(Closed) My future mother in law bought 156 wedding favors I hate…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@Daisy_Mae:  +1

maybe let her give them out at the rehearsal, I know how this can be a sticky situation but you have to remember at YOUR WEDDING, EVERYONE who isn’t you, your fiancee, and the officiant is a GUEST regardless of relationship, and you wouldn’t let another guest try to do this so why should you let her? Stand up for yourself, be firm, no thank you, these don’t fit with our theme and we already have favors (like I told you before your bought these), maybe use them as decorations/favors at the shower but really nothing else, if my Future Mother-In-Law did this (and we have a great relationship luckily) I would just tell her that we already had favors but use them somewhere else if she kept pushing it

Post # 18
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

My first question in all of this is what is your Fiance saying and doing about all of this?  Has he seen the texts? Does he know she tried to impersonate your mother?

If she has mental health issues this isn’t a case of setting mom straight and hoping she flies right.  If she is mentally unstable she CAN’T fly right.  She needs treatment and help.

If she was in full control of her faculties I’d say you had a textbook evil Future Mother-In-Law, but you don’t.  You have a mentally ill Future Mother-In-Law.

That doesn’t mean she can just say all those things and do all of those things and you have to roll over, but it does mean she needs help.  It also means you have to change your vision of her a bit.  She is afraid of losing her son, she is mentally unstable, and this is her reality.  

Can you fill us in on how your Fiance is handling this?  At this point, I am sure you have told all of your vendors not to speak to her or give her any information.

Post # 19
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

can you give them out at the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner, or maybe put on a table out of the way at your rception area, so they are there, but not in plain sight?

Post # 20
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I would honestly just tell her flat out we were not using them.

Post # 21
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

I would take them and “forget” them the day of. You are going to have a lifetime of trouble with a mentally ill Mother-In-Law (if she doesn’t get help), and it’s high time your fiance started handling everything with her, and I do mean everything, primarily by shutting her down and telling her it is NOT HER BUSINESS (any of it).

If your fiance or his family are “that’s just the way she is” types, then tell them, “I’m not dealing with her. That’s just the way I am.”

Post # 22
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can’t you compromise and attach them someway to the box.container you’re placing your edible favours in? By hurting you Future Mother-In-Law feelings, you’ll be starting everything off on the wrong foot. 

Post # 23
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

If you two got along in the past, I would suggest giving her favours along with the edible favour you planned on to keep the peace, but explaining your feelings on the faovurs. However, since you two don’t seem to have a positive relationship, I say you shouldn’t feel REQUIRED to use them at all.

IF you wanted to try extending an olive branch, I would go with my first opinion, but be firm on her involvement from this point forward. Also, maybe warning any vendors you haven’t booked yet about her would be a good idea, just to be safe.

Post # 24
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can’t help but laugh. This is something i can totally see my Future Mother-In-Law doing. So, I can in a sense sympathize with you. And all I can do is laugh to keep from crying. (Laugh with you not at you)

 

I’m sort of evil. I’d ask her to drop them off at my house and then just straight up throw them away.   Or, if she insists on taking them directly to your venue (which, my Future Mother-In-Law would do) I would tip some busboy to “accidently” throw them away instead of putting them on the tables. haha 

 

on a side note: ask your Fiance for a little help here. I finally had to tell mine to tell his mother to chill out. 

Post # 25
Member
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@sarg88:  +100

Also, stop involving her in wedding planning. If she’s not privy to any info, she can’t interfere.

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