My friendship ended- should I delete her from my social media?

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

is102017 :  I recently had a 15 year friendship end.  It’s a long story, I’m a little in the wrong, she’s very in the wrong.   Tried to fix it for about 18 months but in the end it was too broken. 

I recently deleted her from social media and honestly, even though she turned it around on me to our mutual friends, I don’t really care.  It feels like out of sight, out of mind.  The constant reminders hurt too much. 

When a relationship ends, people advise to go no contact and delete them from social media.  I say the same about a long term friendship. 

Post # 17
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

I honestly feel like there’s something more here going on with her personally, could she have developed anxiety, ptsd or similar and be too ashamed to discuss it? Idk at my lowest points I have done similar things to people in terms of being extremely flakey however it was due to a genuine inability to follow through on the plan at the last minute, even though I still had a deep love for the people I was letting down. Idk you have to do what you can handle but maybe don’t rule out where something comes from.

Post # 18
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Las Vegas, NV

As PP’s have mentioned, another chance to reach out and try to reconcile is a good idea. It sounds like her job is pretty stressful – regardless of what her boss is like, and whether that is a cause of her being really flaky – She may just cancel again at which point, I would cut it off. People know what they are doing. Being concious of (not the same as caring about) how others perceive you is something i think every person has dealt with and can easily recognize. If she were concious of it, would she do her absolute very best to explain whatever it is she’s going through to help you understand? I think so. I’m not sure why she wouldn’t, and I can’t believe she has let it go on this long. If you can definitely feel it, she most certainly can too. You clearly care and have cared about her from the “tone” (can anyone else hear it?) of your post. For y’all to be friends for a very long time would mean mutual understanding and care, among other good things. For her to let it go by the wayside doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. 

Post # 19
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I’d talk to her. 

Sometimes people are in very abusive relationships and hiding it. Sometimes people are struggling badly with eating disorders, and afraid to go somewhere where there might be food. 

Sometimes people are struggling with depression or other mental illness, and they mean to get somewhere but can’t. 

Sometimes people are going through massive stuff they can’t talk about. 

This reminds me of one of my closest friends who spiraled deeply into alcoholism, and none of us knew. 

And sometimes people are just assholes. 

You don’t have to be codependent , but with a “best friend,” I’d be honest. Take the high road. Tell her you’re having a hard time understanding, feeling hurt by her no-shows, and then tell her you want to see her and talk honestly. And try to assume the best until such time as she tells you her own story. 

And maybe just leave her a path back, if you truly just need to walk away. And tell her. That you’re hurt and you’re taking space, and that if she wants to make an effort you’ll be there for her. 

Ghosting someone who was a best friend isn’t really the most evolved choice. Be the bigger person. 

Post # 20
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Hmm…could there be a reason for her flakiness? Absuive boyfriend? Extremely bad finanical situtation she doesnt want anyone to know about? Taking care of a sick family member? Depression? Anxiety? Dieting? (Honestly I limit contact with friends when I’m trying to lose weight for something)

I guess the main way to tell is… does she hang out with other friends? If she seems to have no problem getting together with other friends but just can’t seem to hang out with you then I’d say message her back and say “sorry you’ve been flaky with me for too long, I can’t continue this friendship” and maybe if you really don’t want her knowing about your life, delete her off social media.

IF it’s possible that she is being flaky for a reason, like the ones I mentioned above, then I wouldn’t delete her because maybe your friendship can change for the better in the future. In that case message her “Your flakiness has really hurt my feelings.” and see what she says. If you don’t like what she has to say then you don’t need to answer again. 

Post # 22
Member
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i wouldnt block her, id just ignore her, and move on, if she reaches out to you through facebook a few times then fine. 

Post # 23
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

is102017 :  social media is the biggest lie … my friend’s life looked amazing on facebook, when in reality she was in jail for a DUI. 

i understand the desire to cut ties and move on – I myself wouldn’t go to any more effort, but I also wouldn’t block her- and I’d leave a path back to friendship, which leaves the effort up to her. 

Post # 24
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

If my best friend cancelled plans on me three times, they would know I was pissed. Especially if I questioned their sincerity around missing my wedding. Here’s the thing, if you tell her exactly how you’re feeling and that you are done with the relationship, then she won’t be surprised when you remove her from all your social media.

Maybe she’ll even shock you and give you a good reason as to why she’s been acting like such a flake!

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