(Closed) My girlfriend's FWB when we startred dating

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 227
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Oh, I see you’ve already discussed this with her!

I’m not sure if you were being serious, but logically you going and having FWB relationships right now is the exact same as what she did to you, and a lot of posters thought it was just fine when she did it. Perspective around here seems to change A LOT depending on your gender. You STILL haven’t had the exclusivity talk, and if you’ve never had it I’d say you either have been or haven’t been this whole time. It’s definitely not the high road, but logically it works, and I’m more of an eye for an eye person anyway. 

Also, in your reply when you mentioned his name, it really sounded like she was about to lie to you. That makes me believe she knew what she was doing was wrong.

Post # 229
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I had a long post written out but this is the important bit…

For the future, if you desire to only date girls who are only dating or having sex with YOU, make that clear ON THE FIRST DATE. As in, “hey, I know this is just our first date, but I’m really not comfortable dating around or having FWB while getting to know someone, so can we just agree right now that we’ll only be seeing each other?” I know it seems a little awkward, but better to throw it out there right away than end up in this situation later. Put ALL your dealbreakers in the first two dates so they don’t sneak up on you later.

(For full disclosure, both my husband and I had FWB relationships up until the exclusivity talk – at least several dates after we started sleeping together. Neither of us found out about them until after we got engaged. Relationship is still healthy and happy many years later. And totally exclusive.)

Post # 230
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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@iarebridezilla:  your post was hilarious and I quite agree

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@LoveBugBee:  this made me LOL so hard!! I’m finding a way to post this somewhere else. Somehow, someway, it will be done!

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@BlondeMissMolly:  +1

Post # 231
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If I were single and had someone who I had occasional, casual sex with, and then started dating someone else… If I was “taking it slow” with that new person the way your gf is with you, then No, I wouldn’t stop sleeping with my casual friend.  Why?  Why would I break off a good thing with him when I have no idea how things are going to go with you? 

However, once the new relationship reached the point of intimacy, I would most definitely stop sleeping with the other person. 

 

I find it a little strange that your goal here was to find good arguments to counter whatever she has to say when you confront her.  So…. the plan is to break up with her regardless?  Get a few good digs in and make her really feel bad?  Seems pretty immature…

You’re getting the female perspective from posters here, but I think it’s a pretty common perspective.

Post # 232
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee

dump dat ass

Post # 233
Member
2531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@stardustintheeyes:  I was just looking for a yes or no, so thank you. Im glad to see that the situation in your mind does not change if it were a man or woman who had the FWB. 

Post # 234
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

I think she reacted in a way that shows she knows what she did was not okay. So whether the majority of relationships require an exclusivity talk, what ever, doesn’t really matter. Seems like she apparently would agree they were boyfriend/girlfriend and she slept around and/or was at least aware that OP thought they were boyfriend/girlfriend and chose not to tell him she intended to continue sleeping around, otherwise why would she be at all flustered and lie about how well she knows the guy(s)?

If she felt the same way as the majority in this thread, she would be defending herself the way so many people here did, or at the very least not understand why he’s bothered by her actions. Instead, based on OP’s description of her in his update, she reacted like someone who knows they’ve been deceptive.

Post # 235
Member
2653 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@iarebridezilla:  +1

I really do hope it is a joke!! You only focused on the ones who slammed you (which people often do!) and not on the ones who defended/agreed withyour feelings!

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@JustCluedIn:  

Post # 236
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

 

 

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@JustCluedIn:  27? Haha wow well I would not have guessed that. 6 months is nothing, so I can see why you aren’t that invested on talking it out, she must not be worth it. Actually I am kinda surprised you are acting the way you are..you invested yourself too fast bro. 

Post # 237
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

It is funny, most people would say that I am a ‘nice’ girl. But with my current relationship (7 years), I slept with him on the first date. I am currently 30, and he is the only the second person I have slept with. I met him when I was 23, and hadn’t had any since I was 20, so needless to say, I was pretty needly. We meet previously at a party and arranged a date. We went to a movie, than lunch, and then home to my place to watch a video- Mr and Mrs Smith. It is a steamy movie, by the end we could bearly contain ourselves. This was a Saturday, we emerge from the bedroom/his house on Tuesday. To be honest, I didn’t expect to see him again because I slept with him too soon. A girl has needs too, just like guys- we are not that different!

Post # 238
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@FromA2B2013:  no it would be the same. No double standard here 🙂

Post # 239
Member
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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@JustCluedIn:  the phrase “I actually indulged her when she wasn’t ready for intimacy” is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever read. It’s not indulging someone to refrain from sex when they say they don’t want to have sex with you for any reason. Ick. 

Like I get that you’re trying to be funny and facetious but still, c’mon dude. 

Post # 240
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Personally, I hope he comes back with an update.

 

Post # 241
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Yes, please post an update.  Really, she’s 30?  Well, then she certainly needs to grow up and fly right if she wants any hope of a serious relationship / marriage.  Call me old fashioned, but you should not be sleeping with another when you are dating someone who you even think is worth the long term. 

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