- 2 months ago
I’ve posted about this a few times as new things have developed, so sorry if you’ve read this before. Essentially, I can recognize (at an emotional level) that my friendship with the person who was my best friend for many years has definitely ended. However, even though I no longer reply, she keeps messaging me via Facebook messenger and I don’t know if I should keep ignoring her or just delete her from my social medial entirely. I keep thinking that she’ll get the hint that I no longer wish to have contact with her, but every few weeks she messages me. I’m at a loss because 1) I really do not want to “confront” her about anything- I just want to not even think about it, 2) my friends/family tell me it will be immature of me to delete her from my social media, and 3) while people tell me to just keep ignoring her, I genuinely feel bad about it.
So what happened? Well, when I started to plan my wedding back in 2017, I told my best friend and that I was considering a “destination” wedding in NYC (we live in CA), and she told me that “she’d never miss my wedding, wherever in the world I decided to have it.” Fast forward a few months, I grew uneasy that even though she had agreed to be a bridesmaid, she suddenly was unavailable for things (dress shopping, wedding planning, etc.). When she failed to RSVP, I decided to ask her if everything was OK, and she begins a series of excuses (and lies) about reasons why she still didn’t know if she’d be able to make it. At some point, I told her that if she couldn’t go, that was okay. That I just needed an answer so that I could plan accordingly. However, she kept making me believe there was still a chance she would, so I kept including her in plans (including makeup, hair, and flowers). Unfortunately, about two weeks before my wedding, she tells me her boss is sending her to Florida for a couple months and that she can’t take any time off. That then changed to Virginia and then it changed again to Los Angeles. In the end, she didn’t travel anywhere and still didn’t make it to my wedding. After the wedding, she told me she discovered her boss was a compulsive/pathological liar who kept telling her that she’d have to travel, make her pack, only to cancel everything the very day she was supposed to fly. At that point, I was so overwhelmed and confused by her change of stories that I just told her I understood and thanked her for trying so hard to make it to my wedding.
As time passed by, my husband encouraged me to try to repair the friendship and try to make amends with her because it’s never good on oneself to hold on to such feelings. So, after her sending me messages saying she wanted to see me, I finally agreed to go out. Two hours before we were supposed to hang out, she cancelled. I agreed to reschedule, and again, with only a few hours of notice, she cancels on me a second time. Again, I agreed to reschedule only to have her cancel on me a THIRD time (also with only a couple of hours’ notice). That’s when I stopped replying to her messages. However, every few weeks, he sends me another one even though I keep ignoring her. The last one she sent to me a few days ago.
What would you do in this situation?