(Closed) My grandmother needs to back off…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Can you uninvite your grandma??  LOL, I guess I’m j/k…(but think about it…)

I think you just need to KEEP saying no.  Tell your mom to KEEP saying no.  Start throwing out the names of people who will be assed out if the old folks show up!  (“Hey Mom, we invited Bob, Julie, Kelly, Chris, and Sam, and they won’t have any seats if Great Uncle Old Fart shows up!”)

Have you received any declines yet?  I would be VERY worried about 289 people showing up to a venue that seats 160…that is a very significant miscalculation on your part.  I guess you can fix the seating chart to make all YOUR guests happy and just leave out your mom’s guests, but geez, that’s A LOT of people!

Post # 5
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sounds like you have to stand your ground.  I’m sure she’s just proud of you and wants to share this joyous occasion with as many people as she can.  But your back is already against the wall- you can’t do it.  Eventually she should come around, see that this isn’t worth fighting over.  I think you still have the right to object.

Post # 6
1565 posts
Bumble bee

Even if you wanted to accommodate your grandma’s extra guests, it really sounds like you can’t, due to space. I think it’s very important to make sure your mom is 100% on your side, so she doesn’t cave to your grandma after a few more angry phone calls. I mean, how could you possibly argue with “There’s no space!”?


Post # 8
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hey CHK, I totally understand your frustration. My Gmom is absolutely horrid and unfortunately isn’t slowing down at all, even at 84 years old. She has devoted her life to making my Mom’s and my life a living hell by spreading rumours about us, trying to control us and generally being awful.

She very rudely told me that my sisters ceremony was awful because there was no eucharist. And told me and Fiance that even though we were traveling constantly and totally inconveneinced for our Out of Town wedding we should be taking the bus instead of the train. I nodded, smiled and walked away. Guess what – Fiance and I still take the train adn you better believe we’re skipping the eucharist!! Sorry, everyone else at teh wedding is gonna thank us and we think you suck!!

Sorry for my rant. Anyway, I would advise you to stick to your guns by ignoring her. Just tell your Mom that the guest list is final and to tell that to your Gmom and anyone else who asks. You don’t have to explain yourself and your Gmom doesn’t have to come.

Post # 9
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Ugh…I feel you on this. We should have made a rule to begin with: “No one we don’t know.” A bunch of guests were tacked on at the end. We were assured none would attend, but of course some of them are! I wish we’d stood our ground, so now I hope for you that you are able to.

If it helps, we invited over 330, and still expect only about 180 to attend. Our final acceptance rate will be only about 54%. What helped us was to make a copy of the guestlist and guess who’d attend and who wouldn’t. We’ve been pretty accurate so far.

If you want to offer anything at all to your Grandma, you could tell her that if you still have spaces open on your RSVP deadline (under the 100 available), she can call and invite her brothers. But that might be dangerous because it’s probably very unlikely and could just draw out the battle longer.

Bottom line: If she isn’t paying, she doesn’t get to have a say in the guest list. Same goes for your mom.

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