(Closed) My Grandma is declining

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@sienna76:  I’m very sorry that you and your family are dealing with this. =( As for your question, I think you should visit her as soon as you can. Though I know your sisters are nurses, medical issues and conditions can change very rapidly. I’d hate to think if you went to visit her at the very end and something changed or happened to hinder you being able to say goodbye in time. Also if her mental capacity is decreasing as you mentioned, I think it’s even more reason to visit her asap on the chance her condition declines further.

Post # 5
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sorry you are going through this. 🙁 I think you should try to get home asap. I was with my Papaw (who was like a father figure to me)  when he passed, and it was the most heart wrenching thing ever. I cherish the memories I have of him prior to that. I think you would be happier seeing your Gram mobile and able to talk to you than when you lose her.

(Obviously if getting home for both is possible, I am for that)

Post # 6
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

you got me choked up. Beautiful pictures of your grandma, god bless her heart. You should get home to be with her, sorry you are going through this.

Post # 8
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sienna76:  Sorry to hear about your grandma. I just went through something similar with mine (who was 93 when she passed) recently. It is really tough to make these decisions. It is really awesome that your sister is a nurse at your grandma’s nursing home. It probably means a lot to her that she can be so close to family even when she is sick. I’m sure your grandma knows you’d like to be there, and if she doesn’t, then tell her. Phone calls, video chats, etc. are possible options to help cheer her up even if you can’t physically be there. If your work gives you time that you can take for medical issues in family members, that may be an option as well. 

What I know from my experience is that when my grandma passed, I didn’t have regrets. In the weeks leading up to it, I had taken a lot of time off work to be able to hang out with her in the hospital. She was in hospice at the time, but still fairly alert and chatty. I personally worried a little bit about slacking off on work until I put it in the perspective of, work is forever, my grandma isn’t. I got behind but I don’t regret being able to be there for the day when she told me she just wanted to sit up in bed with me and rest her head on my shoulder. Having that time means a lot to me and I know it meant a lot to her, too. If you can get some of that time and make it work, I’d suggest doing so. You might not be there at the last second even if you mean to. I actually missed my grandma’s passing. I went out for a walk and planned to go to the hospital right after, and in the span of about 10 minutes she changed dramatically and passed away. I don’t really regret my walk, though, because for as important as it is to show your love and support to your grandma, it’s also important that you take care of yourself too. Do what you can to make the time you can take meaningful, and figure out what the most meaningful time is. It might be now, it might be when it’s closer to the end — up to you to figure it out. But I think as long as your heart is in the right place you will make good choices. Do what you can’t and don’t beat yourself up about what you can’t do. If she’s anything like my grandma, she loves you regardless or how much time you can spend there and above anything else wants you to take good care of yourself. 

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