(Closed) My girlfriend's FWB when we startred dating

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 213
Member
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

[comment moderated for baiting]

Post # 214
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

[content moderated for baiting]

 

Post # 216
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@lolot:  You may be right. Either way, I’m out. This is weirding me out. 

Post # 217
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@JustCluedIn:  Really? Freud? C’mon man, I expect more of you. Tsk tsk. Who takes Freud seriously anymore? No one.

ETA: Also, if we’re gonna talk Freud, the id should not be in control otherwise it is bad for the person. The point of the ego is to balance the id and superego. It seeks to appease the id in ways that benefit the individual and are good in the long term.

 

Post # 218
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@JustCluedIn:  Your update on her reaction to your inquiries on the FWB guys totally confirms that she was being shady.

I agree that the type of girl who wants to take it slow before jumping into bed is also usually the type who wouldn’t engage in a FWB relationship (ok I’m referring to myself here).  This doesn’t mean that girls who do FWB aren’t nice, they just have their own levels of comfort, sexuality, etc. I’ve dated multiple guys before but I’d settle down for one before sex came into play. I think once you’re in the situation where you can sleep with more than one person, you need to be honest about it. Like hey, before we do this, I wanted to let you know that I have been sleeping with someone but if we’re going to get serious, then I will stop seeing him. Now that is where your girl went wrong. Yes she was free to do whatever if the exclusivity issue wasn’t put on the table. But she should have come clean when it came time to be intimate together. Plus sex with more than one partner can increase exposure to Save-The-Date Cards, etc.

Anyway, the deeper implication here is that if this girl doesn’t share your values on certain relationship items, then she’s not right for you anyway. Don’t stoop to her level and continue to see her but as a FWB without her knowledge, especially since you know for a fact that she’s expecting to move in together and all. Break things off and save your time (and Outback steaks) for another girl.

Post # 219
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@JustCluedIn: Id only “needs quenching” if you subscribe to Fruedian ideology. Myself, I prefer to implement a bit of transcendental idealism and employ the lofty (perhaps unatainable) standard of the categorical imperative to my behavior:

Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law. -I. Kant

 Under no circumstance would I will that man-children behaving like asses to people that have hurt their feelings become universal law, sorry bro.

Post # 220
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

[comment moderated for baiting]

Post # 221
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

well suck me sideways…

Post # 222
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@JustCluedIn:  I would be pissed too if I was in your situation. Apparently, she wasn’t very upfront — no matter if the relationship was explicitly exclusive or not!

While it may not be fair to perceive this girl’s character with your first post, she most likely would fall back on her FWB if things didn’t work out between you two. Have you ever asked her the open question of “What do you like in a guy?”

If what she likes is a complete different picture of who you are, then you’re probably saving yourself time & effort. She kinda sounds like a girl I used to know; the type who isn’t really into having serious relationships. It’s actually quite a thin line of a modern type of “feminism”; a mask for female chauvinism. So, she might go ‘feminist’ on you if you confronted her. Whatever her reactions are though wouldn’t really matter. Your sanity and happiness should come first.

If I wasn’t being upfront, my Fiance would tell me ALL about it. Trust and honesty is everything, regardless of how early/new/old the relationship is.

Post # 224
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper

I didn’t see this until now and after skimming the thread, I’m 100% in agreement with iarebridezilla! I cannot believe most of these responses…

Post # 225
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 226
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Hmm, this is tough.

Fiance and I never had a talk on being ‘exclusive’. He said “Will you be my girlfriend?” and I said “Yes”, then we were exclusive. We were also 15 and 18 at the time, so maybe dating multiple people at once is normal once you are older?

If in your experience it IS normal to date multiple people at once (you know your social group’s norms better than anyone here) then you’ve got nothing to be mad about. It was before you were exclusive, if you were under the impression you were exclusive the whole time, I can clearly understand why you’re hurt.

What I would do would be ask her “Hey, when were we exclusive?”. If she answers “We’ve always been exclusive”, she’s a cheater and IMO you should leave. If she says something like “Well, I guess we became exclusive when ….” then I’d say this is a case of unclear expectations and I can still see why you’re hurt, but I don’t think you can really call her a cheater.

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