(Closed) My grandmother wants to wear her wedding dress to mine

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1502 posts
Bumble bee

@CiaArielleNeugebauer:  I would directly, calmy tell her no and list the reasons why you have a problem with this.  Never in my life have I heard of such a thing.  It makes grandma sound really insecure and needy.  Perhaps your mother could also tell her that doing this makes her look very bad.  In her head, grandma probably thinks that everyone will think she looks beautiful in her gown. If looking great and  impressing others is her desire, perhaps being presented with the reality that others will NOT think she looks great, but instead a little crazy and pathetic, will change her mind.

Post # 4
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@CiaArielleNeugebauer:  First, I’m sorry you’re upset over this. But, as a practical matter, do you think the dress would even fit? I’m assuming its been many years since she’s worn it… do you think it would actually fit? Or if there’s enough material to let it out? Also, have you seen the dress in person lately? A lot of older wedding dresses are pretty yellow looking, and I’m not sure if it’s because the ones I’ve seen havent been properly preserved or if that was a thing…. but if it’s far into the yellow spectrum, do you think you could deal with that? 


If it fits, and it’s still bothering you, then I’d say you have to speak up and share your feelings. And sooner rather than later. You can say this in a nice way–start with thanking her for all the help, etc. and then explain how you’d feel if she wore her wedding dress to your wedding. However, without knowing your grandma, I have no idea how she’d react. 


I know if it was me, I’d just let it go. No one will confuse your grandma with the bride, you, and you will look beautiful and stand out no matter what. But I wouldn’t care what my grandma wore because I’d give anything to have my grandma at my wedding. Sorry, if that’s too blunt…. but my point is, if you think she’ll get upset/offended, then is it really worth causing any sort of a rift?

Post # 5
546 posts
Busy bee

@CiaArielleNeugebauer:  Forget about being Grandma’s favourite.  Just say NO and continue to say NO.

Would you rather be her favourite and have her wear her wedding dress to your wedding or not be her favourite.

Really, this is the most insane thing I have heard, so crazy that I initially thought it was a joke.

Post # 6
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Honestly I’d just let her wear it. It makes her happy, and it’s not going to take attention from you as the bride. It’s not like you’re running the risk of her being confused for her! I’d like to think that your guests know that you’re not a 60ish woman! Lol. But that’s such a minor detail that’s not going to make or break your day.  Ultimately,  it’s her choice what she wants to wear. 


Post # 7
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@CiaArielleNeugebauer:  This is a very very odd request and I don’t see why she would keep bringing it up unless she was much older and senile. Without offending her I would try to point out that it’s a big breach of etiquette and tradition for her to wear a wedding dress to.. um… anything, really but especially your wedding! Beyond that… does she have any living siblings, like a sister, that might be able to help back you up? 

Post # 8
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

tell her she can wear it as long as she realises that people will spend the whole day laughing behind her back.

I presume that this is a second wedding dress from a second marriage. (not a dress from when she was 20) If its a nanna style suit and it still fits then I see no probelms with her wearing it.

have you floated the idea of her getting it dyed professionally or getting something similar made in a different color???


Post # 9
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

@CiaArielleNeugebauer:  She already had her wedding. Maybe you can suggest that she plan her own occasion to wear her wedding dress, like a vow renewal or anniversary party. Not your wedding.

Post # 11
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I swear, when I think I’ve heard it all, this site never fails to surprise me! I would probably just let my grandma wear her dress, no matter how crazy she would look. 

Post # 12
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe your mom or someone else that she will listen to, will tell her that it will make people talk about her.  Also, maybe you and mom can surprise her with a new dress in her favorite color and a style that will really flatter her and emphasize her new figure-and make sure that her corsage will match that dress!

Post # 13
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

tell her that there will only be one wedding dress at your wedding – and it will be on YOU. 

‘grandma, i love you but it’s really upsetting me that you keep asking to wear your wedding dress. this is my special day, and i don’t think it’s too much to ask that i am the only person in a wedding dress.’


and if that doesn’t work – get your mother on her. i bet your mother would be willing to be more forceful if necessary. 

and i wouldn’t ‘just let her wear it’ what if it’s got a massive train or something? the pictures will look bizarre and people will be talking / asking you about it all night. 

Post # 14
2683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

“No. I will be the only person wearing a wedding dress. This is not up for discussion at this point.” 

Repeat as necessary.

Post # 15
3518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

So weird! In the end I’d probably just be like “if it matters that much to you, go ahead, but some people might think it’s pretty odd.” No one is going to mistake her for you/the bride and people will just think she’s nuts. Honestly if she doesn’t care about that, I’m kinda like screw it, neither do I.


But yeah, if you reeeallly don’t want her to, try complaining to gosippy pushy family members who might lean on her. 

Post # 16
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She’d look ridiculous, like she’s at a fancy dress party.

I would take the “Same rule for everyone” approach. Remind her there will be X other grandmothers there, and none of them will be wearing their wedding dresses. There will be (I assume) 2 other mothers who won’t be wearing their wedding dresses. There will be assorted fathers and grandfathers not in their wedding suits. It’s just inappropriate to have her dressed up like a bride when no one else will be. (Except you of course).

ETA: @LMD84:  Yes, I thought the same thing! (Your first sentence)

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