(Closed) My Grandmother wants to officiate. It's causing a lot of drama.

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
8483 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Could you just ask your grandma to make a speech, instead? At least then if she made it all about her, it wouldnt be such a big peice of the wedding.

Post # 4
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just tell her no, flat out, or say you’ve already made arrangements.  It sounds like you are not close to your grandmother nor is she living by you–is she that involved in your wedding planning?

Edited to add:  when I had my “big wedding” the first time around, I chose not to invite my dad’s family because not only am I not close them, either emotionally or geographically speaking, but they were always backwards thinking and just gross people in general.  I had no regrets.  My life, my wedding, my choice.


Post # 5
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Eventually, if she brings it up again:

“Hey grandma, thanks for the offer but Fiance and I actually have an officiant booked already!”

And by this I mean you should maybe find and book one before you say it. Fiance and I found ours on the web (she’s on WeddingWire though I found her through an article about dinosaurs in love haha) and she’s lovely. We met with her once and booked immediatley.

You can give grandma a (time-limited) speech or something to appease her if she flips out.

Book someone who you like, who makes yo comfortable and MOST OF ALL does not leave a sour taste in your family’s mouth over your wedding/marriage.

That’s really not a good way to kick off your marriage together. :/

I’m sorry this is such a difficult situation – I hope it gets better!

Post # 6
9796 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Listen to your ma! Say No! Especially if grandma is in some weird church cult. When she hems and haws just ignore it and hopefully she’ll be over it by the wedding

Post # 7
2 posts
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would ask a friend you trust to officiate.. maybe one of your fiances friends? That way when she asks about it you can say its already promised to another close person. Because if you just book an officiant she can still try to manipulte you into dropping him or her because its not “special”… with a close friend she cannot try to push them out. esspecially if you choose a close family memeber who you might not have chosen for bridal party or groomsmen but still are involved… just a sugggestion. 🙂 

Post # 8
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Just because of this statement, “My mom, who has done everything for me and is my best friend, does not want her to officiate at all. She is very adament on this. I think I should listen to her” I think you should put the hammer down on this right now.

Keep grandma out of the wedding planning and invite her as a guest.  She is going to take over if you let her be your officiant.  I just see red flags all over this, and I am coming from the view of a MOB who was raised by a slightly narcisstic aunt.  Don’t do this.

Post # 10
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You have lots of time. Go ahead and plan your wedding. Don’t tell Grandma yet that  she is not going to officiate. That will keep her from interfering so much as she will be happy thinking she has a roll.

The short notice that she is not going to officiate, won’t change her life or cause any problems for her. There are no huge expenses associated with being an officiant. She will select a dress but she would need that anyhow to attend as a guest.

You will have months of wedding planning time before she gets her knickers in a knot.

Post # 12
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You may not want to give her the time and open endingness of a speech.  Maybe give her a reading to do for your wedding, and quick get FI’s dad ordained online so HE can officiate your wedding and use that as your out.  I could see my one  grandmother pulling this crap if she had been alive when I got married.

Post # 13
45 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

It’s your day and if you don’t want her to be all up in the spotlight and creating a mess, don’t feel bad! I wouldn’t want someone wrecking my thunder or creating a headache on my big day! My grandma will probably have no role in my wedding at all besides as a guest.

Post # 14
4949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sauerdragon:  Can you ask her to do a reading?  Just be sure to give her a passage and a time limit.  😉   Oh, and make certain someone has a back-up copy with them at the wedding so she can’t say she forgot it and improvise!  

Post # 15
1430 posts
Bumble bee

@sauerdrago.  Having grandma officiate the wedding would be a huge NO way, not ever. That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I know you don’t to hurt anybody but you won’t be able to make everyone happy so the clear choice here would be to make your mother and other family you love happy and let down your grandma. even if you don’t care who officiateS , that is a big special role in a wedding and shouldnt be given to someone who is known to be manipulative , selfish, drama causer. Sorry your in a tough spot but from an outsider point of view the decision seems easy. 

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