(Closed) My grandmother wants to wear her wedding dress to mine

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@CiaArielleNeugebauer:  By the title, I thought this post sounded sweet. I imagined an elderly grandma who was a tad senile. Now I see that isn’t the case at all.

You said your mother had tried to handle it before. I assume the grandma is her mother? Maybe it would be best if you let your mother handle it again. You have enough stress with your wedding planning, that it would be great if someone else would take this issue off your plate.

I really hope she doesn’t go against your wishes and wear it anyway 🙁

Post # 18
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Well does she not realize how ridiculous she will look if she showed up in her old wedding dress to someone else’s ?

Everyone will talk and laugh behind her back and the thought of it makes me sad!

 

Post # 19
Member
27 posts
Newbee

I think it’s fine to tell her no but, as an alternative, you could offer to have it colour matched or dyed to match your theme. That way, she can wear the dress she wants, feel part of your special day, and you don’t have to worry about her wearing white? I bet she probably won’t like this idea and, if that’s the case, problem solved.

How wedding-y is her dress, anyway?

Post # 20
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2021 - Wyckoff, NJ

@peonyinlove:  +1  Great reply!

 

I personally wouldn’t want anyone in the immediate family/bridal party wearing white/ivory.  It’s too close to the bride to get away with. 

 

Grandma sounds like maybe her extreme weight loss has gotten her wanting to show off.  Has this been a recent thing? 

Post # 21
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What?! The nerve of some people! You need to highjack that dress. Tell her you’ve changed your mind about your dress and ask her to wear hers-then hide it…lol

Seriously you just need to tell her NO, maybe take her dress shopping.

Post # 22
Member
6375 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

When I first read the title of this post, I was like “ah well… you only live once, plus it’s not like she’ll be mistaken for the bride! Meh… if it makes her happy…”. But now I see there are other issues here.

I would honestly have to see the dress in order to decide. Is it very yellowy? Could she dye it? Does it have a train and, if so, could she chop that off? If it’s a 1950s tea length dress which is very yellow with age, and you are wearing a full length white dress, then I don’t think it’s that much of an issue. She will, of course, look ridiculous. But you can’t prevent that. If she wants to look silly, it’s her call. You can’t always protect grown men and women from themselves.

Anyway… I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that we really want to see photos of this dress!

Post # 23
Member
3954 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Would she be willing to have it dyed? If your wedding really isn’t for a year, I wouldn’t bring it up but continue to say no if and when she  asks.

Post # 24
Member
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Why don’t you ask her to try it on for you and then tell her that it’s “Lovely, but you can do SO much better – I’ve seen some really nice dresses lately that I think would look great on your figure.  Why don’t we do a bit of dress shopping this weekend?”

Post # 25
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m not sure how to say my reaction to this in a polite fashion, so here it is: 

Seriously?  What the fuck Grandma. It’s not your wedding.  Ab-so-fucking-loutely not. 

 

Post # 26
Member
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

I think if it were me, I would refuse to discuss it further and tell myself that if she does show up wearing it on the day, I’d ignore it entirely. If she brings it up, say something like, “Grandma, we already talked about this.” and change the subject. The reality is, keeping her from wearing her wedding dress to your wedding is protecting HER from other people realizing that she’s a bit batty (I say this with affection and sympathy) more than anything else, and it’s not your job to do that. The main reason why women aren’t to wear white dresses to weddings is so no one misunderstands who the bride is, but NO ONE is going to think your grandma is the bride. What they’re going to think is that she’s a bit senile and/or desperate for attention. Don’t let her take another second of YOUR attention in this matter. If she wears it, she does. I really think it’s only a problem for you if you let it be.

Post # 27
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee

Is it full length and have you even seen it before in person? It would be easy enough for her to have it shortened and dyed another color if she insists on wearing it. If she’d be agreeable to the alterations, then it would make you all happy, right? That’s what I’d suggest…

Post # 29
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly, I’d just let her wear it. I’m sure the dress is likely yellowed from having sat for so long (has anyone seen “Something Borrowed, Something New”? All those dresses are yellow. Personally I don’t care what anyone are to my wedding, but if something meant so much to my grandmother, I surely wouldn’t stop her. And I certainly wouldn’t be telling her she will look silly, because that’s just kind of mean and passive-aggressive. You either support her wearing it, or you don’t. If you don’t, tell her firmly how you feel… Don’t say “people will laugh at you” because that’s just going to make her feel stupid.

Post # 30
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@CiaArielleNeugebauer:  This is pretty insane. I think your idea about taking her shopping for a new dress might work. I really think it’s totally inappropriate for her to wear a wedding gown, or anything white for your wedding.

Post # 31
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Could she have the dress adjusted and maybe dyed to compliment your wedding colours? You could use any bits cut off on your bouquet. If you make a big fuss of how special that would be and how lovely it would be if she complimented your colours you could still make her feel like she’s a very special part of the day without competing with you on the dress front. 

Maybe have a girl day with a seamstress and make a big fuss of her. 

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