Post # 1
So I come from a family where the parents are super involved. We’re not even technically engaged yet, but plans are already underway for the engagement party/ceremony! And even the wedding. While I am literally not picky about what I wear or where it is or who shows up, the only thing I really showed interest in was the engagement ring.
When my BF asked for my ring size “for his mom to pick something out”, I was sure he had something up his sleeve! It turned out he didn’t. His mom got me a massive gawdy ring with a mix of gold and silver packed with large badly cut diamonds in an unusual 3D flower. When she sent it to the BF in an email, he sent it right to me. Even he agreed that it was hideous. I told him that this ring actually had value to me, and I was really hoping it would be something that he would pick out with the help of my sister or girl friends. Or someone who is in line with this century. I had even sent him pictures of things I liked. Instead he just decided to let her know that she can exchange it. Since she doesn’t live in the same city, she has just done all of this shopping by herself.
A part of me feels bad for being so materialistic, but what if I hate this second ring as well? Obviously my Future MIL isn’t a woman of great taste. Though I wouldn’t even care if she bought me a tacky wedding dress ( I think she already has )! All I wanted was a nice ring 🙁
Post # 3
@sarah_martina: I’m really unsure of why his mom picked it out?? And why he let her?? Tell him that it is HIS job!!!! It’s crazy that his mom is picking it out. Please post a picture!!!!!!!
I would just show him exactly what you want, if I were in your shoes I would not be happy!! I’m a little picky about these things.
Post # 4
this happened to my friend and she hated the ring? her now husband ended up showing her the ring he was going to get and she loved it. incidentally the ring his mother picked and he bought looked just like her wedding ring….she tried to upstage the bride at every turn including by another dress once she saw the brides and bridesmaids dresses and getting a shawl made that looked like the brides veil….and she and her husband had a “first dance ” at the wedding :/ long story short, he knows you so he should pick the ring on his own
Post # 5
Tell him you want to marry him, not his mother. I love my in-laws, but there’s a time and a place.
Post # 6
+1 to what everyone said.
Tell him to man up and do his job – pick out the ring for YOU!
Post # 7
This would be kinda red flag-ish to me. If he’s letting her pick out the engagement ring, what else is he going to let her pick out? Everything on your registry? Your honeymoon? Your house? Your kids’ names?
Post # 8
It seems so weird to me that he is letting his mom pick out your ring. To me, that is something either the two of you should decide on or he should pick out on his own.
Post # 9
Would really like to see the ring!
I would be upset if he didn’t pick out the ring or didn’t even buy what you showed him you liked … if not the exact ring then something at least close enough! GEESH! Some boys are clueless.
Post # 10
I agree with the others. Major red flags coming up left and right for not only a horrendous MIL, but maybe a momma’s boy too? She should not be picking your ring. If you already know FI is planning on buying you a ring, why not pick it out together so you get something you like?
Give some MIL an inch and she will take a mile. My ex tried to keep his mother in line (she had some psych issues and wouldn’t admit to it) but every other week there was some other treat from the nearest Goodwill in the house, or she would swing by to weed my flower beds and pull up everything I had planted.
Inevitably, it was a great thing we never got married. Two years of putting up with her was enough.
I hope that’s not the way you feel about your future MIL, but might be time for your FI to man up and cut the apron strings and make a decision this large on his own.
Post # 11
@mepayne: +1 This is one of the most bizarre things I have ever heard!!!! You are marrying HIM, not his mother. Beyond strange, and in my opinion, not okay at all! Please talk with him about this.
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
Oh, wow, never heard of this happening…that sounds extremely odd, and yes, sounds like FH is a momma’s boy, sorry! The engagement ring is for you to wear forever and is a symbol of the love you share between the two of you. If he is surprising you with a ring, he should take the care to pay attention to your tastes, not leave it up to his mom to pick it out. My FH & I looked at rings together to see what I liked (although I really had no idea that a proposal was on the horizon; I thought we were just goofing off). I would tell him that you appreciate his respect in his mom selecting the ring, but that you would really like to pick out the ring with him. Maybe she is paying for it and has told him that that is the reason she is picking it out? In that case, I would tell him a simple but beautiful ring would suffice because at the end of the day, the sentiment of the ring is what counts, as long as its from him, not mom.
Post # 13
its not being materialistic….to me the ring is a symbol and when your fiance picks out the engagement ring, its perfect because he thought about you WHEN he picked it out…. Now I am sure your fiance probably thinks that a woman’s point of view is better than his but damn a mother? how about one of your friends? or a relative to you who knows what you like? She is choosing what she thinks you should like…This is something for you and him not the entire family. I would have a talk about this before this blows up further. I know you like simple and don’t care if she chooses out a tacky dress, etc., this is a day for you and your significant other and YOU and him should be choosing things out, not the entire family!
Kinda crazy though that you aren’t even engaged and they are choosing this stuff out…luckily you are relaxed slightly about this, any other person that would freak them out…
Post # 14
Yuck. Why did she pick it out instead of him? And if he hated it, why did he give it to you? He needs to say “mom, I appreciate your help, but I’d like to go the traditional route and pick out her ring myself.”
Post # 15
Honestly, this wouldn’t be ok with me. It seems your FMIL doesn’t know your style and is just picking random rings. I understand being unique, but you would think she would go a little safer with her choice at least. I know how you feel though. My FMIL tried to “help” pick out my ring, but my FI cut her off because she was more concerned about what she thought was nice more than what I might have liked. 😐 I would talk with him and ask him if there is a way he can take some of the ideas you have shown him and come up with a ring himself. If you have sent him examples, he should be able to pick SOMETHING. I mean, if he can’t do this himself, what else is he going to want others to do for him?
Post # 16
To be honest you need to tell him NO. You will not accept a ring that his mother picked out and you are very hurt that he would even be okay with that. What does he say when you talk to him about it?? Why can’t he just shop by himself. And why doesn’t he tell mommy dearest to back off?? You need to draw the line right away before his mom continues stepping into your lives in the future. And, before he allows it to happen. Nip it!