(Closed) My future mother in law bought 156 wedding favors I hate…

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yup, I wouldn’t worry about hurting her feelings.  Even if she weren’t what sounds like a terrible, crazy person, I think it is really unfair for people to just make decisions about a wedding that is not their own and then make the bride/groom the “bad guy” by having to say no. It’s emotional blackmail.


Anyway, I would probably just do your own favors and not even address hers.  Unless you think she would literally take it upon herself to put them out before your reception.  Where is your Fiance in all of this?

Your Future Mother-In-Law should also be left out of all future wedding details.  You’ve kind of made things worse for yourself by letting her know who all your vendors were.  The second she went behind your back and contacted a vendor should have meant she was left in the dark about any other vendor. 

Post # 4
19 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

@pitaya28:  WOW! imagine how controling she is going to be when you have kids! Does your Fiance know about everything his mother is doing to you? I hate to say it but you need to stop having her help and completely cut her out of your life at least until the wedding is over. There are plenty of people who dont get along with their in-laws and have them seperate from their lives its obviously not a senerio they like but it happens. Honestly she is obviously doing this for control and to stop the wedding.. is this her only child? For now I say talk to your Fiance about this so he understands why you need to cut her out of your life and then see what happens after the wedding. Once the wedding is over she’ll pretty much realize that your in control now and if she wants any part of her grandchildrens life she should probably be nice to you or at least get to know you.

Post # 5
779 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No way, don’t hand out that crap on your beautiful wedding day!!

Politely tell her that already have the gifts covered and don’t need her gifts. WHEN she throws her fit, also kindly let her know that she should be grateful she’s even invited to your wedding at this point.

Then hang up the phone. Don’t let her personality issues push you around or ruin your event.

Post # 6
1224 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@pitaya28:  Yeah forget her feelings, she is crazy. You have already gone above and beyond to  include her and make her feel involved. Do what you WANT. Sorry about the literally insane in laws…

Post # 7
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@pitaya28:  Um, no way. She sounds bat shit crazy.


But what you need to do is say thank you and take them. Do NOT say you’ll use them, just say thank you. And then hide them. I have a feeling if you tell her no that she’ll just end up bringing them and sneaking them out anyway.

Post # 8
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Give them to your reception site, and have them hide them until after the reception is over so she can’t go behind your back and have them put those out instead of your (wonderful) chocolate favors!

Post # 9
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would have my fiance talk to her. It is his mom and his problem. He needs to stand up for you and tell her to back off.

Post # 10
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@BrandNewBride:  I was just thinking tHe same thing, but she will probably put them out anyways. I’d leave them at home…in a safe do she doesn’t harass the staff at the venue.

Post # 12
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@pitaya28:  First of all- once she started being purposely hurtful, you no longer had to worry about hurting HER feelings. Second- let your Fiance deal with his own mother. Hide the favors (since you KNOW she won’t/can’t take them back) and when she asks about them, tell her to ask her son. End. You don’t have to deal with her. 

Post # 13
8486 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@pitaya28:  Are your in-laws hosting the rehearsal dinner? If so, let her use the favors for that. She’ll have leftovers but that’s her problem. This will allow her to use her favors and feel involved, but since they are the hosts, the favors will not reflect back on you. Have your fiance suggest this idea to her, and I would approach it as if he would really like to have the favors for the rehearsal, rather than that you think they’re too gaudy for the wedding.

Post # 14
3479 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Yikes. Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like a wackadoodle. Hopefully she will improve after the wedding. After reading all the insane, manipulative stuff she’s done (pretended to be YOUR MOM?) I would NOT feel bad at all about not using her cheesy favor idea.

I think your mom should say something to her about her pretending she was your mom. Absurd.

Post # 15
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You think she has a personality disorder.  Because of this her actions do not give you free reign to treat her badly.  I think you’re fiance should speak to the rest of the family and they need to coordinate efforts to help her.  She will be a part of your life in some form or fashion as long as she lives.  Don’t start off on the wrong foot. 

Post # 16
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Why isn’t your Fiance stepping u[ and running interference on all this?

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