(Closed) My girls are sad at the amount of gifts under the tree for them!

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 137
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

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@mrskisstobe:  I’m so glad you took the girls to the Salvation Army and donated your time.  I’m also so glad they are signed up again to do more.  I think you are right, it did give them some reality.  I have to say great job because most parents would just give the Ipads to the kids.

And your stripping their room bare sounds like a page out of my childhood lol

Post # 138
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Maybe don’t put the gifts under the tree so early?

Also stress that quantity and quality of presents aren’t equal.

One thing I’ve seen suggested to parents is for kids to watch as other people open their gifts and to open gifts one at a time. It teaches kids that it’s not about them, but about making their parents and siblings happy too (giving instead of getting).

Something else I was thinking is that maybe they’re jealous of their baby brother? I had a baby sister 10 years younger than me and I was SO jealous of everything she got and how much more attention she got. Now that I’m older I understand that babies need more attention than 12 year olds, but it didn’t click at the time. We still don’t get along because we each are jealous of each other.

Post # 140
Member
6033 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

My boss and I were just discussing things like this the other day. I was talking about how much my son has but how he also knows how quickly he will lose it and that it’s all earned, and shouldn’t be expected. My boss told me a story about her two sons. She said that one particularly hard christmas she struggled to get them nice gifts but was able to make it happen. Well when they opened em they were not that pleased and made it known. So she had them wrap up he gifts again and then they drove to goodwill and she made them donate their presents. They got nothing that year for christmas. I loved that idea and would do the same if my son ever decided he was going to act like a spoiled rotten entitled brat.

with that said, I would most definitely be surprising them with nothing. I am a 28 year old with a full time well payng job and it’s tough for me to go get an ipad for myself! let alone my child! and you got two?! yea… I wouldn’t be giving those ipads. And for a long while after they would get to see what it would be like without all the nice things and treats. Since you don’t really want to do that I would put a note in the ipad box and let em suffer for at least a day thinking they got nothing.

Post # 142
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I didn’t “earn” my Christmas or birthday gifts. My parents/relatives/friends always gave me gifts because they wanted to.

“Earning” a gift with good behavior was always bizarre to me. It’s not really a gift then. It’s a reward. And I’ve never heard anybody say “Okay kids, time to open your Christmas rewards!”.

If you don’t want to give them ipads, don’t. Don’t dangle them over their heads though. I always hated that stye of parenting. My parents tried that with me a few times, and we both found out it only made me resentful and them miserable.

Just my 2 cents though.

Post # 143
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@mrskisstobe:  I don’t have kids, so I won’t give any advice to you.

But I DO have to ask: what the heck is a wall letter? Are these things expensive? Do Teens like these things? Inquiring minds (aka: an aunt who has to occasionally buy stuff for her almost teeny-bopper nieces) would like to know!

Post # 144
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1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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@pharmy:  I don’t think she was saying she wants them to earn gifts, but to be appreciative of them and the fact that someone had to save and pay for them. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Post # 145
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This doesn’t really address the OP’s situation, but I wanted to share some neat ideas for Christmas that I’ve recently read about.

One idea is to have children make a four-item wish list. The categories are Want, Need, Wear, and Read.

Another idea (which I love!) is to assign a different wrapping paper to each person in a family. No name tags or labels, just the paper. There won’t be any fights or jealousy in the days leading up to Christmas – just lots and lots of guessing! On Christmas Day, parents finally reveal which name belongs to which style of wrapping paper.

 

Post # 146
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3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@MrsPeko:  No no no, please don’t do the one type wrapping paper!  My parents did that for us as kids and we hated it!  It’s still joked about 20 years later as a terrible failure on my mom’s part.  Part of the fun on Christmas is the diversity of the beautiful wrapping paper, rather than unwrapping the same type over and over.  It may seem silly, but from the kid perspective, not so fun.  (Note: We didn’t put anything other than family presents under the tree in advance – no Santa gifts etc. to look at and guess/be frustrated if not up to expectations.)

I do like the four category list.

Post # 147
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Santa doesn’t bring electronics.

That’s what my siblings and I were always told. As kids, we did not get Nintendos or all of the gadgets that are out today.

When we were all old enough, my mom and stepdad gave us one big gift- a computer for the whole family to share.

Next year, OP, keep all the gifts hidden away until Christmas eve/morning. I think that’s the best solution here. Being vindictive and taking the presents away is just mean and it’ll teach them the wrong kind of lesson.

 

 

Post # 148
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@mrskisstobe:  I am not a parent yet (give me six more months!) and I am so torn in reading this thread. I can only go off what my brother, sister and my parents do. I do agree that they are a bit young for the ipads, but that is your decision to buy them. I do not know the children and how responsible they would be with them. As a tech support agent, I know you can make them a brick and not allow internet ( or just some) I do say make them work for the wifi password each day, like making beds, doing chores. These are things I want to do once my child is at that age. I know not everything goes as planed with being a parent.

Now as far as what my family would do in this case. I grew up with three sisters and a brother. We once said so and so is getting more gifts than me. After that, each year my mom put a code on the boxes. No one knew who was getting more gifts than the other. Also, my mom always had a limit and we knew that if we asked for a more expensive gift, we were going to get fewer boxes. Now my mom buys each and everyone of the grand kids (my nieces and nephews) the exact amount of gifts and most of the time the exact gift (different variations)

My sister has a rule, one gift they want, one gift they need, one gift they read and one gift to please. The last one is of her and her husbands choosing. My brother just made his kids donate old toys and games they were not using in order to get any new gifts. Everyone has their own parenting style. Mine will be like theirs, possibly different. Yours is what works for your children.

I am happy to see they did show they got how unfair it is for other children. I say keep showing how proud you are when they want to keep volunteering. I know in time they will grow out of this and I agree in making them earn the right to use such expensive gifts.

Post # 149
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3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@mojoh:  What is a gift to please?

Post # 150
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@kay01:  Sorry, its just in there to rhyme. Its the gift that my sister and her husband choose

Post # 151
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1222 posts
Bumble bee

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@mojoh:  

I feel so terribly spoiled, reading about the category list idea (you’re not the first to mention it). I couldn’t imagine only getting 4 gifts- my dad would buy me one or two bigger gifts (not necessarily expensive, but definitely something I wanted), and a ton of smaller gifts: winter gloves, school supplies, clothes, toys, etc. I never counted my presents or knew how many I was getting, nor was I ever ungrateful. For my future kids, I may do something similar: have them write as many things in each category as they like, but make it clear they won’t get them all, and then pick and choose based on what I can afford, what they really want, etc. To me it’s no fun knowing I’m getting X Amount of presents and one will be clothes and one will be books, etc. The mystery was the best part! (And still is!)

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