(Closed) My girlfriend's FWB when we startred dating

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 108
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@SoupyCat:  i didnt say that she had to sleep with him right away….anywhere in that post….my point was do you think she told either guy about the other….no….probably not….my point is chicks can be shady too….no she dosent have to sleep with him….but BOTH of them could have communicated wether they wanted to be exclusive and saved this whole drama…..she dosent have to do a damn thing….but not all girls are sweet and innocent….i know for fact….we dont know her, we dont know him….i gave my PERSONAL opinion based on what was written….they are both at fault….and both probably need to grow up….is all im saying…..

Post # 109
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@JustCluedIn:  Nevermind how we feel about it; how do YOU feel about it? Obviously, you are hurt, upset, and questionning whether she is the right girl for you. Which is fine. Worry less about the “rules” everyone else is talking about and more about how you feel. 

Sure, neither of you declared that you guys were exclusive, sure you’ve been only getting to know eachother, but it seems like she’s done something you don’t entirely approve of. That’s up to you. What matters is how you feel about it regardless of what we say on a women’s forum.

Post # 110
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Most single people want to have sex from time to time. For many men that means they jump into bed with every girl they date. Some people have one night stands. For a woman whi is single for years this is an issue. What does a girl do when she doesn’t want to sleep around with every guy she dates or have one night stands? She has a FWB. This way she doesn’t have to add to the number( some people care about that) or worry about getting hurt, diseases, etc. Whgre this girl starts sleeping with a guy indicating a relationship she stops contact with FWB. It’s a pretty normal thing single girls do. We would rather stick with sleeping with one guy as opposed to every guy we’ve dated a month. Would you rather have that girl?

 

 

Post # 111
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

@kansas_nurse:  I don’t know if she told the FWB if she was dating someone. And yes, girls can definitely be shady too. And yes, they both have a responsibility to say if they want to be exclusive. But I think if you abscond that responsibility and say nothing, you can’t complaint if you find that the other person is not exclusive.

Post # 112
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@JustCluedIn:  Hmm. This one is not really about what other people think is right, or disrespectful or whatever – it’s where you draw your own personal boundaries, and whether or not you think you could pursue a relationship with her without worrying about this and bringing it up. 

I had two FWBs before I met my husband and I was ‘seeing’ both of them at once. One of them knew about the other, but the other one didn’t. However, I was not in a relationship with either of them, nor did either of them want one. 

However, when I started talking to my now-husband (we met online), I was like, this could really be something serious so I stopped seeing the FWBs. There wasn’t any overlap, because personally, I would not want to do that to someone and I wouldn’t like it if I found out I was dating someone who had someone else on the side. But that’s just my personal boundary – everyone is different. 

Post # 113
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s none of your business if you didn’t discuss being exclusive. Obviously she has known her friends with benefits for a while. Maybe she didn’t jump into bed with him either jut like she didn’t with you. Not to mention she can choose to not wait or wait with whomever she wants. Just because she wanted to wait with you doesn’t mean that has to be her blanket rule for all men.

Post # 114
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@JustCluedIn:  If it was before you two were exclusive, it sounds like 50 shades of not your business. You don’t really know the whole story here. She might have had a super complicated/toxic relationship with this guy and was trying to move on but having a hard time, and when she met you might’ve wanted to take things slow because she learned her lesson from the other guy or something. Sounds to me like you’re just mad because you weren’t getting any, and that you feel jipped – as if she’s having sex with someone else then she “owes” you. I wish I could tell her to peace out.

Post # 115
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Stellarsays: Standing ovation. Honestly I didn’t even know where to start with this post, and you just completely nailed it.

Post # 116
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@bebero:  no to your question I wouldn’t break up. I didn’t sleep with my Darling Husband for 4 months. I wasn’t ready aNd wanted to take it slow (with him)n despite having moved faster in the paSt. I told him I was cool with him hooking up with other people if he wanted because I didnt want that pressure on me. He didn’t pressure me but I’d pressure myself with my own guilt for making him wait. I never asked if he ever hooked up with anyone during that time and I could not care less if he did. While I wasn’t sleeping with anyone at the time, I was dating around for a while. Until you are exclusive you are free to do whatever you want and it’s no one else’s business.

Post # 117
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

So not impressed by this entire thread.

You clearly aren’t compatible with this girl. No one is to fault. You just aren’t on the same page and obviously never will be. Glad you are doing her a favor and moving on. 

Post # 118
Member
5 posts
Newbee

@JustCluedIn:  Hi OP

 

I’ve been reading all these posts and was about to reply but decided to re-read your original message first – just as well because I see something that potentially changes my response!  Am I right in thinking that you did NOT come here seeking to understand her side of things and that you had ALREADY decided to end your relationship with this girl and that you were simply looking for possible examples of her logic so that you would be forewarned and therefore able to refute any of her arguments?  

 

Post # 119
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@JustCluedIn:  Everyone has their own thoughts about exclusivity, and what kind of extra curricular activities are permitted before that time.  And even girls who hold out on sex with new partners can be the type who is open to dating several people at once.  I know because I was one, and if my Darling Husband had had the conversation with me that you are planning to have with her, he wouldn’t be my Darling Husband (and he tells me every day how lucky he is to be married to me!).  When I met Darling Husband, I was seeing someone else.  It took a while for me to be intimate with that guy.  Because that’s how I am.  And on our first date, I told Darling Husband that I was slow in that regard.  But there was no need, as I was just getting to know him, to tell him all about my dating life.  Again, not everyone agrees, and perhaps you should only date people who feel the same as you do (as an aside, when I found out a boyfriend was dating someone else before he and I were exclusive, I was actually a little impressed at how well he pulled it off, so obviously that sort of thing doesn’t bother me).  Once things got more serious with Darling Husband, and before we were intimate, I broke things off with the other guy.  If he’d confronted me about it at the time, that would have been the end of us.  He asked me about it many years later (we were engaged or already married, I don’t remember).  And while I know he wasn’t thrilled with the truth, he didn’t hold it against me.

So yes, there are girls who want to wait to sleep with a new guy, while still having something with a previous guy (who had to wait his time too).

If you want to give this a relationship a go, have the exclusivity talk and let it go.  If you can’t get over it, so be it.  In the future, you may want to let your thoughts about exclusivity be known earlier.

Post # 120
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Reverse the genders in the scenario you just described–what would you think if this was something that your buddy had done while dating a girl? I think many people are unfairly biased against women for being “hoes” or “sluts” but by a double standard think it is okay for men to “play the field”. It doesn’t matter what she says to explain herself—if you can’t get past it then your relationship is over. 

Post # 121
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

to everybody saying this thread would be different if the poster was a woman? doubt it. i’ve been on the bee long enough to know that many of the responses would be “you guys weren’t exclusive and he broke it off as soon as you started being serious so he obviously cares about you. get over yourself”

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