(Closed) My girlfriend's FWB when we startred dating

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 242
Member
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Jellybones:  +1.  It really bothers me that dude doesn’t seem to understand that these kinds of statements are super creepy and awful.

Post # 243
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

PLOT TWIST: The new girlfriend signs onto Weddingbee and reads all of this

Post # 244
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@JustCluedIn:  Maybe she did know him. she just did not know you that well and wanted to get to know you.

We are in such diffrent times, women do have partners just like men. Men do this kind of thing all the time. Why is it so diffrent when a women does it? 

 Maybe she has been hanging with this friend for a long time, and it is just that a friend with bennifits. 

 

Post # 246
Member
3225 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@ArizonaGirl: Insert FRIENDS reference, “He doesn’t know that I know he knows I know.” She goes back to sleeping around as well for revenge and they spend the next 20 years in a spiteful psuedo relationship where one is always trying to “get back” at the other.

 

Post # 248
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

@JustCluedIn:  Seriously, neither of you seem emotionally mature enough to be in an actual honest-to-goodness relationship. You both seem prone to major drama, so I doubt being anything other than f*ck buddies will have a good outcome. 

Post # 249
Member
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@JustCluedIn:  I think your gut is telling you that you can’t trust this girl – and you can’t.  She obviously felt like she was cheating on you and intentionally tried to keep it from you.  Just break up with her and move on.  And next time – DTR!

A lot of people here have said that it’s entirely possible she was just exercising her non-exclusive rights (including myself).  But if she really felt that way her response would have been something along the lines of, “listen, what I did with him is really none of your business, we weren’t exclusive,” or, “yes, I slept with him, and I called it off once I thought I might want to get serious with you.”  Turning into a crying guilty mess makes it obvious that she felt like she was doing something wrong, and that she was intentionally decieving you.  Not cool, I wouldn’t stand for that.

By The Way, the steak example makes you sound…not so nice.  You don’t buy the right to have sex with a woman by buying her steak.  Please tell me you understand that.

Post # 250
Member
3768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Rollercoaster of a thread!  My two cents is to leave her and find someone else.  If there has been a breach of trust, there will always be doubt in the back of your mind going forward.

 

Post # 251
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@JustCluedIn:  “She said she never wanted to hurt me and that she was sorry and what can she do to make it up”

But the damage has been done. She hurt you by not being open and truthful, obviously. From the get go, she should’ve phrased a question to see if this was an open buffet kind of dating or just a two-person’s course meal kind of dating.

I see her as being manipulative by her lack of disclosure. If she acts differently with different people, that is quite superficial. But hey, if the sex is good and if you don’t mind sharing her with other men, you could choose to stay.

A girl/woman HAS the RIGHT to say NO. (No means no) So, that’s SUPER lame excuse on her part that her FWB was insistent.

For full disclosure, before I got together with my now current Fiance, I had a casual fling with a guy. (Open non-serious relationship, as per agreement with Guy at the time) I’ve known Fiance longer as a coworker than I’ve known Guy. I ended this fling as soon as Fiance and I started dating (i.e. mostly just hanging out/getting to know each other beter — not even reaching first base YET). As well, I fully disclosed that fling to SO. 

So, if I did what your lady friend did. I would own up that I screwed it up by not being honest. AND I wouldn’t be sending xoxo because that’s kinda fake.

Post # 253
Member
2075 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@JustCluedIn:  “It just galls me though that I really did treat very well and respectfully yet mr FWB got it all and with NO effort.”

My Fiance said if he was in your position, he would run for the hills. RUN!! RUN like the Cheetah!

 

Post # 254
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

@JustCluedIn:  It just galls me though that I really did treat very well and respectfully yet mr FWB got it all and with NO effort. 

This statement creeps me out. Did you treat her well because you were jumping through hoops to sleep with her, or because you liked her as a person and you are a respectable man? Because it certainly sounds like the former.

Post # 255
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

@JustCluedIn:  I don’t buy that she can’t remember when exactly she stopped with him. It’s a pretty easy question, yet she can’t remember if she was sleeping with you both in the same timeframe? That’s a convenient detail to be fuzzy on!

And coming over like a stripper knowing you two were probably going to talk about the issue… kind of seems like she was buttering you up beforehand. Or overcompensating. Or both.

I’m all for second chances – when the person is 100% honest and upfront.

Post # 256
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@JustCluedIn:  I think you have feelings for this woman. Otherwise you would have dumped her and wouldn’t still be so troubled.

There is better relationship material out there. But good luck with whatever you decide.

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