(Closed) My guestlist almost doubled in two days :(

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
23790 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@minipenguin:  Your growing guest list sounds just like ours back in the day!  🙁  Hugs to you.  Are these people all necessary invites?  It sounds like there’s a better compromise there somewhere – maybe you guys should sit down and whittle down the list because to go from 50 to 140 and still not be done is pretty drastic!  What’s most important that you stay true to you and what you’d like for your wedding day, afterall! 🙂

Post # 4
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Is it possible to cut down to only immediate family? If you’re already stressing now the future does not look fun. 

Post # 5
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hah, I wanted to elope too but I know my FI’s family would have been crushed. So the plan is a black tie wedding with around 50 people, how funny that our plans were/are so similar! It has been hard keeping our guestlist low, but we came to terms that we’d just have to keep it to our very closest friends and immediate/closest family. Most people have been very understanding that we want a small wedding and I don’t feel that anyone has really been offended. I want a small wedding because I want it to be intimate and to include the most important people in our lives. I would go through your list and use that type of requirement to narrow it down. We didn’t invite anyone that we don’t see, or at least talk to, on a regular basis. This even includes not inviting aunts and uncles that maybe we just aren’t close to and haven’t seen in a few years.

Post # 6
Member
8151 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i wanted a smaller wedding with 80-100 guests. FI said he had too many people he HAD to invite.

our guest list is 137, i hope at least 10 say no if not more.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It sounds like you need to scale down the list. We chose to have a small, high-end wedding. Our cut-off was immediate family (none of my 9 aunts/uncles, none of my 30+ first cousins, etc.) and friends that we hang out with on a regular basis (or would hang out with if they lived in the same state). That really helped us narrow down the list to our nearest and dearest.

Post # 8
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This sounds like us, lol!  Putting together the guest list made me want to elope.  It was so frustrating.  We somehow cut our list down from 140 to 100.

Post # 10
Hostess
23790 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@minipenguin:  Keep us posted! I’m glad you’re feeling better today!

Post # 11
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@minipenguin:  it’s not horrible. when it comes to the guest list, you have to be picky if you want to keep it small. i originally wanted a small wedding of 50 and after counting my aunts and uncles (mandatory guests), we were up to 32 people already so i had to increase the number. 

we made a list of “absolute, hands down, must be invited” guests and came up with about 80-90 people. we’re hoping to settle at 70-75.

we went out to dinner with a couple who is getting married one month after us and they are inviting 230 people. they opened it up to their entire family and the people who expected to be invited. the bride’s parents are inviting 50 people of their own that the bride never met. 

so there you have it. two very different perspectives. you can have a smallish intimate wedding that requires you to explain yourself every so often (i had to tell an aunt that my 2nd cousin wasn’t invited because we wanted to keep it small and intimate inviting our closest family, friends, and people closest too us at this point in our lives) or you can just invite everybody without setting up a real criteria. 

the latter takes discipline.

Post # 13
Member
11284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@minipenguin:  i just read your last update regarding fmil’s friends.  i was just going to ask why they would be necessary to attend.  (only if she was contributing – which she is not).  how can she invite them?  it’s not her wedding.  only hosts or guests of honour are allowed to invite people to a function.

i think you need to stick to your guns on this and invite only who you want to invite.  like you said, at $170/head, i’d only want close friends and family.

good luck.

Post # 14
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@minipenguin:  Have you considered scaling back on aspects of the wedding itself, bringing down the per person costs, in order to have all those who are close to you there? It’s just one way of doing things, but some say that you shouldn’t cut people from your wedding in favor of the “stuff”. Make your budget fit your crowd, you know? Years from now, the details will fade, but you will have memories of who was there and moments you shared with them. I’m only sharing this because this approach didn’t occur to me right away. 

 

Post # 16
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@minipenguin:  I say try to convince your FI to elope. Maybe he’ll come around. Most of the time they don’t really want a wedding either, they just don’t want you to look back and regret it because (according to society) EVERY woman dreams about a big wedding.

ETA: Or maybe you can just do parents and siblings…or if your family is small enough to include first cousins. I wanted to elope, actually we both did but we felt is was important to include his children so we had an intimate ceremony with parents and siblings (7 guests) and that was the perfect compromise.

 

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