Post # 17
@CiaArielleNeugebauer: By the title, I thought this post sounded sweet. I imagined an elderly grandma who was a tad senile. Now I see that isn’t the case at all.
You said your mother had tried to handle it before. I assume the grandma is her mother? Maybe it would be best if you let your mother handle it again. You have enough stress with your wedding planning, that it would be great if someone else would take this issue off your plate.
I really hope she doesn’t go against your wishes and wear it anyway 🙁
Post # 18
Well does she not realize how ridiculous she will look if she showed up in her old wedding dress to someone else’s ?
Everyone will talk and laugh behind her back and the thought of it makes me sad!
Post # 19
I think it’s fine to tell her no but, as an alternative, you could offer to have it colour matched or dyed to match your theme. That way, she can wear the dress she wants, feel part of your special day, and you don’t have to worry about her wearing white? I bet she probably won’t like this idea and, if that’s the case, problem solved.
How wedding-y is her dress, anyway?
Post # 20
- Wedding: October 2021 - Wyckoff, NJ
@peonyinlove: +1 Great reply!
I personally wouldn’t want anyone in the immediate family/bridal party wearing white/ivory. It’s too close to the bride to get away with.
Grandma sounds like maybe her extreme weight loss has gotten her wanting to show off. Has this been a recent thing?
Post # 21
What?! The nerve of some people! You need to highjack that dress. Tell her you’ve changed your mind about your dress and ask her to wear hers-then hide it…lol
Seriously you just need to tell her NO, maybe take her dress shopping.
Post # 22
When I first read the title of this post, I was like “ah well… you only live once, plus it’s not like she’ll be mistaken for the bride! Meh… if it makes her happy…”. But now I see there are other issues here.
I would honestly have to see the dress in order to decide. Is it very yellowy? Could she dye it? Does it have a train and, if so, could she chop that off? If it’s a 1950s tea length dress which is very yellow with age, and you are wearing a full length white dress, then I don’t think it’s that much of an issue. She will, of course, look ridiculous. But you can’t prevent that. If she wants to look silly, it’s her call. You can’t always protect grown men and women from themselves.
Anyway… I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that we really want to see photos of this dress!
Post # 23
Would she be willing to have it dyed? If your wedding really isn’t for a year, I wouldn’t bring it up but continue to say no if and when she asks.
Post # 24
Why don’t you ask her to try it on for you and then tell her that it’s “Lovely, but you can do SO much better – I’ve seen some really nice dresses lately that I think would look great on your figure. Why don’t we do a bit of dress shopping this weekend?”
Post # 25
I’m not sure how to say my reaction to this in a polite fashion, so here it is:
Seriously? What the fuck Grandma. It’s not your wedding. Ab-so-fucking-loutely not.
Post # 26
I think if it were me, I would refuse to discuss it further and tell myself that if she does show up wearing it on the day, I’d ignore it entirely. If she brings it up, say something like, “Grandma, we already talked about this.” and change the subject. The reality is, keeping her from wearing her wedding dress to your wedding is protecting HER from other people realizing that she’s a bit batty (I say this with affection and sympathy) more than anything else, and it’s not your job to do that. The main reason why women aren’t to wear white dresses to weddings is so no one misunderstands who the bride is, but NO ONE is going to think your grandma is the bride. What they’re going to think is that she’s a bit senile and/or desperate for attention. Don’t let her take another second of YOUR attention in this matter. If she wears it, she does. I really think it’s only a problem for you if you let it be.
Post # 27
Is it full length and have you even seen it before in person? It would be easy enough for her to have it shortened and dyed another color if she insists on wearing it. If she’d be agreeable to the alterations, then it would make you all happy, right? That’s what I’d suggest…
Post # 28
Hi everyone, updates after sleeping on it!
this is from a second marriage but it is not a suit type dress… It is a full length full sleeved gown, satin and crinoline, no train.
another thing is that I have a little pet project for the wedding… It’s a wedding scrapbook that has a picture of every member of mine and my fiances families on their wedding day. its being set out next to our time capsule for guests to look through. So people would definitely know.
ive decided I’m going to hijack something alright… Not the dress but HER. I’m thinking sometime probably next January I’m going to take her down to these two huge shopping plazas two hours away (they make our local mall look like a Popsicle stand) to shop for a dress for my wedding. I’m going to play up how she deserves something pretty and new after losing so much weight and how great she will look. And then take her to lunch and whatnot.
im feeling that if I take that approach I might get her off of it. I love my grandmother… But she is crazy, not senile crazy, just weird crazy. She likes to get things to happen the way she wants them to… About 8 months before we were engaged we were at a birthday party for my cousin, and she was telling people I was engaged when I wasn’t (idk where that came from). My cousin wanted to run off and get married in Vegas which is what she has wanted since we were little girls… But my grandma got her to go to David’s bridal and try on dresses, bought her one, then said “now you have to have a wedding so I can see you get married in this dress”. She told my cousins fiancé that he ionion our wedding even though we didn’t want him as a groomsman. She told two of my little cousins that they were in my cousins wedding without asking her. In both cases she claimed that she thought we said we wanted to ask them.
Long story short, she is crazy and a little manipulative. She’s pitted myself and my cousin against each other since we were kids, somehow putting my cousin on top even in instances where I was the one who should’ve been there. She’s been like this my whole life and its not something I can change… So I just try to be one solid step ahead of her and live her anyways. Because even despite all the stuff above, she baby sat me every single day up to the age of ten or eleven. She bought me memoirs of a geisha for Christmas one year, even though my mom didn’t want me to read it, because she knew once she bought it my mom would just let me read it. She kept string bikinis for me to secretly wear when I hung out at her house in the summers in the pool, and gave me money once a week to go get my nails done and buy a moolatte from Dairy Queen.
All this rounds out to… I know she’s crazy and I’m sure ppl will rip on her. But despite the fact that she drives me crazy she is my grandma and I love her 🙂
Post # 29
Honestly, I’d just let her wear it. I’m sure the dress is likely yellowed from having sat for so long (has anyone seen “Something Borrowed, Something New”? All those dresses are yellow. Personally I don’t care what anyone are to my wedding, but if something meant so much to my grandmother, I surely wouldn’t stop her. And I certainly wouldn’t be telling her she will look silly, because that’s just kind of mean and passive-aggressive. You either support her wearing it, or you don’t. If you don’t, tell her firmly how you feel… Don’t say “people will laugh at you” because that’s just going to make her feel stupid.
Post # 30
@CiaArielleNeugebauer: This is pretty insane. I think your idea about taking her shopping for a new dress might work. I really think it’s totally inappropriate for her to wear a wedding gown, or anything white for your wedding.
Post # 31
Could she have the dress adjusted and maybe dyed to compliment your wedding colours? You could use any bits cut off on your bouquet. If you make a big fuss of how special that would be and how lovely it would be if she complimented your colours you could still make her feel like she’s a very special part of the day without competing with you on the dress front.
Maybe have a girl day with a seamstress and make a big fuss of her.