- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say this: I’m 25 years old and the most expensive Christmas or birthday gifts I’ve ever recieved from my parents were, in total, no more than $200. Once, for my high school graduation, I recieved a digital camera. But I graduated with honors and my parents considered that a great achievement.
Also, while I don’t think a kid needs their own ipad, if you want to get one, that’s your call. But maybe you should get one for them to share. Sharing helps them appreciate it more.
Sooooooo howd it go?!
i agree with all three of you lol depending on what was said&how it was handled, it could go either way. Either a huge, loud and clear message was heard or the child is so humiliated that it will resent his parents forever…such a tough situation!
For me, it would have worked. For some of my friends, it wouldn’t have not at all not a little bit lol.
I’m waaaay late on this, but I just wanted to say all of the responses were really interesting and many will be tucked away in my future parenting mind pocket.
Hey everyone. Hope all you ladies had a nice Christmas.
Ours was good. The girls opened all their gifts first and then we saved the big box for last. Once they opened the box and saw the two smaller ones in there, their faces lit up. They were excited.
Sad to say though, their attitudes haven’t improved. The younger daughter is pretty good. She helps out quite a bit. The older one is being awful. She is snotty, spiteful and has the worst attitude ever! She lies straight to my face. I get so mad at her sometimes and yell. I hate yelling at her. I ask her to do something and she says she will do it later or talks back. It’s come to the point where she wants to stay with her dad. She says she is confused about wanting to live with me.
In my classroom, I am very clear – these are the expectations, and if you do not fulfill them, there are consequences. However, there are also not rewards for doing something that is expected of you. The first time, yes, a reasonable reward (special treat, friend over, etc.) is acceptable. But when the expectation has been made clear for quite some time, there is no longer a reward because it is required behavior.
One more piece of advice from someone who was a horrible 13-year-old: Try not to give a reaction. Just simply remain neutral. Don’t talk back to her talking back, or yell to her yelling. After all, this only affirms her behavior because she sees you doing it.
If you get really angry or your feelings are especially hurt, make sure the children are safe, leave the room, and take a bath, have a glass of wine, craft, answer e-mails, whatever helps you relax.
And no matter what she says, she loves you.
🙁 gosh what a predicament. I have some background in this. My older sister and I are biological and grew up with next to nothing. Now that my parents have more money and we are older, they are giving/spending much more on my adopted little sister (12 yrs difference between us) than they ever could for us. I know my parents have experienced the brattiness and spoiled nature of a kid who gets everything now that she’s getting older as well (turning 11 this year).
My family does one thing that helps- when growing up we never could compare presents because they would ALL be put out Christmas eve after we were asleep. Could solve the whole ‘she got more than me’ thought process they are going through. Christmas morning we were so excited to get anything at all that my sister and I didn’t remember to compare or count at all. I plan to do this with my kid as well.
Some Christmases we had nothing. It’s hard for me to understand my little sister sometimes because she’s never had a holiday without presents. Sometimes it’s good for kids to get fewer presents- sometimes it also does them a world of good to keep a list of what they are getting for others instead of their own wish list.
It may be just a phase since it’s a mixed family situation, I feel where they’re coming from could be due to this and feelings of jealousy (pretty natural) over a new family member from your current marriage. Maybe in upcoming holidays you could start a new family tradition of helping out at a homeless shelter or making Christmas boxes for kids in third world countries. I did both these things growing up and both experiences have really helped remind us all that it’s not always about what we get under the tree.
Just suggestions! Hope this helps.
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