Post # 1
Looking for some sound advice. My fiance and I have been together for 7 years and are getting married this upcoming fall. I love his mother, but sometimes she calls me by his ex girlfriend’s name (she is still a family friend, but they have not dated in over 15 years since they were in high school). My fiance has corrected her numerous times and discussed this issue with her, but she says she is 69 years old and blames it on the names being similar. For example, we’ll say my name is Emma and the ex is Emily. Even recently at a shower that the ex was throwing for another mutual family friend, she introduced me to people as the wrong name. She has done this from time to time since we first met 7 years ago.
Overall this really bothers me, and with the wedding coming up and anticipating being introduced to a lot of new people, her giving a speech, etc. I’m really concerned about this happening again. So, do I talk to her, ask my fiance to say something, or just deal with it?
Post # 2
Sounds like his mom is experiencing Alzheimer’s and early onset dementia. Have they seen a doctor about this?
If it just her memory going, I would be patient and just correct her everytime she messes up. Like if she’s introducing you to people at the wedding, and says this Emily. Correct her, and say Emma.
If she’s being a bitch and doing it on purpose.. I don’t know. Distance yourself?
Post # 3
It doesn’t even have to be Alzheimers. People get mixed up. When I was a kid, my mom kind of merged my name and my sisters’ names and called us all one big random kluge of a name just because she kept getting turned around in her head. I get mixed up and call my current dog by my former dog’s name. It just happens. If the rest of your relationship is ok then just let it slide off your back.
Post # 4
sounds innocent actually. My mom does this constantly but she has a brain injury.
Post # 5
I can’t imagine her doing this on purpose, and memory issues can be very touchy. I say to just deal with it, but talk to your FH about it in the sense that it may be an issue that should be acknowledged and monitored. I’ve got a similar name to my FH’s ex, and my SIL slips up sometimes, so sometimes it just happens. Just correct her gently and let it go.
Post # 6
My Future Mother-In-Law does the same thing only with one of her friends (not his ex). Her name is Tamy and mine is Kamy. But she seriously does it on purpose!!! It’s just so she can tell us all about Tamy and it’s so annoying bc Tamy isn’t even cool. When she does this, one of us always corrects her.
I would say I hope that it is alzhiemers and she not just being a bitch but oh man they should take her to get checked out bc I would not wish alzhiemers on anyone. If it turns out she’s doing it on purpose, I would not allow her to make a speech and make sure to have your names on everything at the wedding.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2015 - Rustic barn/ pavilion
It’s better than having the mother of the man you’ve lived with for 4 years introduce you to people as “his friend”. If she’s not doing it on purpose then just correct your name:
Mom: “This is my son’s fiance Emily”
You: “Hi nice to meet you, call me Emma”
My Mom calls me by my daughter’s name LOL
Post # 8
If you have similar names and they are still in contact, I think it’s an innocent mistake. My mom used to confuse my name with my DOGS name when I was younger! She’d call “ChrissyMary, come!” and I’d walk into the kitchen and she’d say “Oh.. I meant to say Casey (dog)”. Or she’d try to get my attention and call me Casey.
If my own mother can call her child by the dogs name. I wouldn’t worry too much about a future in law occassionally mixing up similar names of two women who both dated her son.
And no, my mother had no brain injury, mental disability, or onset or any Alzheimer’s or Dimentia. Her mouth just moved faster than her brain I guess
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! I don’t think it is alzheimer’s as there have been no other signs/symptoms, and she only does it with my name. And she’s only interacted with the ex maybe 3 times in the past 5 years, so she is not a family friend that is around or talked about often. His brother is married, and this is not an issue. I don’t think it would be as bad if it were not his ex. And I’m just dreading her making a speech at the wedding and saying the wrong name.
Post # 10
It’s just an honest mistake. It happens to everyone, especially as we get older. It’s likely not Alzheimer’s for goodness sakes. Please don’t worry about it and enjoy your wedding. She’s not doing it on purpose. I used to call my stepdaughter by my dog’s name. No Alzheimers here. Yet.
Post # 11
If I were you, I’d politely correct her. Maybe she could give you a nickname to make it easier? My Future Mother-In-Law & I have nicknames for each other, but she’s not old—it’s adoration. My family members call me Nicole; I’m not sure if they believe my actual name is short for something or not but I still correct them after 24 years & it’s tiring. I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t doing this on purpose.
Post # 12
This has nothing to do with the thread, really, but when we were little, my mom would always just shout out random names (including the dog’s) until she hit the right one. haha.
OP, like others have said, if her memory is slipping, just try to have grace. If it’s intentional, then a talk might be in order.
Post # 13
My Mother-In-Law has called me by some random similar name too, I dont even think it was anyone DH dated before (that I know of at least). She knows my name, she slips up sometimes, no biggy imo.
Post # 14
Oh no! Awful for you and awful for her! I doubt she is doing it to rile you or because she really wishes you were her. This is something I could totally see myself doing and wanting to die. Once you get someone’s name wring it’s fatal. The fact she will be thinking “don’t get it wrong, don’t get it wrong probably ties her in knots.
Must be ghastly for you but try to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I should put my hand up here to occasionally referring to my fiancé in the 3rd person using my ex-husband’s name. Horrific I know! This is 12 years after we split. Fortunately he is secure and doesn’t come for me with a rolling pin but he has never done it the other way around. My ex is an idiot so there there is no subconscious desire to turn the clock back I assure you.
Post # 15
Oh dear I have always done that too. Always bad when the correct child’s name comes third after the dog!