Post # 1
So I know brides can do whatever they want, and that not all people choose to follow etiquette. I just need to rant.
I lived with this girl in the dorms first year of Undergrad, and then lived in a condo with her in 2nd year. We did a lot of extra-curricular activities together. Anyway – we got engaged in 4th year undergrad around the same time. Her wedding 3 days after Christmas. We’re very different, she’s a very religious Catholic – and I’m an atheist Jewish (convert) lesbian. Very different.
We planned many parties when we were living together and she was always the “queen” of etiquette. Very concerned about what people think.
Just got the invitation yesterday. It’s just addressed to me, and no mention of my fiancee. And then the wedding invitation (which was printed on coated paper with a laser printer, so half of it was rubbed off anyway) had their damn registry info on it. Ugh that really bothers me.
I can’t make it to the wedding due to it being on a random Wednesday and 3 days after Christmas, and she didn’t even invite my fiancee, but because she’s essentially a friend, I need to get a gift.
It’s just insulting and the registry thing makes me so upset!
/ end rant.
Post # 3
Buy her the worthless item no one ends up using…
Post # 4
Send a card congratulating her? Include a picture of you and your fiancee?
Post # 5
I agree, card only. I’d be sure to write on there “Sorry (fiancee) and I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you.”
Post # 6
@jjmomma: Lol i just looked up the registry last night and there isn’t any cheap items. They are all pretty pricey choices – a very traditional registry with bone china and expensive towels and Le Cruset pieces…. since they don’t live together now, and all.
I may just end up sending a card, because even though I plan to invite her to mine, she probably won’t come due to her Catholicism, and she would probably not give me a gift anyway, because she works a religious job and gets paid nothing essentially.
I know that sounds terrible, not getting her a gift because she won’t get me one. I am the etiquette pot calling the kettle black! lol.
Post # 7
@seven12: I like that idea!
Do not feel bound to get her a gift – if she purports to be an etiquette queen, then she knew full well that what she did was a giant breach and insanely rude! Sorry you have to deal with that dear 🙁
Post # 8
@sarahbabs: Yeah, I think she knows what she did was shitty too. Their whole wedding is so thrown together, I felt so bad about their invitations – they were printed with a laser printer on coated paper, so it didn’t soak into the paper, and half of the stuff just rubbed off. I know invitations aren’t everything, but I couldn’t even read the registry number, I had to look it up via their names, since the number was rubbed off so bad.
I guess I’ll just rsvp “no” closer to their date, and RSVP as my fiancee and I can’t make it.
As of now, I’m planning on getting them a card and writing it from both of us too, haha.
Being friends with people like me is good for her, and I’m not going to let her make me feel “less than”.
Post # 9
You could gift her an etiquette book with passages highlighted…
No, just get her a card from both of you and be done with it. A Wednesday three days after Christmas?? Methinks someone is going to have a “premature” Catholic baby…
Post # 10
Call it. “Is there and oversight or error, because the way I see things now, I’m really hurt. Why would you invite me to celebrate your marriage and not even acknowledge that I’m engaged as well?” If she doesn’t freak out in embarrassment at an honest and awful error, I wouldn’t even send a card. No one needs people in their life that don’t respect their family, IMO.
Post # 11
I would definitely send a card and take the higher road. Just because she isn’t being the greatest human being doesn’t mean you have to lower your self-worth (not saying you are, just trying to prevent it).
My “safe” gift for weddings is an 8 x 10 picture frame. If the registry is a bit steep or if there isn’t one I always go for that option. I always choose something classic and wedding-y but not too wedding-y. Last time I did this I found a nice Lenox one for $20. Just something to consider.
Post # 12
@MASPA: I guess I wouldn’t see sending a card to someone who would not recognize my marriage as taking the high road. That would mean that I was permitting my spouse (FI in this case) to be disrespected to keep someone else comfortable.
Post # 13
i would send her something liike pot holders that dont match her kitchen lol.
Post # 14
@jacinda10: I don’t know the sitch but
1. Does she know that you are in a relationship/engaged? If you have fallen out of touch, then why would she have invited. EDIT: It seems as though she should know. I definitely would talk to her and ask what one of the PPs suggested. If she is uncomfy w you being there because of your sexuality, now you know and you can dismiss her from your life.
2. Not completely directed at you, but this thread seems to border on Catholic bashing. I would implore you to be mindful of your tone.
3. Yeh, she’s not up on her etiquette. Womp. I never feel inclined to get someone a gift if I don’t attend the wedding btw. If I do, I do. If I don’t I don’t care.
Post # 15
Jokes aside, did she intentionally leave your fiance off the invite? I mean, if she knows your engaged, then she’d have to know you’d attend together. Maybe there’s an oops here that wasn’t a slight?
Post # 16
Are other SO’s invited? Maybe her guest rule is married or no plus 1s. Maybe its not intentional.
And some people on here say that they always receive registry info with their invites. Maybe its common in her circle of friends?
I would probably try to think about the above quesetions before jumping to the conclusion that your fiance isnt invited because shes a girl. If she had such a problem with homosexuality, why are you invited?
Just another perspective. You may already know the answers to these though.