(Closed) My girls are sad at the amount of gifts under the tree for them!

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 167
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@MrsPeko:  Oh I see!  I should also explain (so I don’t appear a complete brat of a child who must have each gift beautifully wrapped in unique brand new paper) that we followed my grandmother’s tradition of saving every scrap of paper and reusing it year after year until it completely wore out and couldn’t even be used for stocking items.  We looked forward to being considered old enough to be given the knife to carefully slice open presents and take tags off.  She was very thrifty – but it made for a beautiful picture of all of the presents! 

Post # 168
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say this: I’m 25 years old and the most expensive Christmas or birthday gifts I’ve ever recieved from my parents were, in total, no more than $200. Once, for my high school graduation, I recieved a digital camera. But I graduated with honors and my parents considered that a great achievement.

Also, while I don’t think a kid needs their own ipad, if you want to get one, that’s your call. But maybe you should get one for them to share. Sharing helps them appreciate it more.

Post # 169
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Sooooooo howd it go?!

Post # 170
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Update?

Post # 171
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Post # 172
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@ItWasntMe:  I disagree. It will teach him that being a spoiled brat will get you nothing for christmas.

Post # 173
Member
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

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@BoiledPNut:  

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@ItWasntMe:  

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@PinkMermaid:  

i agree with all three of you lol depending on what was said&how it was handled, it could go either way. Either a huge, loud and clear message was heard or the child is so humiliated that it will resent his parents forever…such a tough situation! 

For me, it would have worked. For some of my friends, it wouldn’t have not at all not a little bit lol. 

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@Hyperventilate:  I love this!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol

Post # 174
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m waaaay late on this, but I just wanted to say all of the responses were really interesting and many will be tucked away in my future parenting mind pocket.

Post # 176
Member
4282 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@Birdee106:  +1. Even though it would be VERY hard to do this. I think if you don’t stop this now it will get worse and you don’t want them acting like that their whole life.

Post # 177
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@mrskisstobe:  I am really sorry that your older daughter is treating you this way. I am just beginning as an elementary school teacher, and the greatest advice I was ever given was to never ask students anything (example: will you please get out your homework? will you please stop what you’re doing?) – demand it (Get out your homework. Stop what you are doing and look up at the board.)

In my classroom, I am very clear – these are the expectations, and if you do not fulfill them, there are consequences. However, there are also not rewards for doing something that is expected of you. The first time, yes, a reasonable reward (special treat, friend over, etc.) is acceptable. But when the expectation has been made clear for quite some time, there is no longer a reward because it is required behavior.

One more piece of advice from someone who was a horrible 13-year-old: Try not to give a reaction. Just simply remain neutral. Don’t talk back to her talking back, or yell to her yelling. After all, this only affirms her behavior because she sees you doing it.

If you get really angry or your feelings are especially hurt, make sure the children are safe, leave the room, and take a bath, have a glass of wine, craft, answer e-mails, whatever helps you relax.

And no matter what she says, she loves you.

Post # 178
Member
2259 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

🙁 gosh what a predicament. I have some background in this. My older sister and I are biological and grew up with next to nothing. Now that my parents have more money and we are older, they are giving/spending much more on my adopted little sister (12 yrs difference between us) than they ever could for us. I know my parents have experienced the brattiness and spoiled nature of a kid who gets everything now that she’s getting older as well (turning 11 this year). 

 My family does one thing that helps- when growing up we never could compare presents because they would ALL be put out Christmas eve after we were asleep. Could solve the whole ‘she got more than me’ thought process they are going through. Christmas morning we were so excited to get anything at all that my sister and I didn’t remember to compare or count at all. I plan to do this with my kid as well. 

Some Christmases we had nothing. It’s hard for me to understand my little sister sometimes because she’s never had a holiday without presents. Sometimes it’s good for kids to get fewer presents- sometimes it also does them a world of good to keep a list of what they are getting for others instead of their own wish list. 

It may be just a phase since it’s a mixed family situation, I feel where they’re coming from could be due to this and feelings of jealousy (pretty natural) over a new family member from your current marriage. Maybe in upcoming holidays you could start a new family tradition of helping out at a homeless shelter or making Christmas boxes for kids in third world countries. I did both these things growing up and both experiences have really helped remind us all that it’s not always about what we get under the tree. 

Just suggestions! Hope this helps. 

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