(Closed) My guests are selling their “+1”

posted 11 years ago in Parties
Post # 105
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

How old are your guests?  Do you have a lot of married friends?

I think some people don’t understand how much weddings cost or that this would be a burden to you.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s weird too, but if you invited these people with +1s and they weren’t dating anyone you had met… well… those people would also be strangers to you.

A few years ago, my friend and I were BMs in another friend’s wedding.  The bride gave us all +1s, whether we were seriously dating someone or not, even though we all knew LOTS of people at the wedding (same group of friends).  Well, my friend decided to bring a female friend of hers from high school as her “date.”  She is very sweet, but the bride never even met this girl.  I don’t think my friend thought anything of this, or understood that it was sort of rude.

Post # 106
Member
2148 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

There is not much you can do now other than give the groomsmen and guests involved a good stern talking too…..and let it be known that those wenches BETTER bring gifts. TOTALLY RIDICULOUS….

Post # 107
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I would only like to add that even if you spread a rumor that the ceremony is going to be long they were prob planning on just skipping that anyway and crashing the reception….

my vote goes for collecting the money and giving the dumb-o girls a subway combo meal!

Post # 108
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh gosh. Well, this is why people have rules where guests only get a “+1” if they are already in a serious relationship. You could:

1) Instate that rule now? I know it’s a bit after the fact, and probably your worst option, but you could disinvite them by saying you are following etiquete of only inviting +1s if they are already living together or engaged. This is sticky if you have other guests who are bringing people they are actually DATING.

2) Do what some others have suggested and spread rumors that there’s no open bar/no dinner/etc. I don’t know if this will work.

3) Make up some story about too many “yes” RSVPs and you have to cut down the guest list – and uninvite them that way. At least then you don’t have to worry about being inconsistent with other people’s +1.

4) there’s lots of passive-aggressive ways you could deal (not give them dinner, ask them where their gift is – they are a guest, right?) but ultimately you sound more concerned with having them there in the first place, which I think is appropriate. Plus as your wedding approaches, the last thing you want to do is deal with the logistics of how to manage them.

5) Don’t be passive-aggressive at all, be very direct and ask your Fiance to deal with the Groomsmen.. they can either bring an actual date, or nobody at all. It’s your wedding, your money, YOU call the shots. Who cares if you’re a bridezilla if it means you’ll have the guest list you want?!?!

Post # 109
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@VirginiaMarie: not too bad actually…I mean I wasnt happy when I heard he lost several hundred dollars – but then he told me he has secretly been saving extra money for our wedding and that I should go ahead and book the 2nd photographer!! Yes, bribery (and the flowers he sent to me) work on me!!! You will be fine – they mostly just drank all day and hung out at the pool and then gambled some. It seemed like typical male debauchery!! It will be here and gone before you know it! 🙂

Post # 110
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

hey i just thought of something based on someone’s comment – for the girls that are paying… are there any “dates” (like legitimate +1 folks) who are friends with these girls? maybe they told their friends to try and go to the wedding so they have company? KWIM? seriously though why would ANYONE do this? i really dont get it….

Post # 111
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You know, this would seriously piss me off. One of the things I loved the most about my wedding ceremony was looking out in the crowd and seeing a room full of the most  special people in our lives, all seated together, to celebrate our marriage. I mean it really blew me away more than I could ever describe-mostly because the feeling  was so unexpected and I knew that everyone there wanted to be there because they loved us. I really think you should say something to the guests who are doing this-it is disrespectful that these girls are using your special wedding as an excuse to have reunion with free booze.

Post # 112
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I completely get why you’re irritated/angry. Because, man that takes some nerve on both their parts.

But since you cant technically keep them away without causing awkwardness for you, put the awkward on them.

And oh god please please please make sure you greet every single one of the ladies graciously and personally and tell them how flattered you are that they would PAY *steve/scott/dave* to bring them. And you hope they get their money’s worth out of the experience. (major points if you could do this via the PA system or in a really loud voice..or maybe get a friend to do it?)

Then, smile your sweetest smile and tell them “I’m sure in ten years we’ll all be laughing about this on facebook”

I agree it sucks. They are tools for paying someone to bring them, and the guys are tools for allowing it.

But in the grand scheme of things…man, that’s hysterical.

HYSTERICAL

Post # 113
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Holy… moly. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of something so crazy. Sorry you have to deal with this– 

this situation makes me more relieved that I am not allowing +1 guests–well, my Future Mother-In-Law is allowing her side to bring guests but that I am fine with because they are all older more mature adults—as opposed to some of my friends who would bring any tom, dick or harry to come boozing at my wedding.

If someone does want to be snide and bring someone who wasn’t invited, there’s a gate leading up my reception hall and you can only be let in if your name is on the list, so hopefully I won’t have to deal with wedding crashers or anything.

Good luck, I hope this works out some way–this is definitely so bizarre and you are handling it beautifully!  Keep us posted on this madness! 

Post # 114
Member
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It’s totally the open bar college party thing. I would speak with best man directly and say it’s totally bullsh*t and that if it keeps up, you are going to use each and every one of those weirdo’s mailing addresses for all of your DAVID’S BRIDAL VISITS. Sell their number to telemarketers. ETC. Sign them up for all kinds of weird shiz – samples of Depends, whatever. Tell them you’re thisclose to going bridezilla and there is no limit to what you’ll come up with.. 😉

Post # 115
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

WOW. I’m constantly amazed by the nerve of some people. I honestly don’t even know what you should do.

We had a few fringe friends who weren’t invited, and some of our single friends were telling us they were going to bring them as their dates. Luckily that didn’t end up happening because I would have been really upset. I think people just don’t get it sometimes.

Post # 116
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

ummm…ya thats so f-ing creepy i’d round up the ppl who you know were paid and let them know your pissed and also their guest are un-welcomed. Personally i would uninvite them. Who the f*** are they to try to profit off your wedding? They’re supposed to be your friends!

Post # 119
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You are very open hearted.  Each time I have been in the wedding party, I was not extended a +1 unless in a RELATIONSHIP and I have never considered asking for one!  The wedding party has duties and responsibilities that make it very hard on the dates.  This sounds like it is really bothering you, and If it were I who was being bothered by this, I would ask Fiance to tell his groomsmen that they could not bring these girls.  What will they do during the photos?  Where will they sit? Plus you or your family is paying lots of money for each guest and it should not be treated like a frat party.  In My Humble Opinion. Good luck!

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