(Closed) My grandmas bf died. Suspicious of how he died. Need legal advice

posted 4 years ago in Legal
Post # 2
103 posts
Blushing bee


Ap2010:  I don’t think a internet wedding forum is the best place to get legal advice.  You should go speak to a lawyer.

Post # 3
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t do anything. You have no proof that anything wrong happened! 

About the meds – Do you or your grandmother have any medical training? What makes you think he was being overmedicated? Do you have any proof that he was being overmedicated? Also, I guarantee that the facility that he was in was in charge of his meds, not his daughter, though I’m sure she monitored them, since it’s her dad. And it’s not, at all, unusual for an Alzheimer’s patient to temporarily improve with a med chage, but it doesn’t usually last.

About the house – She’s a doctor. She knows how Alzheimers works. She knows that he’s going to continue to go down hill. She was likely concerned about his safety, if he was left home, alone. It can be very dangerous, for themselves and others, for a person with Alzheimers to live by themselves. So once he was in the facility, she knew he likely wasn’t going back home and was being practicle in trying to sell the properties. She may have also been trying to pay for the facility.

About the relative that shoveled the dirt and then left – it’s a funeral – of course he was upset. Doesn’t mean he was guilty!

I think your imagination is on a bit of overdrive. I’d just forget about it.

Post # 4
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The only way that you can get legal advice is to talk to a lawyer.  Your not a family member or have any legal authorization on behalf of TO. So, no you will not be able to get any documents.  There are privacy laws and they don’t just give these to anyone who requests them.  It sounds to me like TO daughter may have had, power of attorney, for her father TO.  Basically, this is a legal document that one person signs giving someone else permission to take care of all their $$ affairs and medical decisions on their behalf.  My mother has this with my grandmother as she is elderly and doesn’t want/or able to take care of these things herself.  You can’t just put someone’s house up for sale without having some kind of legal authorization.  My guess is that TO may have given his daughter power of attorney thinking she would take care of him.  Maybe TO’s daughter didn’t ask him if it was okay to sell his house.  But that doesn’t matter once he signs that paper she can do what ever she wants, right or wrong, nice or not.  I suspect you don’t have all the facts here.  Just because your grandmother told you that she didn’t have authorization to sell his house, doesn’t mean it’s true.  Maybe there are things that your grandma doesn’t know.  You could go to the police but I don’t think you have much to go on…Other than his children treated him badly as he got older.

As for TO’s son it sounds like he didn’t have a good realtionship with TO.  He sounds like he’s angry or resents his father for some reason.  An adult’s realtionship with their parents is very complicated.  Who know’s what kind of father TO was or what else went on between him and his son over the years.  Just because you thought TO was a nice guy doesn’t mean his kids feel that way about him.  Again, you don’t have all the facts.

Post # 5
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

The assisted living home would have been responsible for his medications, including helping him select his doctor. That is the purpose of such a home. In the case of an overdose, the home would be liable.

However, I’m not entirely sure what standard medications you could use to accelerate death in such a person. None immediately spring to mind. Unless you have a lot more evidence than this, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on.

Post # 6
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

As someone who just watched a loved one slowly die, all of the medication sounds normal. We had to keep my mom medicated because of the agitation caused by the morphine that was stopping the pain. All of her medicine was guided by her hospice and nurses and I administered them while caring for her at home. To outside people it looked like I was over medicating her but the key was to keep the medicine in her system so that she didn’t exhibit terminal agitation or any pain or discomfort. That’s what death is. At home or in a hospice, Its a slow terrible process.  


You aren’t a relative and neither was your g grandma, you don’t really know what was happening inside the grieving person’s mind at the burial and why they acted the way they did. I’m sure it was tough for them and everyone grieves differently.

Post # 8
2880 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Ap2010: this is too confusing — I’d consult an attorney. 

Post # 12
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Ap2010:  Here’s the thing about morphine…

It does reduce life expectancy, especially in people with pre-existing brain damage. However, that’s part of the reason it is used… to reduce suffering. It is used primarily because it is an excellent painkiller, but also because its side effects (including shortening life) are actually seen as not being problematic in people with end of life diseases.

I can tell you now that unless this man was deliberately euthanised (given a deliberate, large overdose right at the end) you will not be able to bring suit based on overmedication of morphine.

Post # 13
7340 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

There’s  nothing  at all for an attorney to do here. You have no legal standing to request an autopsy or medical records and you have no legal relationship with the deceased. If you truly think there was foul play involved, you should contact the police. From what you describe, there does not seem to be justification for a police investigation. 


Post # 14
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Honestly, nothing about this sounds weird to me.  People with Alzheimer and other forms of dementia are generally skeptical about people/treatment, insist they’re fine and can be independent, can become irrationally mad, etc. Many (if not most) elderly people have a very hard time dealing with no longer being able to be self-sufficient and independent. In-home nurses are extremely expensive, so if he could no longer care for himself, he needed to be put in a nursing home.  I do  think it’s ill-advised to have a family member as a doctor, but I highly doubt there was anything malicious going on.<br />

If you absolutely suspect foul play and would feel guilty not looking into it, then go to the police.  I don’t think they will find cause to investigate, though.  If you go to a civil lawyer, I’m not sure there would be enough damages for them to consider taking the case.

Post # 15
325 posts
Helper bee

Ap2010:  Just so you know, when elderly people pass from natural causes, it happens in an almost identical manner as you outlined here. It’s not a fun thing to watch happen, but that’s simply the process. Old people die. Sometimes in a long, drawn out and rollercoaster fashion.

It is also very common for disgruntled family members to try to speculate, point fingers and place blame. Just because your grandmother thought that her boyfriend was on too many unnecessary medications, does not mean he was. And, just because she does not get along with his children, doesn’t mean they killed him. Considering you said there were many people involved in this man’s care, your perception of it sounds like a pretty elaborate conspiracy theory to me. 

I would seriously think twice before you start accusing people of murder… My goodness. 

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