Post # 1
So I have this good friend I will call Mary. Mary and I were very close during our college and post college years. We have been friends for about 5 years. She even went on vacation with my family and would spend some holidays at my family’s home. She and a couple of others were the only people who I thought I would continue to have a relationship with after school. I was also close with her boyfriend (went to school with him too). They moved out of state but we still kept in close contact via emails, e-mail chat, texts, facebook, etc.
A few months ago I saw on facebook that they got engaged. She didn’t tell me which I thought was a little strange but whatever. So i texted her and said congrats and asked her to show me the bling. She responded and told me how it happened, bla bla bla. No wedding plans or anything were mentioned, even though I asked.
Fast forward ONE MONTH! And I see on facebook that they got MARRIED! AGAIN, she didn’t tell me and I had to see it on facebook. It was a small ceremony with just friends and family. I knew she always wanted a small wedding but I know that is not what she imagined it would be. I was honestly shocked. I was also a little hurt. Not that I wasn’t invited but that she didn’t even bother to contact me or let me know anything about it.
THEN, just now I went onto facebook and get a message from her and her now husband that they are having a baby in MARCH and they asked me to donate money to their diaper fund!!!! WTF!??! Seriously? Isn’t that odd? I just don’t get it. We are not close enough for her to tell me she is engaged, married, or with child, but you will ask me for $$.
I’m so confused and a little hurt. Am I being weird or is asking for $$ really nervey??
Post # 3
I’ve got a similar story. My BM who had been my best friend since I was about 10 gradually drifted away from me after her 1st marriage broke up. I never even got an invite to her 2nd wedding, I just heard about it 2nd hand. That hurt, but oh well.
I have seen advice that you shouldn’t talk about your wedding to people you don’t intend to invite. I don’t agree with that advice, but that advice is out there. So I guess she followed that advice. Yeah it hurts but you’ve got to move on. You can still say friends.
But the diaper fund… to me that’s crossing the line. Maybe in some social circles it’s ok, but to me it’s just begging. I paid for my babies, you pay for yours. I’d just not reply (and obviously not send anything). I’d still attend a baby shower because that’s a fun event, but it seems they want the gifts (or worse, the cash) wthout bothering to entertain their friends.
Post # 4
@paula1248: Ugh, some people I swear! I’m positive I won’t be invited to the baby shower if there even is one. They just want the money, the message even said “donate to help us out with some cold hard cash to buy diapers.”
PS. They are by no means poor (they are actually both doctors!!!!) and both come from good families who would never leave them high and dry if they needed something.
I just don’t understand people sometimes, I would never be that rude!
Post # 5
I would definitely be put off if I was you in that situation. Try to think about it from her perspective… you said he wedding wasn’t what you thought she expected it to be. If the baby is due in March maybe her husband and her felt compelled ot be married before the baby was born. If that is the case, she is probably insanely busy trying to organize her life right now and is letting some of her friendships slip through the cracks. I wouldn’t take it personally that she seemingly excluded you from these momentous occasions, because she probably is just so focused on everything changing in her life that she doesn’t have time for much else. That being said, whether you choose to donate money to a diaper fund is totally up to you and I think either way you go with that, there really isn’t a right or wrong thing to do – it should just be what you feel comfortable doing.
Post # 6
Your friend has some balls on her! I can understand friends drifting away but it’s pretty rude of her to not a least tell you about her engagement or her being pregnant.
I understand her not wanting to talk about her wedding with you since she didn’t invite you. We were planning on having a small wedding and I was not going to invite a lot of my very close friends but I was up front with all of them about this. Something she didn’t feel the need to be.
I wouldn’t donate to her diaper fund especially since they’re both well off.
Post # 7
@LadyX: yah! apparently she has HUGE balls! I will not be donating to the fund, but I did congratulate her via facebook because apparantly that’s how we communicate now! Ridiculous!
Post # 8
It doesn’t sound like you are close enough anymore that you would have been one of those she called before announcing her engagement to facebook. And it is considered kind of rude to talk about wedding plans with someone who isn’t invited to the wedding. You knew she was engaged, so you aleady knew she was getting married.
The baby thing bothers me though. Especially since she asked you to donate to a diaper fund.
Post # 9
@Lily_of_the_valley: I was all ready to say well I guess your friendship isn’t as close anymore and she has a right to a small wedding and that if you found about her engagement on facebook that should have been a sign you wouldn’t be invited to the wedding. However, then I got to the part about asking for $. SO RUDE! I would actually write her a message telling her how incredibly rude you find it. Ugh people baffle me!
Post # 10
Was the message on FB only to you? As you said “I knew she always wanted a small wedding but I know that is not what she imagined it would be” so being that she was most likely pregnant and emotional during all this, she was trying to figure her life out and that could be a very scary and lonely time. After you made contact with her, she probably felt like it was okay to include you in what is going on with the baby. If you want to continue being friends with her, try to understand her during this time and don’t make it about you. I assume you do want her friendship since you wrote this post. If you really don’t, don’t apply to the FB message and leave it at that. She’ll be much too busy for people who will judge her every move and motive with her new family anyway.
Post # 11
That takes balls. clearly she doesn’t value your friendship. I agree with the PP, send her an email letting her know its pretty rude. If i’m good enough to be part of your outreach when your knocked up, please don’t ask me to contribute to your baby fund.
Post # 12
That is possibly the rudest way to announce a pregnancy!
Post # 13
I could understand wanting a small wedding and having it a family only even (that’s what my parents did) but asking for money? I honestly probably wouldn’t even respond!
Post # 14
@Lily_of_the_valley: Yeah, the asking for $$ part is where it gets to be a bit much.
I figure for the engaged/married/pregnant part, she might have been scared because the pregnancy could have been unplanned, so fair enough. Notifying out of state people may have been the last thing on her mind so I’d let that slide. But then asking for cash like that is just tacky.
Post # 15
@PinkPanda: No I was 1 of 75 lucky people to get that message. Who sends out a mass e-mail asking for cold hard cash?? She said we could send them money directly through paypal……..hmmmmok???
Post # 16
@canarydiamond: Yeah, I agree with this. All but the baby stuff I could let slide since you don’t know what she was up to in those months. But then coming out and asking for money? Nope. Not okay.