(Closed) My girls are sad at the amount of gifts under the tree for them!

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 107
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@MrsFuzzyFace:  I am always amazed at how many parents genuinely can not tell the difference between doing what make themselves feel good vs what is best for their kids.



Couldn’t agree more. 

Post # 108
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

forgive me but I just slightly browsed the feedback, but I cant help but wonder how many of the bees responding “oh hell no” and “take back the ipads” are parents. Imagine really giving them nothing for christmas? Thats a tough punishment for the crime.

They are KIDS. they see that they have nothing under the tree because you put another kids name on their gifts, so it probably looks like the other kid has alot and they dont. I would sit them down and talk to them, not punish them over this.

If on christmas morning they made a stink then yea Id go bonkers, but right now they are probably just genuinly curious why they have very little under the tree.

Also, in my house, just to prevent the snooping I dont put anything under the tree until the night of, why dont you do that?

 

 

Post # 109
Member
2099 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@mrskisstobe:  I think you are taking the right approach and I am so glad the girls are getting an eye opener and lessons AND you still get to do your special present for them this year.

To those of you who are berating the OP for what she spends on her children this reminds me of attacking brides for what they spend on their wedding.  This was something special that she wanted to do for her children.  I think we need to remember the kids that were killed last Friday and understand whether gifts are  material or emotional or spiritual that time with your children could end any second for many reasons and to appreciate that time with them.

Please stop judging the OP – she came here, asked for advice because she needed support and then acted on advice.

crawling off my soapbox now

Post # 110
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

OP, glad that it worked out with your girls. I’m sure they’re great kids, it’s just a tough age to be in a materialistic society. Don’t listen to other bees tell you what your girls should or shouldn’t get for gifts. That’s no one’s business but your family’s. Ipads are not illegal, there is no age restriction for them, and they aren’t used for some insidious behavior. If it makes you happy to gift them to your daughters and it makes them happy to get them, that’s all that matters.

Post # 111
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

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@unixfairy:  I don’t think people are trying to judge.  My girls don’t act like that, hers do.  I can only assume that if she wants different results that she should do something new.  As Albert Einstein said, you can’t get out of a problem with the same thinking that created the problem.  I would think that if bees have children that do behave like that, she would want to follow the advice of people who got better results with their approach.

Post # 112
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I grew up an only child, and by many standards, I was spoiled.  But, my parents went out of their way to make sure they did not raise an ungrateful child.  they taught me from an early age about how everyone was not as fortunate as us, and how some children got very little to nothing for Christmas. I rarely expected or asked for much, let alone complained about not getting enough.

I remember one Christmas when I was 11, the family that I took riding lessons from was going to come over.  Little did I know that it was because I was getting a horse for Christmas.  My mother had informed me that the little boy of the family, who was a two years older than me was only getting a shirt for Christmas, so she wanted us to open our presents before they came, and then hide them away.  I was so distressed at this news I cried and felt so ashamed that I had so much and he so little.  And…I didn’t even know about the horse at this point.

The following year I told my parents that I wanted to forgo Christmas presents for myself, and instead sponsor a child in need.  I was still so affected by the little boy’s situation the previous year.  I am not sure they have ever been as proud as me as that moment.

I think you really need to nip this in the bud right away, or you are really going to end up with some ungrateful bratty children.  I would recommend only giving them the socks and underwear for Christmas, and then work on teaching them the value of money and how everyone is not as fortunate as them.  Once you feel that this has really sunk in, I would test them.  Give them the choice between an IPAD or to donate X amount of money or time to people in need.  If they choose the IPAD, give their IPADS away and let them know how disappointed in them you are (let them known you had the IPADS all along). If they choose to donate, then let them donate some money or time and give them the IPADS. 

Good Luck!

Post # 113
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mrskisstobe:  I am in NO WAY bashing your parenting skills with what I am about to post.

Growing up I had 4 sisters. My parents didn’t have a lot of money. We ALWAYS had everything we needed and MUCH more than we needed. I got two barbie houses for Christmas one year to go with my collection of 54 barbies.

I don’t think it’s fair to take the ipads back now. You have to start teaching your children from a young young age about gratitude, respect and so on. It isn’t their fault that they are not showing this. I’m also not saying you didn’t teach them these things.

I remember being a brat on Christmas morning because I didn’t get a stupid indigo watch I wanted when I was 13. I was so mean to my mom. I STILL feel so bad about my attitude and disrespect about it. I also wish I was taught to be more grateful growing up.

Post # 114
Member
40 posts
Newbee

When I was Little, I had to behave to get what I wanted and it sure wasnt an ipad. Luckily kids. I think they should learn the value of that expensive present and that money doest grow on trees. Either take them back and get something else or keep them until they are ready to show you they are grown up enough and respectful 

Post # 115
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wow, two iPads?!?! No offense, but my parents would never have spent $100+ on something I wanted. (something I needed, sure, but not something I wished for). Personally I’d say keep one iPad (and return the other), for the whole family. Teach them to share with each other (schedule, chore incentive, etc) and you can use it too. Just my two cents

Post # 116
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

my parents never spent more than $100 per child when I was growing up. If they spent more, it would be on a group present (like the Barbie Powerwheel my sisters and I shared).

i have no idea what my parents would do because we never ran into that type of situation. my sisters and i opened our presents and thanked them profusely for each one before moving onto the next. one year i wasn’t happy with my present, but my parents had to pry it out of me because i didn’t want to hurt their feelings.

i do know what i would do if they were my kids though… while most presents under the tree come from the parents, each child gets ONE present from Santa… and it’s always the most important gift (i still remember gogo my walking pup). So… if this (the ipad situation) were mine, on christmas there would be the normal presents from mom and dad… and the santa present would contain coal. no ipad. back to the store with that.

Post # 117
Member
269 posts
Helper bee

My fiances’ mom would take their gifts back to the store and make him explain why he was returning them. “I’m returning my Christmas gifts because I don’t deserve them by the way of my actions.” It only took one holiday to teach him a lesson. And he had grew up a poor boy too. Those were the only toys he recieved all year.

Post # 118
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Just a thought here, is it possible that they feel you are playing favourites with the baby, as you mentioned he/she has more presents under the tree? A new edition to the family can be tough, and if they feel like you’re buying the baby lots of presents, but have not got them much at all then maybe that would explain why they are so snarky.

If that’s not it, I probably would take away their gifts. It would be SUPER hard for me to do, as I love christmas, but you can be sure that it would cure their ungrateful behaviour, so I think i’d make myself do it for the greater good.

Post # 119
Member
2099 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@MrsFuzzyFace:  Not trying to start a flame war but please understand I have taken a different approach and I have two children aged 15 and 18 who are extremely grateful and good kids.  My family gets frustrated because I have taught them to be responsible and not greedy and they both have expressed that they have everything that they need and want and any gift is fine.

I have never resorted to the parenting tips given by many of the Bees here and was presenting a different but still successful point of view.

I raised my kids with 2 rules.

1. If it is immoral, illegal or just plain stupid – do not do it. 

(if the did there were well defined consequences and they had to pinpoint which of the 3 categories it would be considered)

2. You can say ANYTHING to me that you like as long as you say it respectfully.

I have two kids that communicate with me so much more than other teens.  And we talk about everything.  Things that sometimes as a parent it is challenging to discuss.  And they are good students, good people and are headed for successful lives.

Just thought she was being bombarded with lots of much harsher advice. 

 

Post # 120
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

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@unixfairy:  I think you make some very good points.  It certainly sounds like your kids understand thankfulness, respect, and acceptable behavior.  I hope that the OP doesn’t feel judged for her parenting choices.  I personally disagree with the reasoning the OP is using, but obviously she loves her children and wants the best for them.  The fact that your children are turning out with gratitude and contentment in a world that teaches children that life is about what you can get is a testimony of your parenting.  I think there is room for more than one approach, and obviously what you are doing is working beautifully.  It sounds like they are delightful young people.

Post # 121
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I’ve been following this thread for a while and I figure it’s about time to jump in now.

I agree with a few others that we all remember that these are children and will most likely not behave like a rational adult does. I don’t think a bout of bad behavior is necessarily indicative of how they’ll be as adults or representative of your parenting. Personally, I think you handled it very well considering some of the suggestions.

My dad grew up very poor and didn’t have much, and he had even less after his dad died. So he worked hard to make a life for himself and he wanted his children to have better than he did. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give your kids something nice once in a while. There’s certainly a difference between that and giving them anything they desire at the snap of their fingers.

I’m not saying to let children do as they please but I dunno I’ve just seen way too many ill-effects of too heavy-handed parenting. When you see someone punch themself in the jaw over and over again because they got a B on a test you just become wary to go straight for the extreme measures.

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