Post # 32
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@CiaArielleNeugebauer: I think your plan of taking her shopping and buying her a new dress is a good one.
That said, whilst your memories are lovely ones, it sounds like she did to your mum exactly what she’s doing to you now – ignoring what your mum wanted for you (not reading Memoirs of a Geisha, not wearing string bikinis etc.) and doing what she wanted anyway. It must have been maddening for your mum – which is probably why she can sympathise with you over this!
Given that, I’d maybe add your mum to the dress-shopping party – the more attention the better, after all, and your mum might have some tricks up her sleeve that she’s picked up over the years to help win your grandma over!
Post # 33
I guess I would go against the masses and say let her wear it. I think we all secretly wish we had cause to wear our wedding dresses again, not to say this is the reason we’d have in mind, but it is what it is.
For me though, my grandmother has basically risen up to take the place of my own absent mother, and I’d be hard pressed to deny her anything she felt this strongly about. Seriously, no one will mistake her for the bride, and as a guest, I would think it was kind of sweet that you let your grandmother share your spotlight for a moment.
Maybe not everyone is as close with their grandparents as I am, but this wouldn’t want to be something I look back at years from now, when my grandmother has passed, and wish I hadn’t denied her something so special to her. Given how generous she’s being helping you with your wedding, is this really going to ruin anything? Is it an odd request? Sure, but not a hill worth dying on in my opinion.
Worst case, maybe see if her dress can be altered into more of an evening gown, but seriously, her wearing white or any shade of it isn’t going to ruin your wedding. Then again, I’m not the type of bride who’s going to stomp her feet if someone where’s any shade of white to my wedding.
@cmsgirl: Seriously though, if I found out ANYONE was laughing at my grandmother behind her back for ANY reason, I’d be seriously reevaluating my relationship with that person.
Post # 34
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Maybe mom can help you sneak grandma’s dress out of the house to hold hostage until after your wedding? She sounds crazy enough that she will probably wear it even though you keep telling her no. If I were a guest I would think grandma has completely lost it and had zero love and respect for her grandchild.
Post # 35
I read the title and immediatly thought W-H-A-T??!! Shes crazy! You need to tell her this is your day, your only getting married once nad you want to be the only one wearing a wedding dress. Your just going to have to be stern about it. I cant belive shed even ask that.
Families….. They are able to come up with the craziest stuff you never thought youd have to deal with!!
Post # 36
@CiaArielleNeugebauer: sounds crazy BUT is her wedding dress just a nice regular white dress rather than an actual weddingy dress? if so, it wouldnt bother me at all…
Post # 37
Who would want to wear a wedding dress to a wedding that was not their own?!? If you are not the bride, no wedding dress for you! That’s how it has to be. If its very difficult to convince her, why not take her out shopping and help her pick something appropriate. Give her tons of praise so she feels great in her new outfit. If she is desperate to wear the dress again, why not have a brides party after and all get into your dresses for an evening. My friend keeps talking about doing this and it sounds great fun! Just don’t answer the door to anyone or they might think you are all insane! 😉
Post # 38
I think taking her on a special trip to buy a dress is a good idea.
Post # 40
To it me seems like she just wants to look nice, as she should. She could be insisting on the wedding dress because it has such good memories and probably made her feel very beautiful. It’s actually pretty common for grandmas to be a little self conscious. Have you considered taking her our shopping for a new dress? Find one that’s appropriate and tell her (a lot) how beautiful she looks. You could even exaggerate and tell her jokingly she’s going to steal the spotlight from you or something.
Post # 41
@Yuno1 “Seriously? What the fuck Grandma. It’s not your wedding. Ab-so-fucking-loutely not.” LMAO
Post # 42
I would not let her wear the dress for her own sake, among other reasons. If I went to a friend’s wedding and saw that her grandmother was wearing a wedding dress, my immediate thought would be that she’s senile. If I knew she wasn’t, then I’d think she is a crazy and selfish so-and-so. Who DOES that?
I think your plan of taking her dress shopping is really sweet and clever at the same time. But I’d still have someone keep an eye on her the day of to make sure she doesn’t change her mind at the last minute.
Post # 43
@CiaArielleNeugebauer: Totally off topic but wow! You have a young grandma! Both of mine are in their 80s and I’m only 24.
Post # 44
After sleeping on it I think taking her out for a new dress is the best solution. As previously stated, I do really love my grandma… But she spent so long by trying to be the cool mom to both my mother and my cousin (who she raised) that it seems now she is always trying to be young again, and living out things she missed or wants to do over again through myself and my cousin.
I don’t mind if anyone else is wearing white/ivory to the wedding that much… I mean, my bridesmaids dresses are ivory on top and pink on bottom. Plus remember the movie Father of the Bride? The mother in that looked gorgeous and very appropriate.
The problem, like I said, is that her dress does look like a dated wedding dress, not a fun tea length or suit style or anything like that but a satin and crinoline dress… Plus I am doing the family wedding album, so people will know she is wearing her wedding dress because there will be a picture of her in it on her wedding day in the book. I’m afraid it will attract some attention in a negative way.
Taking her out to buy a new dress, especially after her surgery will be huge… She actually has another one coming up… When she lost they weight after her gastric by-pass she ended up with alot of loose skin under her arms that has been preventing her from wearing short sleeves, so she’s having a second surgery for them to remove it… Once she has recovered from that I think presenting the shopping trip as a “reward” would work, and emphasizing how a beautiful new dress would celebrate her new body might just seal the deal.
@chronicwhimsy: lol in regards to the swimsuit and book… yeah the book was bad no doubts. But I’m pretty sure my mom always knew about the string bikini thing based on my tan and didn’t care enough to say anything. I wore it every day while I floated on a raft around their pool and read a book… But they live in an isolated area so it’s not like the neighbors ever saw me, and no one was ever out there with me. However I see your point on that, it took years for me to start recognizing this behavior in my grandma. The earliest behavior I ever detected was just the compeititon created between myself and my cousin.
Post # 45
@CiaArielleNeugebauer: I think your idea to take her shopping is a great idea, and I agree with the PP that suggested bringing your Mom along too. That is the craziest thing I’ve seen on the bee in a while, and on some days that’s really saying something! 😉
Post # 46
@princesslettuce14: It’s kind of a sad thing to look at… But my great grandmother had her first child before she was married… My grandmother had her first child and never married the father, and became pregnant with her second child before she married the father… My mom had me when she was 18, I was born days after her graduation. Both my uncles had their kids before they were married, and both are divorced from the mothers. My cousin has two children with her fiance, the first born before she graduated high school… I will be the first person on my mom’s side since my great great grandma to not have children before I am married. I am 22, my mom is only 40 and my dad is 41.