Post # 1
Some back story, my good friend and I met 10 years ago in first year of university, and I have seen her date some stinkers, but when she met her now husband, I thought yes finally a great sweetheart. So she sent me a message today saying that her and her husband (they have been married just over a year) are getting divorced. She also dropped the bomb that she is moving back to her native country (12+ hour flight away) in a few days, and will only be coming back to sign her divorce papers. I’m not sure what to say to her, I am there for her I told her I will drive to go see her whatever she needs. I’m just not sure what to say eveything feels awkward or wrong. Do any of you have any suggestions? I am just so sad for her and for the situation, I wish I could just make everything better. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Post # 2
flowerofeden: I am so sorry your friend must go through this but maybe it is for the best. I think you did well by letting her know you’d be there for her no matter what, because she really needs support right now. I would say check on her(call email etc..)every so often but do not over do it (many people like me tend to withdraw themselves from their environment and loved ones). I would also say to stay away from the divorce topic since it is touchy and only talk about it when they mention it
Post # 3
snina8916: Thank you, so far that is what I have been doing, I’m the same I withdraw from people when sad, so I can understand how that can be. It’s so hard because I was in her wedding, and a few weeks ago she was talking to me about starting to feel like she wanted a baby. I know they will probably both be better off, I just want to do what I can to make things easier for her. It’s just so hard when you see the people you love in pain. Thank you so much for your input.
Post # 4
You’re being a really good friend. Just being there to listen can be very helpful and can help you get an idea of what she really needs. As for specific things to do, she might need help packing since she’s leaving so soon. She might also like a girls’ night diversion given all the stress.
Post # 5
craigslistgirl: Thank you very much for your advice, I really appreciate it. I am going to be going over there tomorrow and helping her pack and bringing her a bouquet of flowers. Just a gesture to let her know I will always be there for her. However her husband will be there when I go help her and I dunno if I will be able to hold me tongue. How should I react when I see him?
Post # 6
just listening is wonderful. Divorce is very difficult. When I went thru mine there were days I felt completely alone (I was, and still am, the only person in my family to have ever gotten divorced!)
my best friend would call me out of the blue. She’d ask how I was. . she’d ask what I did that day. She’d tell me a funny story about her work. She saved my sanity.
Post # 7
Listen and offer support. Make plans with her to meet for lunch. Be supportive and upbeat.
You’re a great friend for being so considerate!
Post # 8
It’s not your place to say anything to the husband…I’m guessing you know why they’re divorcing, but you need to remember that your only role here is to support your friend. You won’t be doing her any favors by having a confrontation with her soon-to-be ex while she’s dealing with packing, moving, divorcing, etc.
As others have said, obviously there’s a huge emotional component as well as a logistical component to this situation. Whether she wants to talk/deal with the emotional side is up to her, but she’s most definitely going to need help with the logistics. Just be there to help with whatever she asks, no judgment. You sound like a really good friend!
Post # 9
GroovyHippieChick: amiona: Hausfrau: Yes i kept my tongue, I decided it wasn’t my place, I helped her pack up everything she wanted to take yesterday, and got her out of the house, and got her a meal, she needed to eat, and she hadn’t been. I think it was good, she needed to get some stuff out of her system which she did, and I offered for her to stay at our house if she needed it, and I would come get her if she needed it. It was super crappy, lots of crying, and I cried too cause I hated to see her so sad, but I was pleasant to her husband, but then mostly we went and did our own thing. Thank you all for your advice.