend doing the same with your friend. You have every right to end the friendship, and it sounds like it’s the right decision for you, but personally I’d sleep better at night if I at least told the friend where I stood and why. You never know, it might spark change for her, and at least then she will know why you don’t respond to her messages and will probably stop contacting you.

Post # 8
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

is102017 :  Send her a message or text. 

Charliejeorge : ‘s message is great, “Hi so & so, I’m not interested in meeting up and I’m sorry to say I can no longer put my energy into this friendship. I wish you all the best, take care.”  

Then delete and block her everywhere. Life is too short to be hassled by someone like that. She knows what she did, she on top of that stood you up 3 times. It just isn’t worth it. 

If you don’t want to have to tell her the friendship is over just quietly block her on social media and your phone. Who cares what your family or other people think. You have every right to drop the rope with this girl and block her. 

 

Post # 9
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee

 You’ve posted this before. It is obviously weighing on your mind.

Flakiness:

Some people are flakes.

Some people are disorganised.

Some people are broke and too embarassed to say.

Some people are frightened of making decisions.

Some people bail when a better offer comes along.

Some people never intend on coming along but find it difficult to say no.

Some people lie to protect themselves.

Some people are in crisis.

I suggest you ring up and have an honest conversation with your friend. Be clear that your time is as valuable as hers and that you don’t appreciate having multiple plans cancelled. Ask her if anything is wrong.

Of course she might start to lie again and you might have to ensure that you aren’t manipulated but part of being a good friend is checking that she’s okay, especially if the behaviour isn’t really typical of her. 

If all this is part of a pattern you might want to reassess the friendship, in which case you need to explain why you aren’t prepared to put up with bad behaviour from friends and that you wish to end the friendship.

Either way, you have to take the risk that the conversation may be very uncomfortable. But I think it is more honest than saying nothing.

Post # 10
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

It’s also possible to block her on messenger without blocking her on facebook. I have several pyramid scheme FB friends whom I’ve blocked from being able to message me. 

Post # 11
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I wouldn’t block her or ignore her without explaining why first. 

Post # 12
Member
1971 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You don’t just avoid these things. You have a conversation with them and tell them why. Just blocking them is very childish. 

I believe there’s more to her story too. Again maybe she couldn’t afford it and couldn’t tell you. Maybe she has social anxiety and couldnt tell you.

I do think you owe her an explanation.  

Post # 13
Member
1536 posts
Bumble bee

Since she was such a close friend, I would first send her a concise message telling her that you are no longer interested in the friendship for obvious reasons and that you wish her all the best. Then I would block her everywhere and let it be. 

Tbh, she could have apologized and offered ample explanation 10x over by this point, so to me it sounds like she just likes to keep the drama going for whatever reason.

Post # 14
Member
12126 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

“my friends/family tell me it will be immature of me to delete her from my social media”

It’s rude and a lot more immature to just ignore her messages. I am no fan of destination weddings and think the expense and time commitment potentially opens you up to last minute cancellations that may not have happened otherwise. I might have been willing to give her the benefit of the doubt about her so called work conflict, even one that did not happen last minute. 

But unless there is a very good explanation, cancelling on you three times since then, in combination with her actions related to the wedding, just paints a picture of a very self centered and unreliable friend, or one with issues.

You certainly don’t have to continue the friendship. But I would not ghost her. Just wish her well and say you think it’s better at this time to go your separate ways.

Post # 15
Member
6169 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I agree with those saying that you should say something to her before just blocking her. I do not think you need to have a whole conversation with her, but a clear message saying you are no longer available for this friendship due to her unreliability and her patterns of the last several months and wishing her well like CharlieJorge’s message stated is the bare minimum you should do.

I would block her as soon as I sent the message, though, because, like I said, I don’t think this merits a whole back and forth dialogue about what’s going on with her (unless you were trying to maintain the relationship). It’s like when you’re on the phone with a toxic person and you warn them “Okay. I’m hanging up now.” and then you do exactly that.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors